Finally Pushed Away Everyone In My Life Now I Can Go Back To Isolation

Welcome back to me being inactive lol

Last month I got into Enhypen and started stanning them... Turns out they became my second ult really fast lmao

And here is my first fanart of Ni-ki because I like him a lot <3

This took me so much time because I am not familiar with his face and at first it wasn't looking like him at ALL. But with a lot of work I finally ended up having a nice-looking portrait of this funky vampire fella and I'm happy of how it turned out.

My special talent is assuming our friendship is a burden on you and you dread hearing from me. So then I stop talking to you to ease the load and ruin what we had

MAKE ME CHOOSE  ─ @baek1nho​ asked:  wenzhou or wangxian

LWJ wants to be a dad

I love how much lwj wants to raise kids with wwx.

We have the first moment he realizes this in Yiling when he meets a-Yuan.

He is surprised to learn that a-Yuan is wwx’s son, but he immediately, with zero hesitation, just goes. No, he’s our son.

A whole new world just opened up for him. There’s nothing else on his mind. Head empty just how do I ask my not-really-even-friend-anymore with whom I am most deeply in love and who is currently being hunted down if I can adopt his son so we can raise him together?

Like, seriously, I cant handle this! Five minutes ago he had no idea he wanted to be a parent and now he’s imagining his future raising this child with wwx. Life sure is unpredictable.

The betrayal! He can’t believe wwx would do this. Wei Ying, this is NOT how we are going to raise our son. If you ask him which toy he likes best, you have to buy it for him. How can you be so heartless? We will have to have a conversation about this. For now I hope my glare conveys that this CANNOT happen again.

This is all he has ever wanted, to be hugged by his son with wwx as co-parent.

Obviously, we all know that he doesn’t get exactly that. he has to raise a-Yuan alone, and does an exceptional job, because he is a great dad and Lan Sizhui is the best boy.

But then we have the other moment when he meets Mianmian’s daughter.

He is so soft, he has such a soft spot for children. He just starts fantasizing about being a dad again.

I can tell you are being adorable again Wei Ying but I am too busy choosing the name of our future child.

They act like a married couple. Wei Ying is right in assuming that he can promise my money, everything I own is yours Wei Ying. And I am very glad my glare all those years ago worked. When you make a promise to a child you have to keep it.

This is too much. Wei Ying pouting so adorably in front of a little girl sure can’t be allowed. There has to be some rule about this. Wait, does this mean that I might see this all the time now I’ve decided we will raise a child? This time we might actually be able to raise a child together.

They are both amazing parents but i just love that every time lwj sees a child near wwx he just decides that they will be dads together. He can’t help it.

Dryad and Delilah

i have so many thoughts about junhui's single it's so pretty i'm crying

as much as wei wuxian lacks any sense of self preservation and just like the bare minimum level of self worth required to value himself and his own safety/comfort I don't think he actually like. hates himself. at least not in the traditional sense

I often see him characterized in fanon as constantly and very Bluntly being like "oh I'm a bad bad man who doesn't deserve any love or affection" even tho that... doesn't really match his character? like the man obviously has self worth problems and values his life and comfort below literally everybody elses, often to a harmful and deadly degree, and the way he treats and thinks of himself is clearly by no means healthy, but I certainly don't think it manifests in the way people like to depict it where wei wuxian actively has these desperately tragic self depreciating thoughts that literally Spell Out his lack of self worth to himself

he spends So much time and effort really driving home the whole "I'm just an arrogant shameless genius" act and being in complete denial of any negative emotions he has that it would be incredibly out of character for wei wuxian to sit around thinking "oh I'm so terrible and I don't deserve love or kindness because I'm such an awful awful man" much less to Say That Outloud To A Loved One

wei wuxian KNOWS that he's talented. he KNOWS that he's a prodigy and a genius and near unmatched in his skill and, even after his resurrection when he's a little less arrogant and a little more humble, he certainly is not afraid to say as much to other people or to show off. he doesn't doubt his abilities or his charm or his cleverness, it's not even that he doesn't value them, he simply doesn't put Worth to any of it. he doesn't see himself as undeserving of love and kindness and affection, just Less deserving. anything else in the world is more deserving, above him and his desires and his comfort and his safety. he doesn't hate himself, doesn't even dislike himself, he simply doesn't care for himself

even when he accepts harsh punishment too quick and without protest, it's not a form of blatant self hatred or self harm, it's a manifestation of his feelings of not being worth the effort of being spared. it probably even comes from a place of valuing himself "Too Much". because wei wuxian is very talented and very smart and he is the very best at everything he does, so if somebody he places any value or trust in decides to punish him, well, then he really must have done something terrible ("at least I could be killed by you - that would be worth it" and all that) he simply has no affection or tenderness to give himself. that is not synonymous with hatred or even with apathy

wei wuxians lack of self worth does not manifest in self depreciating thoughts or monologues about how nobody can or should love him, because for as much as wei wuxian talks, he is a man of action

wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he will provoke wen chao and accept a beating and a night in a cell with grace if it keeps others safe. everyone else at the wen indoctrination camp remaining unharmed is worth one night of his blood and tears

wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he is so very prepared to let madam yu cut off his hand, so very prepared learn to use a sword with his left, if it will spare yunmeng. everything he loves and wants to protect is worth more than a hand, no matter how unfair that punishment may be

wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he will give jiang cheng his core. because jiang chengs happiness is worth more than everything he has dedicated his life to, everything he has spent countless hours becoming the very best at. to see jiang cheng smile again, to see jiang yanli stop worrying and simply be able to rest again, that is worth far more to him than anything a golden core could offer

wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he will let the world believe he has been cast from his family to spare them. wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he will not tell wen qing he is injured, because his blood is not worth her worry

wei wuxian does not hate himself, but when the wen remnants die for him, when jiang yanli perishes by his hand, however indirect, well. those losses and those crimes are far too heavy and far too abhorrent for his life to be worth anything in the wake of them

and wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he will let the world believe for a second time that he is a liar and a villain and a monster if that will spare even just lan wangjis name. wei wuxians reputation is worth far less to him than lan wangjis

wei wuxian does not hate himself, of course wei wuxian does not hate himself. he loves himself, actually. it's just that wei wuxian does not love himself back, and he certainly loves everybody else far more

me: *talking about how wei wuxian should have just accepted help and not do everything on his own and maybe accepted that some people really did care for him*

also me: *will spend weeks not talking to anyone if going through a depressive episode and isolate myself to not burden others*