Source

You must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame; how could you rise anew if you have not first become ashes?

Friedrich Nietzsche

the advice was cold for sure but I am a sensitive soul.. things hit me deep and I let it leave claw marks on my own soul because of it.. so even though its cold - it’s something I, too, need to hear at this moment. Sometimes, God places people to heal you - thats what i believe - and in this moment this is what it slightly feels like.

I’m sorry to hear that you went through all that.. that sounds like it ripped your heart out your body at some point in time. I’m glad you’re here and it seems like you came out that dark tunnel.

I have analysed my moments (my whole emotional system and logic) of despair and sadness; agony pain and melancholy in regards to him. I miss experiencing him - thats the most part of it - getting to know who he was and wanting to know more. The guilt - not being able to share my truth with him; not being about to just say what’s on my mind - it was a cycle within me that I felt he’d never understand and I never gave him the chance too either but he also was never really curious about it.. the fear ate me alive each time but maybe he could tell and just never cared to ask.. who knows.. it’s all still there but he’s not here.

I’m sure he’s not thinking about me (which stabs my heart, and probably will for some time) even if I’d hope he does here and there. I don’t think we were right for each other anyways.. who knows that except God.

I heard this song and there’s a line I will leave with “ I have a feeling you got everything you wanted. And you're not wastin' time stuck here like me. You're just thinkin' it's a small thing that happened. The world ended when it happened to me” that’s the pill I swallowed today.

I will go and explore other people, just as friends though and hope my past stops haunting me.. thank you

Sorry if my words are harsh.. but as you said, its probably something you need to hear.

If you ask me, if you're not able to communicate and express certain things and it was somewhat obvious, giving him the benefit of the doubt, he just couldn't read the room, it's still not good enough. You should be able to feel free to express/share concerns. Either that or like you said, he didn't care to ask.

I'll be honest, if you missed experiencing him, there are more people out there that are yearning your companionship, you must be experienced too. You'll also experience a new person in the same way or more, it doesn't only happen once. You just need to give the new experiences a proper chance and dont compare to your previous. Nor put him on a pedestal.

Take off the rose tinted glasses.

Keep swallowing those difficult pills. Harsh truths. Be real with yourself. Don't romanticise the past. "What ifs" will kill you.

And make sure you have a friend to talk to, just vent or get their opinion (if they're a grounded individual) or just hit me up. You need to express.

updates on Leli?

Leli is good! I've made her a little pregnancy hut, so she can birth her kids there if she wants.

She's been dropping hefty shits in my flower bed and doesn't cover it up anymore so I dont really appreciate that... But she's pregnant so she can do what she wants

Haven't played a video game properly in years. Im glad I got back in to it with this masterpiece

Copenhagen Wilderness

Ah yes, its that time of year