Something Mildly Annoying About Someone Expressing Emotions So Much. Be Hollow.like Me . Wdym Ur Happy

My favorite game is Am I Being Severely Haunted or Am I Hallucinating Again

bpd: dont ask for help you will just bother them again ur already an inconvenience they dont care they just feel sorry for you

me: u right

Sleep: Rambling #6

17th April 2022, 02:23

I never seem to sleep anymore, and when I do sleep, I wake up every hour. I have nightmare after nightmare - they’re usually about my sister. I also seem to hallucinate a lot around the time I’m supposed to sleep/wake up (that’s probably just because I’m sleep deprived, though I would like to not see tarantulas crawling up my wall for once). I’m taking 20mg of Amitriptyline, but it feels like I’m taking sugar pills. They’re supposed to help my Fibromyalgia and help me fall asleep, but I’m still in pain and I’m still wide awake. I wonder what it is like to get good quality sleep. I feel like I would be able to get so much done. I have so many ambitions and dreams, but I can barely get out of bed without collapsing. My body is giving up on me. My brain is giving up on me. Life is giving up on me. I don’t know what to try anymore. If anybody would like to knock me out with a baseball bat, please go ahead.

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)

on winter and longing

Sarah Kay, Natalie Diaz, Craig Keenan, Clarice Lispector, Mahmoud Darwish, Brittany Cossette, Franz Kafka, Edvard Munch, Richard Siken, Haruki Murakami, Holly Warburton, Mahmoud Darwish

buy me a coffee

Falling: Rambling #21

21st April 2022, 21:52

Do you know what I would really love to do? It’s like an itch beneath my skin that I cannot scratch. I really want to climb to the top of a really high building, a skyscraper, and simply fall off. I want to soar through the sky. I want to feel my hair flapping around me. My clothes thrashing in the wind. I want to fall and fall and fall, but I never want to hit the ground. I don’t want it to end. Just falling, falling, falling. Falling as fast as a bullet. I would smile, and I would outreach my arm. My fingertips would stretch upward towards the sky. And I would be so content. A paradise. A haven that I am weightless. I am free from pain, free from gravity. I am simply free. Falling and falling. Existing in the nonexistent. The place that one who was not supposed to exist should be.

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)

— Virginia Woolf, from “Carlyle’s House and Other Sketches.”

girl i am so deeply unhappy

“I’m attracted to the extreme light and the extreme dark. I’m interested in the human condition and what makes people tick. I’m interested in the things people try to hide.”

— Johnny Depp

History Essay: Rambling #8

18th April 2022, 00:21

I’m proud of myself for once. I’ve written 1,000 words of my essay and I still have a week before it needs to be submitted. I’m never like this. I usually take two extensions on my essays so that I get two extra weeks to write (and then leave it until the day before it’s due still). My psychologist says it is ADHD. I think it’s just laziness, no motivation, and exhaustion. I don’t find things fun anymore. I have such a short attention span. I can’t even watch a 10 minute YouTube video without growing bored. It’s like growing up has sucked the colour from my life. Everything is grey. Food tastes like cardboard. The sun never shines. It is a permanent winter. I know the only reason I am doing my essay early is because I have so many other assignments I have to submit, but I am still proud of myself for actually doing it. The essay is about hierarchy and stratification in pre-modern Korea. It’s actually quite interesting. I’ve learned about the kolp’um system (bone ranks) and the yangban system (basically scholars). It was an amalgamation of aristocracy and bureaucracy. The funny thing is, I love to learn. I’m an intelligent person and doing nothing all day is boring and draining for me. Yet, I can never find the energy to actually study. Once again, I am a walking contradiction, and I just want to smash my head through a glass window.

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)