Fire: Rambling #16
Fire: Rambling #16
19th April 2022, 00:56
When I was an child to early teenager, I really liked fire. In fact, I was obsessed with fire. I guess you could call me a pyromaniac. I would set fire to a lot of things in all shapes and sizes. Socks, underwear, toilet paper, you name it. Sometimes I would hang toilet paper between posts and set the middle on fire just to see the paper fall apart. Sometimes I would roll paper into faux cigarettes and set fire to the end just to scare drivers into thinking a child was smoking tobacco (I still don’t smoke, although I have had the occasional cigarette, but I think that’s primarily an excuse for me to carry my lighter around with me, I’m still attached to it). I had a stalker back in high school (but that’s a story for another day). She would copy everything I did. One of the things she copied was my obsession with fire. So, one day when I was at her house, she brought me some lighters. Of course, I made a SAFE fire in her garden. But, she was an idiot, and so was her little brother. They left the lighters beside the fire. Seeing this, I backed away and hid behind a car. The stalker followed me, none the wiser. Her little brother stayed by the fire. Three, two, one, and the thing caused a chain reaction of explosions between the lighters. It was so loud. I remember her mum running outside and screaming doolally. Luckily, or rather unlucky because I hated the little shit (he chased me around with a roller skate as a weapon once and I wanted nothing more than to smash his head against the corner of the mantelpiece), her brother was unharmed. It didn’t deter me from my arson. I still set fire to things. I was not afraid of fire. People would ask me to make their fires on the beach and they were always so surprised at 1. my ability to make a fire from nothing and 2. how I was so nonchalant when handling the flames. As aforementioned, I still carry my lighter with me. You never know when you’ll need to set your old high school on fire.
~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)
More Posts from Tokidokioki and Others
The saddest thing is when you are feeling real down, you look around and realize that there is no shoulder for you.
paramore - caught in the middle
Half tempted to take a whole bottle of sleeping pills. Who cares?
Me going about my day normally
My brain: Damn, you should kill yourself
I’ve never understood how people throw around the word love so easily. They’ll claim to love their whole family, all of their friends, and their significant other. How can you love that many people at once? If push comes to shove, who would you really choose? Who does it come down to?
They’ll claim to love someone after 3 weeks of knowing them, and then fall out of love with someone in an equally short span of time, or be drawn to another just as quickly. How are you even remotely interested in anyone else?
Maybe you have affection for them, and thats what they mean, but love? That binding to the soul? That choiceless, powerful bond where you’d do anything and everything for them? Where you hold them above the lives of everyone else and even your own morality, your own soul? Would you legitimately go through the Gates of Hell for them? Follow them to the ends of the earth? Do “normal” people not feel that way? Thats rare, once or twice in a lifetime.
People must have a much weaker, watered down definition of love than I do. Have most people felt actual love at all? Same with hatred, with despair, with rage. Sometimes I wonder if most modern, non traumatized people have truly felt those things at all. Is modern life too safe for legitimate emotion? Are they lying? Exaggerating? Simply ignorant to the shallow depth of their emotions, inexperienced?
I am chronically emotionally vacant, I am fake, yet sometimes I think I’m the only real person in the world. On the very rare occassion that I do care for someone, I care for them with my entire being. Maybe I am just obsessive. Maybe its not normal to be unable to love more than one person at a time, or to find it so difficult and rare to attach to others.
when is someone going to confess that they’re obsessed with me
I don’t know how much i can resist anymore,i can feel my life it’s coming to an end.
