Executive Dysfunction Is Literally Like. Ive Had A Random Dollar On My Floor For Two Weeks And I Dont

i say "godspeed, soldier" way too much for someone who puts their faith in neither god nor the military

whenever they put Spock in all black it’s like. slut.

*booking an mri* what if I accidentally have a pacemaker. what if I got secret bone surgery and forgot about the pins

I wish I could be a girl, and that way you’d wish I could be your

DNI if you:

Got it from Agnes

Got it from Jim

Got it from Louise (we all agree)

Got it from Harry

Got it from Marie

Got it from me (everybody knows!)

Got it from Daphne

Got it from Joan (who picked it up in County Cork, a-kissing the Blarney Stone)

Gave it to Sheila

Got it from Francois and Jacques (a-ha! Lucky Pierre)

Got it from Edith (who gets it every spring)

Got it from your Daddy (who just gives you everything)

Gave it to Daniel (whose spaniel has it now)

Your dentist even got it (and we're still wondering how?)

Got it from Agnes

Or maybe it was sue?

Or Millie

Or Billie

Or Gillie

Or Willy (IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO!)

Got it at the club

Or at the pub

Or in the loo

And fair warning, before you follow, if you will be my friend, then I might (mind you, I said "might"!) give it to you!

they need to come up with more words like necrosis and miasma and mausoleum and cadaver and morose and decrepit and stuff like that just so metal bands can expand their vocabulary

companies really have got to be okay with stagnant profits. what is wrong with earning the same amount every year? why does it always have to be more? it's not sustainable. there are only so many people on the planet you can profit from 😭

My hobbies include reading, writing and doing neither of those things

reasons to kill caesar (in order of importance):

he slept with my mother

hes a dictator

Cassius doesn't like him.

My doctor says all the black mold in my body came from a single expired gram cracker which i just think is fascinating