Latest Posts by thevictorianvagrant - Page 2
You ever have that moment...
When you wake up and realize, none of this matters. The social constructs we've created are like an advanced sim that is MADE to only benefit some and keep the rest in line. Why the fuck do we subscribe to this? It makes me hate waking up to this world.
Sigh*
My mind is like an internet browser. 17 tabs are open, 4 of them are frozen and I don’t know where the music is coming from.
Hahahaha I'm dying! It's so true!
i always thought of a king sized bed as being a bit bigger than a queen, but now that i have one, i can tell you that a king sized bed is an absurdity. i can sprawl out, and my husband can sprawl out, and the cat can sprawl out, and none of us are touching. i reach out in the night, and find only pillows and plush walruses. i reach further and eventually find his elbow. he rolls over the comforters to try and find me. “i have crossed oceans of bed to be with you,” he says. there is a vast expanse of bed untouched, unmapped, unexplored. the cat is still trying to sleep on my face.
Ahhh totally me
It might save your life...
I've reblogged Medical Emergency Warning signs for various organs if you have an E.D. (eating disorder). If you are suffering with one, please keep the chart below in mind.
If you are concerned that something’s wrong, you should see a doctor immediately. Your health is not something you should ignore, and most of these problems can be reversible if treated in time (although many can be permanent). I hope you will consider recovery before you are faced with medical complications or even death. Eating disorders can do a lot of damage to your body. Recovery is always an option. ❤ I love you lil bean.
heart palpitations
slow or irregular heartbeat (brachycardia)
fast heartbeat (tachycardia)
cold/icy hands and feet
fainting
chest pain, burning or tightness (angina)
bruising very easily
pain in your shoulders, back, neck, or jaw
red spots on the insides of your arms and legs
blue tint to nailbeds, lips, and skin
tingling in your limbs
blood clots
swelling of your ankles, feet, or abdomen
sweating
weakness or dizziness
coughing up white sputum
cramps or pain in your legs
fullness/choking feeling
shortness of breath
yellow looking skin (jaundice)
yellow eyes
pale, bloody or tar-like stool
swollen or tender abdomen
dark/foul smelling urine
skin rashes
diarrhea
persistent nausea
loss of appetite
exhaustion
bruising easily
excessive or constant sweating
sudden weight gain and high cholesterol
low blood sugar (hypoglycemia)
metabolism slows down
pale or foamy/bubbly urine
urinating very often or very rarely
swelling of your legs, ankles, and feet
shortness of breath
exteme fatigue or drowsiness
nausea that doesn’t go away
feeling cold (anemia)
swollen, puffy face
food tastes like metal
your breath smells like ammonia/fish
brown, red, or purple urine
pressure when urinating
fever
chronic constipation
cramping
pain or difficulty when going to the bathroom
bloody or black stools
foul smelling stools
persistent gas
anal hemmorhoids
sudden extreme urge to go to the bathroom
seizures
mental fuzziness/lack of concentration
memory problems
nightmares
anxiety, depression and paranoia
insomnia and other sleep issues
development of binge eating
suicidal thoughts or thoughts of self harm
compulsive behaviors/rituals
hysteria
feeling restless
impaired or worsening vision and hearing
speech difficulty
irregular breathing
physical numbness
mood swings
bleeding from your ears
stomach pain or cramps
pain when pressing down on stomach
burning sensation in stomach
acid reflux
coughing or vomiting blood
ulcer(s)
coughing white or pink mucus
headaches
chills or fever
diarrhea or bloody stools
bloating
sensitivity to cold
nausea and vomiting
loss of menstrual cycle (amenorrhea) can point to infertility
tooth decay, gum disease
swollen glands in neck
excess hair growth all over your body and face (linugo)
dry, blotchy skin
bones easily fracture and break (osteopenia/osteoperosis)
hair loss
brittle nails
painful esophagus can be a sign of rupture
loss of sex drive
erectile dysfunction
thyroid disorders
getting sick very often (immune system)
dehydration
weak muscles
These are not all of the symptoms and medical complications that can occur because of an eating disorder. It’s important to recognize that an eating disorder can lead to death if left untreated. Please take care of yourself. Recovery is always an option, and you deserve to be healthy and happy. Check out my help page for info on where to start with your recovery. Text 741-741 to chat with a crisis counselor.
My backup blog is @thefitnessdiarist!
For the record...
I won't be posting any thinspo or proana/mia photos, memes, quotes, or blogs. I'm not here to share any motivation for pursuing the fucked up illness we're working through. I'm not your enabler. I'm just here to tell the truth. And hopefully offer some guidance.
So if you want any of the aforementioned, this is not the tumblr for you.
Out of the frying pan...
So I just got diagnosed and put on treatment for depression a few months back. I knew I had it for years, and finally sought help.
It is one of the greatest things I've ever done with my life. If you're struggling with any mental illness find help.
Mental health is finally becoming a dialogue. People are beginning to understand and accept it's importance. Nowadays we have a goldmine of effective medication and therapy for recovery. So if that is something you struggle with keep fighting and don't be afraid to find help.
Personally since starting on my medication I finally feel normal. I feel like myself. I used to think about suicide AT LEAST once a day. Now I don't think about it. I just don't. It's helped change my outlook. Instead of dwelling, I look towards the future. I gotta say it has been beautiful.
Inversely, I feel like I'm out of the frying pan and into the fire. Now that my depression is managed, I've had to face the reality of the issues I've not yet dealt with. The result has been me using some unhealthy coping mechanisms. One of those mechanisms is disordered eating.
How to start...
I just want to be as honest as possible and get some things off my chest I haven't been able to say out loud.
I don't have any followers so I have no reason to pretend. I have no reason to act different than I am for the crowd. No one on here gives a single fuck about what I do or say.
So let's begin...
How to Tell if You Grew Up in a Toxic Household
Most of us have a pretty solid handle on what child abuse looks like. If your parents hit you, starved you, or were sexually inappropriate toward you, it’s relatively easy to figure out that you grew up in a toxic environment. But not all toxic environments are obvious. It’s possible to grow up in a violence-free, middle-class environment, and still have experienced toxic parenting that haunts you into adulthood. For instance: - Your parents treated you like their therapist, and burdened you with adult problems. Children are not emotionally equipped to handle situations like a parent’s suspected infidelity, family financial problems or a parent’s own experience of abuse; they haven’t developed the emotional tools to cope with these situations, and they aren’t in a position to do much more than panic. In healthy families, parents shield their children from information that they aren’t ready to handle, and they find ways to deal with their own emotional problems that don’t involve burdening their children. If one or more parent turned you into their emotional sounding board from a young age, giving you details about their sex life, emotional life, financial situation, addiction, or any other information that you weren’t prepared to handle, that was inappropriate and probably toxic.
- You were forced to lie to cover up problems at home. Your parents expressly forbid you from talking about family problems with outsiders, or coached you on what you should say. An incarcerated family member was “travelling”, an addicted parent “just works too much”, a mentally ill parent is “totally fine”. Everything was about appearances, and any distress you might have been experiencing about your home life was pushed aside in the interest of presenting as a happy, stable family. This robs children of the opportunity to get help, or even learn how to express their pain. Even as an adult, you are probably secretive for no reason, and feel panicked at the thought of someone finding out your life isn’t perfect.
- You were given zero privacy. Children need privacy, and that need for privacy increases every year as they get older. Toxic parents do not respect this. These parents enter without knocking, demand access to all devices, read diaries, rifle through possessions when you’re not home, and scrutinize all monetary spending. They go far above and beyond reasonable monitoring for safety reasons - they question and force you to justify everything you do. They demand to know what you meant when you texted your friend the other day, they want to know why you wasted $5 on junk food last week, they insist that you should have no problem keeping your door open at all times if you have nothing to hide. This behaviour often continues into your adult life - they demand unrestricted access to your apartment after you move out, and will accuse you of having something to hide if you refuse.
- All gifts and favours came with strings attached. Your parents would often offer you some gift or favour - often something that you didn’t even want - and insisted that you accept it. And once you’d accepted it, they would hold it over your head forever. Your dad offers you his old car that you have nowhere to park, and is in need of costly repairs. If you try to refuse, he sulks, calls you ungrateful, and insists that you never let him do anything nice for you. But for months or years after you do take the car, anytime you displease him or refuse one of his ridiculous demands, he hits you with “I was kind enough to give you a car, and this is the thanks I get??”. Your parents do not view gifts as kind gestures or ways to show their live - they view them as tools to keep you trapped and indebted to them.
- Everything was about them. If you get sick, it’s inconvenient for them, because now they have to rearrange their schedule to take you to the doctor, and it’s stressful for them to have a sick child. If you get bullied at school, it’s embarrassing for them to have to deal with the situation. If you get into your dream college, it’s stressful for them to have to think about paying for it, even if you’re paying for it yourself. Every event in your life is framed around your parent and the impact that it will have on their life - your emotions are never considered or given centre stage. You are frequently in a position of having to comfort your parents, even when the thing they are upset about is actually happening to you. You are constantly made to feel selfish for wanting your own life to actually be about you.
- You were called childish and immature, but actively prevented from growing up. Your parents implied that there was something wrong with you because you were single, but expressly forbid you from dating, even in your late teens and early 20s. They constantly threatened to kick you out for not following their rules, but did everything they could to prevent you from actually moving out. They called you lazy, but did not allow you to get a part-time job. They wanted you to be “mommy and daddy’s little kid” forever, even if it meant actively sabotaging you or forbidding you from reaching important milestones. They want you at home with them, but they will constantly complain about the “burden” of providing for you, and remind you that everything in the house is theirs. It’s an elaborate mind-game to keep you dependent and obedient, and it’s unbelievably toxic. - They made decisions for you, and blamed you when those decisions ended poorly. They forced you to go to a local community college instead of going away to university, and now they ridicule you for having a “crappy” education. They forbid you from dating into your early 20s, and now they demand to know why you aren’t getting engaged at age 25 like all their friends’ kids. They chose your career path, extracurriculars and sports for you, and they demand to know why you aren’t excelling at those things. You are never allowed to make your own decisions, but you are held 100% responsible for the outcome of decisions that are made for you - your parents refuse to acknowledge any role that they might have played, and may insist that you had complete free will to make your own decisions, even when you didn’t. - Your parents only cared about how your success makes them look, and anything less than perfection was an embarrassment. Your parents don’t care if you find your job, marriage or achievements personally fulfilling. They care only about taking credit for your success, looking better than their friends, family and neighbors, and benefiting financially from your status in life. You are never warmly or genuinely congratulated for doing well - perfection is expected, and you are punished for delivering anything less. Even if your parents publicly boast about your accomplishments, in private, they compare you to other people your age who they view as more successful, and demand to know why you can’t be more like them. They might demand that you support them financially, and imply that you owe them for all the money they spent raising you.
- They constantly prodded at your insecurities, and made fun of you if you got upset or tried to improve yourself. Toxic parents will latch on to one or more areas that their child is insecure about - usually their appearance or weight, but sometimes their intelligence, talent, or athleticism - and constantly poke fun at them, often in public. If the child gets upset, they are told that they “have no sense of humour”, and they are blamed for getting upset, rather than the parent taking blame for saying something shitty. You are expected to laugh along when your failures are used as family entertainment - when your parent points to you and says “look at this chubby one, going back for seconds” or “the great artist of the family, couldn’t even get into art school”, you are treated like the unreasonable one for being emotionally crushed. If you try to improve on whatever area they are criticizing - by losing weight, improving your grades, etc - they treat you like you’re overreacting, and actively try to stop you. They need you to stay insecure so they always have a sore spot to poke at.
- Your parents insisted that you trust them with your secrets, and then violated your trust. If you refused to tell your parents the details of what was going on your life, they would get upset, accusing you of hiding something or acting wounded that you didn’t trust them. If you were upset, they might even present themselves as a concerned parent and safe space, encouraging you to open up. Once you had, though, your parents would air your dirty laundry to the entire world, no matter how much you begged them not to. The details of your humiliating breakup would be shared among the entire family, your embarrassing medical issues would be openly discussed in front of others at the dinner table, and your secrets would be casually told to your friends whenever they came over. But no matter how often this happened, you weren’t allowed to stop trusting your parents - they would whip out their anger or feigned hurt, and start the process all over again.
- You were told that normal, healthy parenting was “soft” or “abnormal”, and that your parents’ toxic habits would make you stronger. Even if you noticed that your friends seemed to be treated better than you, your parents constantly drilled it into your head that their harsh parenting methods were somehow beneficial to you, and that you should be grateful for them. Your parents sneered at the idea of encouragement or unconditional love and pointed out your friends’ flaws, or insisted that those parenting methods wouldn’t work on you. If you come from an immigrant family, they might have insisted that toxic parenting was part of your culture, and that healthy parenting was an “American” thing. You might even have found yourself defending your parents when your friends expressed concern over the way they treat you. Toxic families are different, and even one or two of these traits is enough to have a profound emotional impact on you that carries long into adulthood. Your parents aren’t automatically “good” parents just because they fed you and refrained from beating you - if you grew up in a toxic household, you have the right to be upset about that, even if other children had it “worse”. Acknowledging that your upbringing was not healthy or normal is usually the first step in breaking away from a toxic family, and deciding to get help for any long-term effects you may be experiencing.
Late at night when I lay awake, unable to sleep, I take a moment to appreciate my life. Even when it's shit. At least it's my shit.
"When you're going through hell. Keep going!" -don't know who said that, but wise words indeed.
Love the Bowie! #bowie #ziggystardust
Word of the Day: verisimilitude- the quality of seeming real; truth
I believe when George said this, he was speaking for everyone who lives on Mother Earth. No matter what country you’re from.
Rest forever young, George Carlin.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
I love you Joss Whedon!!!
IQ comparisons site: http://www.iqcomparisonsite.com/IQBasics.aspx
My IQ
“http://www.free-iqtest.net/images/badges2/l133.gif”
HAHAHAHAHA! So accurate! <3
All about dogs
You Aren’t Boring I Just Suck At Conversations I’m Sorry: a novel by me
Nine Psychological Tasks for a Good Marriage
Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings.
Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner’s autonomy.
Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations.
For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of a baby’s entrance into the marriage. Learn to continue the work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple.
Confront and master the inevitable crises of life.
Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity. The marriage should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their differences, anger and conflict.
Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.
Nurture and comfort each other, satisfying each partner’s needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support.
Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.
Thanks to Judith S. Wallerstein, PhD, co-author of the book "The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts."
Source: http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/marriage.aspx
Strong Sarcasm | Bullies
Welcome to Strong Sarcasm, a blog segment written and realized through the masterful use of positivity. If you didn’t understand sarcasm before you came here. You likely will after, or at least I hope so.
Starting with Bullying.
Don’t you just love it when people don’t value themselves and decide to berate others to feel better about their lives and shortcomings? That is what makes young adult life so very easy. What would we do without those bullies that make us question our self-worth?
I remember going into school not interested in learning the material and actually getting a decent education, but waiting for the wonderful little quips some of my peers had prepared for me. I especially loved the ones targeted at identification. “You aren’t really black”. “Stop lying”. “But you look white”. “ You were adopted”. I would think. “These people must have been there when my Black mother gave birth to me, not me.”
They surely had every understanding of genetics and biology… What intelligent lifeforms… Yes indeed. I never thought that I wanted to punch the crap out of these kids. Or that part of their brain must’ve bypassed the development stage. Perhaps when they were disrupting class by dancing on the table, and the remaining amount that was functional just… slipped out.
Bullying as a child is one thing. As a child, you are young and developing, with strange hormones frantically barreling through your body. Sometimes you cannot differentiate between emotions and actions. So bullying is always better in adults. It’s a sure-fire way to discover maturity.
I will say, some kids go through really difficult events in their lives, bullies are often the result of social distress, or distress at home. That girl that you bullied or disrespected, you may not have known, but she was also struggling in her life. Her parents were going through a divorce, and she was at risk of being homeless. If you had asked, you would have known. Perhaps you could’ve made her life a little easier, too, because I guarantee she could have used a friend. And she didn’t abuse you just because she was struggling in her life.
So, to put a cheerful spin on this…
Don’t be a dick.
Writer & Editor
Vivian Alice