Okay, The "Aang Doesn't Match Katara On Help With Emotions" Frusterates Me, Not Just Because He Does

Okay, the "Aang doesn't match Katara on help with emotions" frusterates me, not just because he does plenty of times take into consideration her mental wellbeing even at the cost of his own, but also, I feel like people are WAY overestimating how much Katara actually helps Aang on an emotional level. It's pretty much just when he goes into the avatar state and during The Storm.

Her helping him down from the avatar state (understanding that the way he feels in that moment is not him and the things it drives him to do are things that wouldn't make him happy) are matched by things like, not allowing Katara to impulsively leave her family in his defense and trying to get Katara to understand that blood on her hands will not help her heal.

Then, during the storm, they have a little talk and that's great and Aang does feel better, and every time after that when Katara tries to help him, she's not able to because she fundementally doesn't understand the positions he is in. Examples include:

her talking to him when he's facing the decision to force the avatar state. She comes to him explaining that it's upsetting (taking a very egocentric postion I might add) and doesn't actually reach him because she cannot comprehend the pressure of thousands of deaths being blamed specifically on her. He ultimately has to come to his own conclusion based on the fact that he understands that it probably will not work and the risk it adds (also thousands of lives) is not worth the slim chance of the reward.

Her talking to him when he's lost Appa and has emotionally shut down. Again, she doesn't reach him because her position is basically "just stop being depressed Aang" and then offers a hug believing that will help and Aang refuses because what he is facing is not something he can simply choose not to feel nor will it be at all helped by a hug.

Her talking to him after he wakes up from a coma. Once again, it doesn't help at all and he has to actually ask her to leave because she's actively making him more upset. Once again, she is coming at him and even says she knows what he's feeling before being like "just dont feel like that" and once again, does not actually comprehend what Aang is facing or feeling.

Really sick of people saying Aang forces Katara to carry his emotional baggage. No. Katara constantly tries to get him to let her, without him at all inviting her to, and Aang regularly refuses it. Aang does his own thinking and own emotional regulation.

Meanwhile, might I add, times Katara has been upset and chosen to do something to make herself feel better to the possible active detriment of Aang:

Sided with Sokka to leave Aang because he witheld a map for a few hours and then, fully of his own accord because he understood he was wrong without anyone having to force him, gave it back and admitted to being wrong and then didn't try to fight them leaving because he valued their hurt over his own hurt and safety.

Fought Pakku. She had a moment where she realized doing that was causing consequences that Aang (not her) had to bear (ones he was fully willing to bear), and at first, when Aang thought she was fighting Pakku on his behalf, he told her she didn't have to because he values her safety over his mission, and when she then makes it clear she's doing it for herself, he is 100% on board and cheers her on even if this would probably absolutely cost him his waterbending teacher.

Took Appa on her murder mission despite Aang actively saying no (something he had every right to do considering that was HIS bison), putting Appa at risk while having witnessed firsthand the depth of pain Aang went through when seperated from Appa, and putting Aang (and the gaang) at risk if the fire nation found them. And this is, again, something Aang not only changes his mind and gives consent but actively encourages her to do because he wants her to heal.

But, you know, Aang doesn't care about Katara's feelings and only thinks about himself. And, of course, Katara is constantly sacrificing for Aang and absolutely never thinks of herself.

This isn't me trying to say Katara was bad. The fact that she even tries to reach him despite being a whole 14 yrs and in her own tough position is a testament to her depth of care, and she does manage to help sometimes and often what she says, while not helpful to Aang on an emotional level, does give him help in advice in coming to his one conclusions. Also, her actions that could hurt Aang are 1. understandable because she's hurt and is 100% allowed to put herself first sometimes (something Aang encourages) and 2. understandable because she's 14 and sometimes 14 yr olds have these things called flaws.

But can we stop pretending like Katara is this perfect example of self-sacrifice and being forced to play therapist and is super good at handling other people's problems but nobody supports or helps with her problems.

Katara is a flawed 14 yr old who sometimes fumbles the ball, and is unafraid to fight for what she wants and to stand by her right to express any emotion she has, and is not very good at being a mother because she's fourteen fucking years old.

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