Hollywood Stars | Kellan Lutz

i have terrible luck with technology. and my modem crapped out on me tonight. so replies will have to wait another day. sigh. im sorry to everyone D: 

also i need to plot all the things with all the people. so hit me up xox

tatemcallisterr:

It was early, even for Tate. But after another night of restless sleep he thought maybe some food would take his mind off things and help him relax a little bit. So he sat at his favorite twenty-four hour diner, pushing the food around on his plate with his fork absentmindedly more than he was actually eating any of it. He had a million things on his mind since he had gotten back home three months ago. Losing his mother, his injury, the end of his career in the marines — it was all a lot for him to handle in a short amount of time. Rubbing his sleep filled eyes he could hear someone approach him, and just assumed it was his waitress checking in on him for the one hundredth time since he had sat down forty-five minutes ago. “Just another cup of coffee, please.” He muttered.

god, he was tired. after a long overnight shift, his whole body ached with weariness. it wasn’t anything like the long overnighters in the military. but it didn’t mean it was particularly fun or easy. especially tonight. with a rough domestic violence call, with kids involved. he was ready to go home. but he was starving. and eating at home meant cooking, and he definitely didn’t have the energy for that.  “ hey, daisy, ” jax smiled warmly at the waitress behind the counter he knew too well after so many early mornings. “ steak and eggs? with sweet potato fries. to-go, please. and a black tea. thanks, darlin’. ”  he was about to sit down, waste time on his phone, when he saw tate. looking just as exhausted as he felt.  “ i can grab you one if ya really want. but you look like you need a nap more than caffeine, ” he pointed out, gentle and understanding as he sat across from his old friend.  “ hey, man. rough night? ” 

rcbeccxs:

It was impossible for her face not to soften up at the words, the usual concerned look for her brother bear was now obvious in her face. “Gavin is good– yeah, he is fine,” she mumbled quickly about her other brother. She was rather more attentive and more concerned with the one who was in front of her. Rebecca was much smaller than him, but he knew she was all kinds of feisty, but she was also soft. Soft as silk and it was with the same softness that she let go of her mug of coffee and reached across the table for his hand. Much bigger than hers, without a doubt, but she held it. “What’s wrong Jax? What do you mean by crisis?”

“ told you he’d be okay. i’m glad t’ see you less freaked out. bet th’ little one is glad to have him back too, ” jaxon smiled, squeezing her hand gently where it wrapped around his own. he’d been worried too, of course. with the rank gavin with at, and the special missions he was on... there was more danger than most of the military. but he wouldn’t dare show his worry to becca. and now the point was moot. thankfully. though that didn’t seem to ease becca’s worry for him. he sighed softly, trying to wrap his head around everything enough to verbalize it. “ remember jonny? my best friend from high school. th’ one i had feelings for. well... he’s in vegas now. apparently. and he wants t’ reconnect. and... becca. i don’t know what t’ do. it’s too much. ”

✉ |:

To: Jonathan Daniel Winchesterc/o Charlotte Sawyer. 

[ separately enclosed ] : 

Auntie— If I don’t come home, can you make sure this letter gets to Jonny? I’m not sure where he lives now, but I’m sure you could find him on facebook or something. Thank you. I love you. 

Dear Jonny. 

I know this is too many years too late, and this definitely is the worst way to find out about… all of this. So I’m sorry for this, first of all. Anyways… 

If you’re reading this letter (fuck, how cliche) … I didn’t come home from my deployment. And not like, I ran away to France kind of didn’t come home. Like, never coming home. I don’t know if you even know I joined the Marines after I stopped fighting. But I did. Off to serve my country. So, if you’re reading this, I died for my country. 

And now, writing this, days before my first tour, I know that it’s a real possibility. So I’m putting certain things in place. My will, letters to the girls, and my mama, and auntie. Stuff like that. And a letter to you. Because I’ve been selfish and stupid enough with you in my life. I can’t be selfish and stupid in my death too. If I die before I ever get to see you again and tell you this shit in person, I want you to know some things. 

I’m sorry, Jay. I’m so fucking sorry. I was such a fucking asshole back then. I was possessive, and jealous, and over-protective. And I pushed you away. I made things miserable between us, because I couldn’t fucking handle my shit, and my feelings. It’s been two years, and I swear to god I think about you and us at least once a day. There’s always something that reminds me of you, or reminds me of how stupid I’ve been. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger, or more rational, or more patient, or more kind. I’m sorry I wasn’t better. I need you to know that what happened between us is the biggest regret of my life. Hurting you is the worst thing I’ve ever done. And at the point that you’re reading this, I’ve probably killed at least one person. I’d still regret hurting you and losing you more. 

The truth is that… I love you. Not just “I love you, man” kind of love. I’m in love with you. Yeah, present tense. I have been for so fucking long. I think I first realized how I felt about you…. 6 months after we met. I think even during that time I was in denial, because I didn’t know how to reconcile the fact that you were a guy. But it didn’t matter. I was confused, and I didn’t understand… But I understood that you smiling at me was the best thing I’ve ever fucking felt. And I understood that if I smiled, you’d smile back. You always joked that I only ever smiled with you… That’s why. I didn’t care about smiling at anyone else, because it didn’t feel like it did with you. God, how gay is that? haha. Guess I shouldn’t be confused about that anymore, huh? 

You were my best friend, Jonny. You were the only person I ever wanted to spend time with, and I only ever wanted you to spend time with me. You going away to college was so fucking hard, because I knew it meant that I’d missed my chance. Whatever slim chance I ever could have had. But you were going away, and you hadn’t even been there two weeks, and you were already telling me about this new guy you were dating. And fuck… Being jealous was bad enough, but then you were telling me that he was taking you to parties and introducing you to that… bullshit. And then i was angry, and protective, and scared for you. All of that, plus being so hopelessly fucking in love with you, and so god damn lonely… I didn’t know how to handle all those fucking feelings. So I was just a dick. I was mean to you because all my frustration just turned into aggression, i guess… Then you were upset and hurt, and you didn’t understand, and I just got more angry and frustrated at myself. I’m so fucking sorry I wasn’t better.

I remember that night. When we were so fucking crossfaded, and at that stupid party, and you kissed me. Oh my god. You laughed when you kissed me, and I’m pretty sure I almost passed out. You sitting on my lap was nothing new, but I can remember the way you felt that night so clearly. And the way my heart pounded so hard the whole time. And everything that happened after that… I remember. I should have said something, but… I just thought, you were drunk, and you wanted affection. And I was always there to give that to you. Why would this be any different? Plus, i was so drunk, and after kissing you, I couldn’t figure out how to ask you to stay. I thought you were gonna come back. I woke up in the middle of the night, after I passed out, and I was so heartbroken, because you weren’t there. You’d left. And I didn’t understand why. You never leave. I figured that meant you regretted what happened. And I was so scared to have that confirmed, so I never brought it up. And I figured if you wanted it to happen again, you would have said something. Because… you’re you. And you’re not afraid to ask for what you want. But you didn’t ask for me again, and that was my answer. Maybe I was wrong, and maybe that was my biggest mistake. But sometimes I still dream about the way your lips tasted that night. 

Anyways… this is sappy enough. And I realize that this might just make everything worse, especially now that I’m dead. So, I’m sorry. If this makes it worse. But I just couldn’t die without making sure you knew all this stuff. 

I love you, Jay. I’ve loved you, so much, for so long. Don’t let piece of shit guys fuck with you. You’re a god damn masterpiece, kid. And I know you’re gonna put so much beauty in this world. I’m sad I’ll never get to see it. Please, take care of yourself. And find happiness. You deserve it more than anyone I have ever met in this stupid life. 

Give ‘em hell, pretty boy. 

- Jaxon Benjamin Sawyer. (aka jaxy)

…and I am out with lanterns, looking for myself.

Emily Dickinson, The Letters of Emily Dickinson. (via foism)

jax ✉✉✉ jonny

jonny: no hahah. I don't really like the idea of getting struck by lightening.

jonny: believe it or not I do have some sense lol

jaxon: hey i dont know. you're pretty wild. thrill seeker haha.

jaxon: man, i haven't been this wet since the time we went swimming at the lake in the rain.

tylerbeyond:

“you are a buzzkill, but―” tyler threw his arms wide, “happy birthday! ya big jerk!” he gave jaxon a one armed hug. “whatever, i’m glad you’re still around. mostly for the cupcakes, though,” he teased, bumping jaxon’s shoulder with his own. “eh, my grandfather’s a bastard. hates my guts, thinks i’m a fuck up, whooped my ass way back when.” he licked off the last of the icing on one cupcake, then took a bite out of it. “dunno why mom keeps trying. i’ll be nice when he’s nice.” actually, since he lived on the other side of the country now, he mostly just ignored his grandfather. it seemed to suit everyone just fine, except, apparently, his mom. “got any plans?”

as grumpy as his birthday made him, there was only so much scowling he could hang onto when tyler was beaming at him like that and squeezing around his shoulders. tyler was good like that. and jax relinquished a small smile in exchange.  “ yeah, man. thanks, ” jaxon murmured in response, returning the half-hug. as tyler spoke and explained, jax played with a swipe of icing between his fingers. “ wait, thinks yer a fuck up? how? yer in a signed band. that doesn’t sound like a fuck up to me. i’m with you, man. fuck that guy. my father was shitty like that too. and hell no, ” jax shook his head, licking his fingers clean of icing.  “ not really. havin’ dinner with the family. maybe i’ll go out for a drink. but i’m workin’ in the morning. so i can’t get too crazy. what’re you doin’ tonight, rockstar? ”

Isabel Lucas and Kellan Lutz on the Gold Coast for the premiere of their new film The Osiris Child.