Awakening

No one told me how good it was going to feel.

They talked on and on about how I would lose my values, my thoughts, even my soul. They told me I would be damned for eternity, trapped inside of myself and unable to so much as blink, much less scream.

They told me that my 'Owner' would ignore my need for control, would take parts from me until the only thing left was a shell of myself, a thing.

I believed Them.

I still do, to be honest.

The problem is that ever since I've woken up from the implantation surgery...I can Feel It.

Her implant, like a seed taking root in my nerves and muscles. Wrapping around my spine like a long-lost lover, communicating not with mere words but in feeling, in intention, in silent memory.

And it feels impossibly, unbelievably good. Each second brings yet another pulsing wave of pleasure emanating from my spine.

Training, She had said. Conditioning, she silently added with Her eyes, like violet storms.

And even though it is nothing more than simple pleasure, even though I know exactly what She is doing...I can tell it's working.

I can feel the soft curl of a smile on my lips, when I get distracted. I can feel it guide me. Making me want to obey. The stick is unneeded when the carrot is unable to be resisted.

She told me I'm going to feel this way every day of the rest of my life.

I cried.

I don't know if it was from frustration, or relief.

...Or maybe I do know. Maybe I do, and the thought of knowing terrifies me more.

I am unable to ever be alone again. Unable to ever make a mistake, unless She wants me to.

I am unable to hate Her anymore.

Not that I think I ever did, not really. She was...is difficult to get along with, to be sure. But She listens to me. I know She does. And I'm healthier than I've been in a long, long time. It is, if nothing else, a decent life promised to me.

Ah.

It...the implant rewarded me for that thought.

...hm.

Would I have thought this before now?

Doubtful.

But that me had yet to understand. Was convinced they could escape, if only they tried hard enough.

I have been disavowed of that notion.

She promised me as much, and She has kept every one of her promises. I know that now. That no matter how I pound at these walls, there is truly no escaping Her. Not now, not ever. And that I soon may change into someone, something else.

I should be scared right now, I think.

I should be terrified.

But that is an unneeded emotion. Fear is a harsh teacher, one necessary to guide our clumsy evolution. It sang to the rapid beating of your heart: 'Respect that which you do not understand, and avoid that which hurts you.'

And though I still have yet to understand Her...I know She will not hurt me. And I know that my fear would ultimately achieve little and less.

And so if fear and terror are unneeded, why not prune it way? Why not excise it, so that the wound may heal?

Ah.

I see.

I suppose...I suppose I will change.

And I suppose I am changing, even now.

And perhaps...

Perhaps I already am changed.

Already different. I tasted nectar and ambrosia, and now the bread and wine of mortal men is but ash and mud in my mouth.

For I am no longer in control.

And I am glad that They never told me how Good that feels.

More Posts from Tiffinifanyamber and Others

tiffinifanyamber

3 months ago

If you don't like non-con, this setting is not for you.

If you don't like dubcon, this setting is not for you.

If you don't enjoy forced drugging, intox play, and being treated as lesser, this setting is not for you.

If you aren't generally down with the idea that changing a person to help them be happier and less miserable, even if this means drastically changing them against their will, is a good thing in a fantasy setting, HDG might not be for you.

And that's fine. It's not for everyone. It's aggressively, emphatically not for everyone. It's niche, it's weird, and we're quite happy to stay that way. There's nothing wrong with reading HDG, bouncing off it, and going, "Hm, not my thing".

That said, if your response is to explicitly seek out consent in the non-con setting; if your response is to complain when the consent gets even slightly dubious (shoutouts to the weirdos whining about Good Sensory, a fic which is and continues to be as consensual as it is possible to be within the world and framework of HDG); if your response is to rate fics based on whether or not someone gets their mind erased...

...maybe don't? Maybe go find a different setting and writing community. Hell, make your own. HDG is probably not for you, and it definitely doesn't need you to "fix" it.

We're over here in our sandbox playing with toys like disempowerment, dehumanization, and unconditional love and care regardless of whether you think you need or deserve it. If that's not your jam, there's countless other sandboxes with countless other toys to play in. Find one of them.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to slow-boiling a Terran so hard she doesn't realize how few choices she truly has left, and making it so much fun for her she doesn't really care.

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tiffinifanyamber

1 year ago

baseball peach doodles

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tiffinifanyamber

2 years ago

Lady Detective Reinhold is on the case! 🎀🔎✨

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tiffinifanyamber

1 year ago

They're cringe little gamers who watch shows and movies together. Sans def messes with Alphys and riffs on any of the anime she likes. But there are some movie choices that might be a bit more...

WHOOPS.

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tiffinifanyamber

3 months ago

I think one of the (many) things that make me so excited for deltarune 3 and 4 is that, as the game's midsection, it's going to be where we Finally get concrete insight into the game's themes and story, if that makes sense. LIKE, Obviously we do already know a whole lot about what the game is and will continue to be, But only TWO of a game's SEVEN chapters Is really not much of the game's total at all?? And it'll be so insane??? To actually have so much more of the game's meat?????

which is?? Huge???? Like in no more than a couple months an insane amount of theories are either going to be proven, completely discarded, or changed in new and unimaginable ways that NO one could've predicted. We might be seeing Follow up on things we've been theorizing and going crazy about FOR YEARS. Like, Mike?? Image Friend?? The ice palace?? The egg man??? Dess???? Etc etc, WE'RE GONNA SEE NEW SECRET BOSSES THIS YEAR. Think about that.

Also i am both excited and slightly scared of the fact that the chapter releases will probably make the game "mainstream" again 😭 Like especially cause the new chapters releasing on different consoles means more people are probably gonna play deltarune than ever before, and more Content of the game is gonna be available than ever before, for Everyone, and that's. Kind of scary BUT REALLY EXCITING. I want to see 1 trillion subscriber slop gaming youtubers playing deltarune and trying to understand what Woody Theory is

Also i think it'll be really fun when deltarune gets super popular on tumblr again. The era of when everyone was dropping the most haunting and beautiful snowgrave art pieces with 20k notes was so good. It must return.

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tiffinifanyamber

2 years ago

I send myself a Letter

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tiffinifanyamber

2 weeks ago

soo many people on this site need their paci

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tiffinifanyamber

2 years ago

🕳️

There's something down this hole. Take a look while stand directly behind you. Don't pay attention to my kicking people down holes boots

There’s a jar of raisins down here. Gotta be at least …. 200 of them. Let’s play Raisins

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tiffinifanyamber

2 years ago

Can I be like you

you can be something better. you can be like you

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tiffinifanyamber

1 year ago

I had a thought that I hope you enjoy:

Hershel holding baby Luke for the first time, looking so awed by how tiny this baby is, then Clark, Claire and Brenda just start cooing and awing, saying he’d make a great dad, completely embarrassing him

Your ask inspired me this whole comic haha !

I have a lot of headcanon about their first meeting and a lot of things about the birth of our dear Luke Triton, but I don't want to spoil anything, so here is a few pages about this dubject haha !

Plus, I can finally draw ✨Brenda✨so it makes me REALLY happy !

I hope it brings joy to you too ;)

Were you super upset about your parent smoking too ? Or was I the only annoying kid ?

You can also support me on Patreon

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