I’ve Backslided Into Harry Potter Again, And Now I Really Want To Write The Fic Where Vernon And Petunia

I love how Kara just loves to taunt Lex with the fact that Lena is on her side. Like she knows how much he hates it.

She did it when she revealed Lena made her K-Proof suit in season 4.

"You can thank your sister for this."

And now again.

"You're predictable. You can thank your sister for proving that."

It gives off the same energy of: "Your daughter calls me Daddy too."

It's like she's basically rubbing it in his face that Lena has been and always will be hers and Lex can die mad about it.

The forest around them is silent when the call is given. A sharp whistle of bird song that should be impossible for anyone with human vocal cords and the sudden whine of blaster fire as a dozen figures rise from the shadows and open fire.

None of them acknowledge the flash of red hair, darkened with dirt and muck, that dives past them. Darting through the last few trees before he leaps rolling as he lands metal already crunching beside him as his hand rises and even now after months of fighting Neild can’t compare it to anything. Not the way he moves or the way he fights, everything so very fluid and wrong besides the small figures he fights beside. All still growing into their bodies compared to the quick controlled dance the other always manages. 

A body falls with a blaster bolt perfectly centered on it’s forehead and the figure is already off again. Flashing steps, the shadows themselves seeming to rise around him and Neild is reminded of the old stories of their greatest warriors. Unstoppable hunters, fearless warriors. A blaster on his back in favor for the staff he’s taken too, a bloody dance that defends as many of them as he can while decimating those who threaten the young while Neild can only watch.

Metal creaks, shatters and the doors swing open with out a touch. Nothing but the sweeping pull of a hand and the groan of twisted metal as those of them that aren’t keeping watch dart forward to pull the children from the back of the truck Obi-wan has practically torn to pieces.

Obi-wan himself stands apart, a vibroblade clutched in one hand, staff and blaster hanging across his back and the air around him still and silent. If Neild looked closely he knows what he’d see. Eyes like the void of space, maybe even an extra pair and fangs sharper than anything he’s seen in the wild of his home.

Neild doesn’t look. None of them ever do.

The young know when something is just a little off, but they also know that it means nothing when everything they’ve ever known is wrong to begin with. They’ve heard what the elders had to say about the Jedi, and they know what happened to the first. Even if Obi seemed certain she’d live through it.

Whatever he is, whatever he may become Obi-wan is one of the young now.

no one: carol danvers: :T

with new pictures of Hayden Christensen floating around I keep seeing people saying 'imagine if Anakin didn't turn bad, the biggest problem for Luke and Leia would be that their dad is a dilf and all their friends swoon over him when he comes to pick them up from school'

and yes of course that's valid because Anakin would absolutely be casually leaning against his modified speeder with sunglasses on dressed in black like a model but please imagine the twins getting horrified by their friends drooling over him and going "dad you're not allowed to show your face at school now, mom will come pick us up" but HAVE YOU SEEN RECENT PICTURES OF NATALIE PORTMAN?

the twins have zero ideas how hot their parents are, they're just their lame parents, they don't realise that their mom has the face of Natalie Portman and the second their friends see her they're like "your father is a dilf and your mother is a former queen and the nicest AND hottest milf in the galaxy?? you guys are so lucky"

Leia is traumatised and almost shaking, saying, "this is the worst. I can't believe our parents are...." She makes a horrible gagging sound. "...Hot."

"I know, I can't believe it either," Luke groans.

"Next time we'll ask Obi-Wan to come pick us up."

"Oh good idea! It's not like anyone would find old uncle Ben hot!"

"Yes, that's impossible," Leia replies, relieved.

"Impossible!" Luke laughs.

Lena: Up until I was 25, I thought the only response to “I love you” was “oh crap.”

(x)

the impulse to hide what I’m doing at my computer still sits so deep even tho I’m literally never looking at anything objectionable , the door will open and I’ll hurry to close the page like oh fuck no one can know I’m looking at the Wikipedia page for the Balkans

📓

Ok, so. This one is…sort of a take on a trope I've seen a couple times.

the 212th + 501st, and associated jedi, are yeeted back in time though, y'know, standard Weird Force Fuckery, along with all their warships. Obi-wan, being obi-wan, is in a fucking bacta tank, and is thus mr not-avalible-for-decisions. Which leaves anakin in charge; and, given the weird force fuckery has clearly fried all their comms shit — they can't connect to anything outside of their little group, and pings to the GAR network get nothing — the only option to work out, uh, where the fuck are we and what the fuck is going on is to take a little scouting party down to the closest plant and scope out the situation.

The closest planet is melida/daan, mid civil war.

Anakin and the future scouting team clock this obviously stranded padawan, absolutely curbstomp their way through the adults, and then are like….ok, so, we're gonna. bring you back to the temple, kid, since you're obviously a stranded padawan and your master is dead, congratulations, we're adopting you into the lineage.

baby-wan is like ok.jpg because, well, this might as well happen? his life is already so fucking weird, and also, crucially, if he goes with them they might leave melidaan, and it's not like anyone can do jack shit to stop them. Not the first time he's offered up his life to save others, might be the last time, once they find out that he is, y'know, a terrible not-jedi. Or he gets sold into slavery, or killed for being force sentive. literally nothing about this is going to go well for him, actually.

Baby wan is brought aboard the ships. baby wan is abruptly wondering (hoping) that they're like, time travelers from the sith wars, because holy fuck this is an army that could sack half the galaxy. Baby wan is doing his level best to be chill and totally fine and not at all freaked the fuck out; given the entire group all know adult obi-wan, and his much better ability to hide emotions, everyone can tell that this kid is freaked.

To be fair; they're the 212th and the 501st. They're great, but also, if you run into them, shit's got real, and this kid looks, like, ten. It's got to be his first damn deployment. His master is clearly very fucking dead, and now he's thinking that the situation got so bad that they sent both the 212th and the 501st to clean it up.

meanwhile, the slicers on the ships have managed to cobble together a one way distress beacon, which they are beaming at the temple. It's old code — it piggybacks on shit from the last damn sith wars — but it's, y;know, something the GAR is equipped to recognise. The equivalent of sending up a damn smoke signal, or hooking into very old telegram wires and being like AM LOST STOP PLEASE SEND HELP STOP HOW GOES WAR STOP

The temple, of course, gets a transmission using a code from the sith wars. Asking about the state of the war. requesting back up and aid for a High General, plus his battalion and near command.

The temple freaks out, because holy fuck, time travelers???? literal time travelers from the sith wars?????? Fuck?????????????

After they send the ET phone home message, obi-wan the elder wakes up, gets an update on the situation — lost in space, found an orphaned padawan, distress beacon sent — and is all set to just chill till someone comes to pick them up when he clocks the 'orphaned padawan' and is like FUCK.

cue 'oh fuck oh fuck we fucked up the time line' and 'what the fuck do you mean spent time as a child solider', and also, 'well, guess we're all passing ourselves off as time travelers from the opposite direction, because, uh, that's…whatever everyone thinks. we are. thanks anakin.'

Plus the extremely fun times of baby-wan latching on to adult-wan as his new master, and proceeding to spill every terrible thing that's happened to him thus far to anyone who asks, because, y'know, it's fine! This is fine! his new lineage is so nice <3 and none of them have any reason to know the fact that he's already killed people and seen people killed and done so much violence is weird <3 it's great, he's finally going to get a good grade in being a jedi, which is possible to achieve and definitely something he wants <3

Please?

The world basically being in quarantine is gonna make fanfiction writers real quick with their updates now, huh? I better see writers updating fics that haven’t been updated since fucking 2012, okay? Lets go

Every time I see Lana I say very quietly to myself “Let’s go lesbians”