Do You Think The Universe Fights For Souls To Be Together? Some Things Are Too Strange And Strong To

dear winter

dear winter,

just this time, will you please stop making snowflakes? i sneeze a little too often than before. do not attempt to dance outside my windows, i will never come out and watch you. please be gone as soon as possible, i can never get pass through your time.

just this time, i want you to not kill me again because every year when you are here, you kiss me with your snowflakes and i feel bliss even if i know you’re also kissing someone else. you whisper sweet nothings against my windows and every morning i wake up and see them as lyrics of a daylight lullaby; i smile even if i know in the evening, you’ll still give me nightmares. you control me and poison me to just give my every minute to you when you are here.

just this time, please stop… because just when everything comes to the most freezing moments of mine, you leave and i die; i don’t want that to happen again.

so please, just this time…

just this time… i want you to go away.

i am restraining myself on missing you as i run out of breathe each day. come back when i am when i want to feel frozen.

(eusie.)

I don’t know what to do anymore

1. It's 3:29 AM; please let me sleep. My eyes are your prisoners, even my mind is still hanging at the tip of your tongue. I am out of tears, and my throat is dry that I stopped calling your name since midnight, because I know you wouldn't hear me. You painted me transparent. Please, I want to stay alive. Can you share with me the air you have in your lungs once again? Please take back what you said on leaving me. Look at me again. Look back. Undo everything.

2. Why did you give me up?

3. The phone rang a few times this morning. But I couldn't have the courage to pick it up, because I'm afraid that when I find out it's not you who's calling, I might collapse. I'm afraid that when it's someone we know who goes asking about what happened, I will be speechless. I'm afraid that when they ask about you, when they mention your name, I could yell at them. How can they say your name so easily? Because when it comes to me, I cry at once at the sound of the first letter.

4. I tried to kill myself last night. But when I got hold of the gun, I started crying for hours.

5. People kept telling that I shouldn't be like this. They say they understand me. But I know they don't. They wouldn't even try to, because they don't know how it felt to be thrown away.

6. I miss you. I miss you to the point that I hear your voice coming out of my mouth whenever I speak like it's my own. Sometimes I sing to myself with my hands clinging to the air because I imagine you dancing with me. But that makes me yearn more of you. I want you here now beside me. I want you to be here staring into my eyes while I stare at yours. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

7. Mom said she threw your favorite book. She didn't know later when evening came, even when it was raining, I swam across our garden and crawled all the way to where we keep the garbage. I tried to find it hoping that when I do, in the morning, you'll find me. I failed.

8. I remember when my friends said to me, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" And that time, I wanted to believe that there will be none. But now, a few days later, I realized, the answer to it was me.

9. A friend asked about you. I answered that you were dead. Maybe because I thought it would hurt less but instead, it hurt more. Maybe because you weren’t, you’re still alive but you’re gone and out of my life. And I’m the one who’s dying. I’m the one who’s dead. I’m a living corpse.

10. Where are you? I want to come to you.

11. The radio is playing ‘Chasing Cars’ again. Every now and then it makes me think of you. After each song, I cry until the night dies. You’re stuck inside my head again. It’s painful thinking that my thoughts are full of you and yours aren’t full of me. Do you know that the part where it says, ‘Those three words are sad too much. They’re not enough,’ is the one that affects me the most? Not because it’s exactly what you said to me but because I realized it was true. And I realized that ‘I love you’ doesn’t always mean ‘I’ll love you forever.’ You’re the one who taught me that. But I keep on asking myself, why did I do to make you stop on loving me?

12. I am corrupted by you.

13. Every day of my whole life since you were gone has been dark. Every day seemed to be always night. Perhaps because of the black hole inside my chest that you left.

14. I saw the letters that you’ve written months ago. I tried to kiss them one by one but they all turned to ashes. And they got inside my eyes. I cried again.

15. I am scared to look at the mirror. I am frightened to look at myself, and get a sight of myself but see a whole lot of you. I am terrified to see the remains of you that you left in me because it only means you’re totally gone and you took my soul with you. I fear that I’ll finally admit to myself that when I lost you, I also lost myself.

(eusie.)

“you wrote that?” / “you asked me to.”

a.k.a. i’m in love with allen’s love for lu

*

i can feel it as it slowly decays                 this isn't love anymore                               last night, the sky was starless could the moon still be enough to light up the darkness?

**

i can feel you slowly drowning away     are you still in love?                      last night, i heard you crying could i still be enough to stop you from aching?

(eusie.)

“I know pretty much what I like and dislike; but please, don’t ask me who I am.” - Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

B.raV.O.

Dear (b    n),

You’re: another shade of perfect that won’t match with my skin; a walking perfect disaster (a soft, soft sin).

You’re: a little too late — but still a wonderful feel — of autumn bliss; another fairytale worth a poisoned apple kiss.

You’re: pale, yet rosy and gray; midnight rumblings of ‘stay stay stay.’

You’re: a loss of breath; a wrong kind of fret.

You’re: my wrong-timing, my would-have, my what-if; my probably, my maybe.

Yours,

(eusie.)

The boy of my dreams turns out to be a nightmare.

Wake me up (eusie.)

if you can read this in heaven (a eulogy)

i. i won’t tell her name. no, i won’t. but i will tell you about the patterns encrypted on her skin that i have tried to read. i will tell you how it went when i found out she’s gone to the moments i can’t remember anymore.

ii. i didn’t think she is cold as winter when i traced her backbones while she was asleep, i didn’t think that her bones will eat me when i tried to kiss the scars inside of her; what i thought was that she would be happily singing melodies as she shows me the remaining life inside her veins but i am half way between what i think and the truth

iii. because she is an unsent letter written by a star who fell in love with the moon. she is an unsent letter, full of tears, lost and blown away.

iv. to where she landed is where the moon shines the most, it blinded her and let her forget what she was meant to do; to where she landed is where she became a star and she had thought that the moon is the knight of day that saved her

v. so she fell in love, and she fell in love more and more each night. her tears became dusts that continued to blind her and poisoned her to think about forever. she drew a map within her edges, this is for her to look at when she’s lost in the moon’s light. she blew away the words that her mind whispered every day — the words that wanted to warn her. yes, she tried to be new. yes, she tried to become lovable. yes, she wants to be loved by the moon.

vi. but everything didn’t go the way she wanted and now she’s a dead body with a dying soul; the moon never looked at her, only shined for her, that’s why she crashed herself but only ended up being bones and a rib cage.

vii. this is when i stopped reading her like what i always do when i read books. i stopped reading her because i might cry. i said i’ll come back to where i paused and read her until the end but now she’s gone and i can’t remember anymore. no, i don’t want to remember. what i want is to follow her because the sound of her bones cracking and the smell of her unknown stories are calling me.

viii. so if you can read this in heaven, i want you to know that i’m talking about you; i want you to know that i’ll be following you.

(eusie.)

sumesex naman ata di murder eh

// murder naman yata eh, hindi sex //

This is about Don’t even think about it, yes?

Hi. I’ll just be in the corner and contemplate about what I did wrong. And probably study about read between the lines? DUNNO. Good evening

@bookhay: “Nalibugan ka lang bes hahahaha”

gb vkfckxjskhf ;isdujeidhfiLAdH FIEKJFif eihfow can't write anything ielhkdnfoia HGEJDFI J iejfei can't even think straight fheuwljfhdn ; idkhfnd no pun intended

listen. i want everything to finally be over. but i don't want the process. i don't want to be in between. i want to be at the beginning and at the end only. i don't want the stress. please and thank you