Vanya’s Mind

CANNOT stop thinking about vanya feeling incredibly threatened by christopher and being like “oh and how many apocalypses have you caused??? huh??? none??? that’s what I fucking THOUGHT, whos the better seven now” and all her siblings are like who the fuck are you. what the fuck is your problem

i drew this just in case he gets a costume change in s3 and i cant make this joke anymore

maybe five doesnt change out of his uniform because he likes to be quirky

Fucking tomorrow

"Lila joins him when he breaks out, but can she be trusted?"

I don't like the sound of that...

We've already been betrayed by Leonard...

We don't need to be betrayed by Lila too...

Klaus is probably telling them his why I don’t date twins anymore story

she was not fragile like a flower (insp.)

Vanya Hargreeves Was Completely Valid In Everything She Did

Ok. So.

Vanya Hargreeves—I’m just gonna say it, is the most relatable character I’ve ever seen. Specifically Ellen Page’s adaptation. Here’s why.

Vanya is what happens when somebody doesn’t respect themself, gives too much, and gets hurt.

In her childhood, Vanya was raised to see herself as nothing. To place everyone above her—her siblings, specifically. She was supposed to be small, of course so that she wouldn’t be dangerous. However, that just made her incredibly depressed.

She didn’t just crave connection and respect though. She wanted to give it to others, because that’s what she was taught—that others deserved it, not her. That’s why she left the lights on for Five. That’s why she reaches out to him again. That’s why she talks to Allison. That’s why she reaches out to Leonard. Why she talks to the first chair violinist in the bathroom. Because she wants to be needed, to be useful, and loved in the only way she knows how. For others.

Which brings me to my second point. Vanya Hargreeves is not a selfish person. A lot of people seem to think that because she is shy and anxious and self defeating that she’s self centered, but that’s not the case. She reaches out multiple times to people, tries to do what they would need, because she cares. She genuinely cares.

So what happens when someone takes advantage of that low self respect, and that need to love and be loved?

Leonard fucking Asshat Jenkins.

Leonard was raised by an abusive father, and boy oh boy did he learn a few tricks from him. He molded himself into everything Vanya could need, and she took the bait, because she was desperate. She’d tried multiple things already—attempting to validate herself and her experiences by writing a book, giving lessons to children, taking medication, reaching out. So why not let this man be a good thing in her life? If he ever treats her wrong, it’s her fault, right?

Then Allison tells her her secret. Vanya didn’t remember being rumored—a very close parallel to how a lot of people deal with trauma. Indeed, being locked in a cage and treated how she was was traumatic. Vanya is angry. She’s been shown that she’s worth something, and now someone who’s repeatedly let her down and only recently been a better sister to her has turned her back on her by telling her this gut wrenching truth from her past. Remembering trauma alone is huge. But hearing it from one of the people who unwittingly hurt you? Can you really blame her for lashing out? Of course, it was an accident how far it went, but her anger, if not right, was still understandable.

And then Leonard. Leonard, the person who she trusted, was just out to hurt her too. Vanya recognizes this—this isn’t the first time she’s been used for her powers. So for the second time, she becomes angry not at herself, as she’d always done in the past, but at someone else. She lashes out. This man who’d filled her with such happiness, happiness that turned to poison. Someone she’d been intimate with. Someone she loved.

Then as a cherry on the fucking cake, her siblings lock her in a cage. Imagine going through an abusive relationship, discovering past trauma, and also discovering you have fucking super powers—then the only people you have left, the people who are supposed to help—lock you up. They’re scared of you. They’re just like everyone else. There’s no hope.

So yeah, Vanya Hargreeves at that point was hurt, confused, lost, and oh, sooo angry. And I think she had some pretty fuckin good reasons. She had no reason to hold back. She’d been holding back all her life.

While trying to kill the world is really shitty, look into Ellen Page’s lifeless glowing eyes and tell me Vanya Hargreeves wasn’t just a puppet being controled by her hurt. Her illnesses. Her trauma, her grief for her past and the loss of trust she’d endured. Tell me she was evil. I’ll tell you she’s me.

hargreeves gender headcanons

luther

cis and doesn’t really get the whole gender thing, but hes supportive

diego

honestly, im conflicted but im going to tentatively say cis

has definitely thought about his gender in depth before, especially after like all his siblings started coming out as trans (so around the age of 15 right until he was 22)

but, eventually, he knows that he’s, without a doubt, a dude

allison

nb

pronouns are she/they

will steal clothes and makeup and just like. anything and everything from klaus

feels a disconnect from womanhood, but also a connection? its complicated

once they tried to explain their gender to luther and he really didn’t understand anything but he was like ‘i have no idea what that means but i support you and youre still my best friend : )’ and allison is like. yeah okay good enough

will call themself a woman, and is fine with with other trans people calling them a woman but no one else

wlw and nblm

is open about her gender and doesnt really make a big deal about it, but the first time she called herself trans or nonbinary there were so many articles published about it and everytime someone interviewed her they asked her about it and she just -_-

klaus

nb

pronouns are he/him

will steal clothes and makeup and just like. anything and everything from allison

honestly doesn’t feel particularly connected to womanhood or manhood or any specific label, he’s just vibing

nblm and nblw

five

age twelve he told everyone he was a boy and then proceeded to completely ignore anyone who slipped up

came out at the same time as vanya

they were pretty much the same size so grace swapped his and vanya’s wardrobes

really he only knew people could be trans because vanya came up to him and was like ‘i think im a girl?’ and he was like ‘you can do that?’ and shes like ‘i think so?’ and hes like ‘oh. me too then’(but abt being a boy) and then he proceeded to find as many books on the subject as he could and shared them with her

grace had actually given him a name but he decided he likes five better

ben

well. five and vanya came out and ben immediately started reading everything he could find about trans stuff and while reading he was like. huh that sounds like me.

so, two and a half weeks after five and vanya come out ben is like ‘okay me too.’

he decided on the name ben for himself

vanya

she kind of always hated being referred to as a boy. like she hated it so much, it was one of the few things that could actually elicit a strong emotion out of her and for the longest time she has no idea why

then one day, someone refers to her as a girl and shes like !!!! holy shit!! im a girl!!

a few years later, after holding onto this and mulling it over, she approaches five bc hes her best friend obviously

they read so many books about being trans and gender and shit and shes a little @_@ but! shes having fun and five is using the right pronouns for her and its the most comfortable shes ever felt

she told five that she wanted to come out, but was really nervous about it and he offered to come out with her (he was kind of already waiting for her to be ready for that anyway but she doesnt know that)

unlike ben, she did not want to change her name! she really likes the way vanya sounds and its very much her name

tag any of this as ship and i will eviscerate you ❤ they are siblings and they love each other siblingly

i have a lil canon divergent trans vanya story that’s been on the slow cooker in the back of my mind, here’s what i’ve got so far. his name is ivan bc vanya is a diminutive of ivan and also ivan is a cool name that slaps hard

- he sits down to write the book and does actual introspection for the first time in his life and he’s like ohhh my god im not a girl. idk for sure what i am yet but it sure as hell isn’t a girl. so he calls up diego and is like “hey so you’re trans” and diego is like “…….hello to you too” and ivan’s like “okay so fun fact! so am i” and diego is popping bottles

- diego comes over and mayhaps they both get a little drunk and diego’s like so what’s up? and ivan is like “okay so i was writing this tell all memoir about our childhood-” and diego goes i’m gonna stop you right there. no you absolutely are not. so the book doesn’t get written, ivan and diego get a lot closer, and ivan doesn’t burn bridges with the rest of his siblings

- after a while ivan is like fuck it……hrt time. he goes to the doctor and the conversation goes a lil like this: doctor: are you on any prescription medications? :) ivan: uhhh yeah 500000 milligrams of fuckshit, take twice a day and supplement as needed :) doctor, picking up the phone: okay so we’re checking you into the hospital right now immediately. also i think you need to fire or maybe kill your psychiatrist 

- so he gets off the meds way sooner! this has two major impacts: he learns about his powers, and he gets more in touch with his emotions. his powers scare the hell out of him but he’s got diego, and klaus too when he’s reachable (he/they solidarity)! klaus is the one who puts it together that allison must have rumored him and it’s a good thing she’s on the other side of the country bc in that moment ivan may have killed her. but she’s not, and he has time to calm down and process how he feels about it.

- he gets a lot more confidence and self esteem and starts going to Real Therapy. he becomes much closer with his coworkers at the orchestra, he gets second chair, the kids he tutors LOVE him. one day he and allison are able to have a (mostly) civil talk about it and they start rebuilding that bridge together, allison even invites him to a couple movie premieres. there are still setbacks and bad days and things aren’t perfect but they’re getting better and god they could be so much worse 

- so all in all things are going pretty well! the Conflict would come from reginald somehow realizing that ivan’s off the meds but like i don’t actually have any more details, i just think it would be interesting

- i think the apocalypse could still happen, but it would be a result of reginald himself trying to contain ivan rather than what actually happens in s1. it would be interesting though bc five wouldn’t have ivan’s book in the future and wouldn’t know anything about what happened after he left