“There Were Lots Of Ways To Love Someone, I Guessed, Both By Remembering And Forgetting.“

the music will always save me

D.M. Aderibigbe, from “Letter from My Father, Odysseus”

“Everything is burning, my soul, body, outside, inside, heart, flesh. Do you understand? Do you really understand?”

María Casares, from a letter to Albert Camus written c. March 1952

Edgar Allan Poe, from a letter to Mrs. Maria Clemm, July 1849

not mad just outside your house with a gun

kaveh akbar, 'calling a wolf a wolf' // doc luben, 'love letters or suicide notes' // @/nutnoce, tumblr // 'my body's made of crushed little stars', mitski // @/ojibwa, tumblr // 'spring', mary oliver

i don't know if anyone needs to hear this, but in case someone does... if you were abusive as a child, and adults in your life knew about it but did nothing to stop you, encouraged you, or maybe even forced you into it... that's neglect, and abuse in the latter case. they failed you. they failed you horribly, and they should have taught you better.

and if your abusiveness was impacted by experiencing abuse, trauma, or mental health concerns... the adults in your life should have been there for you. they should have genuinely supported you by helping you find ways to healthily manage what you were going through. they shouldn't have just let you hurt others, and likely destroy some of your relationships in the process.

yes. you are responsible for your actions, abuse included. but the adults in your life... they were still responsible for taking care of and teaching you. but they failed you, and i'm sorry they did. you (and those at the receiving end of your abuse) deserved much, much better. i hope by now, you've grown into a healthier person, and are able to have safe, fulfilling relationships.

but if not... let this be your sign to change. let this be your chance to grow. i promise you, whatever sense of control and power abuse gives you isn't at all worth the damage, pain, and suffering it leaves in its wake. if you don't believe me... you'll understand either once you change, or the consequences finally bite you in the ass.

kafka

“There was nothing to talk about anymore. The only thing to do was go.”

— Jack Kerouac

— wolkenleere, excerpt of a book I’ll never write