Oluwande: Whenever Jim Is Mad At Me, I Tighten The Lids On All The Jars So They Have To Get Help From

Izzy, Fang, and Ivan: [arguing]

Blackbeard: [slaps arm on the table] WE ARE IN A GODDAMN IHOP. ACT LIKE IT.

Oluwande: Frenchie offered me his drink because I mentioned I was thirsty.

Oluwande: I was not fucking expecting to take a sip of Baja Blast Mountain Dew at 7 in the morning.

Fang: Comin' outta my cage and I been doin' just-

Izzy: FUCK

Stede: What are you doing?

Frenchie, taking a Buzzfeed quiz to see what kind of Poptart he is: work

Lucius, describing Stede to a store clerk: He's about this tall, blonde hair, dark eyes.... [raises voice] and he looks horrible in teal!

Stede, from the wine aisle: NO I DON'T

[first day as a pilot]

Control Tower: What are your coordinates?

Ed: I'm by a cloud that's shaped like a lion.

Control Tower: Can you be more specific?

Ed: simba

Blackbeard: Hey, Stede-

Stede: [crying softly in front of the TV]

Blackbeard: Oh, did the documentary mention another bird that mates for life?

Stede: [nods]

Oluwande: Almost hit Buttons with my car today. I was pulling up to the house and apparently he didn't see me. So this guy darts out in front of me and I hit the brakes-

Oluwande: And he fucking dabs.

Oluwande: His automatic reaction to almost getting hit by a car was to just fucking dab. His LAST MOMENTS would have been a sick ass dab.

Oluwande: i'm worried about him

Black Pete: GOD you're so clingy.

Lucius: YOU came into MY bed???

[on a deserted island]

Izzy, in his journal: Day 1. Alone. Mentally sound, doing well. Met a crab.

Izzy: Day 2. I have married the crab.

Izzy: Day 3. I have eaten my wife.