Don't Delete Your Xitter Account. It Will Just Leave Your Handle Up For Grabs And Add To Their Data Pile.

I had something like this

Therapist: "You should think about increasing your daily physical activity. Does that sound doable to you?"

Me: "Sure, easy. I've been thinking about increasing my daily physical activity my whole life"

"This is a phone alarm. One of those is enough to wake a grown man"

"How many did you set?"

How do you manage time blindness?

Me whenever I have to go somewhere:

Those are my morning alarms. They allow me to get ready for work without losing track of time.

And somehow, I sometimes still manage to leave late.

The leftover Dog Residue can be used to farm infinite gold

I just reduced a dog to its base components (dog powder, binding reagent) with alchemical techniques

If we domesticated bears instead of dogs, we would have huggable bears right now

This is leftist culture

my kid has started to write stories and like, no lies, they’re funny as fuck

This is an actual rock