Well Fucks? Get To It!

Wasn't tagged but- I love it!

I saw this post floating around thought it was neat!

POV: you're in a horror film

Create your own look here

Find out your role here

tagging @syoddeye @unidentified-cadaver @purplepaladinsworld only if you want to of course 💜

Also if you voted for Trump, unfollow me right now.

If you don’t believe I should have autonomy over my body, you don’t get to enjoy my body.

Imagine alpha!Hawk coming home only to find his mate omega!Moon comforting her friend omega!Reader. The omegas are on the couch with Reader's head on Moon's lap, crying softly. Hawk doesn't ask what's happened, worried that it will only upset Reader more. It doesn't come to light what happened until Reader cries herself to sleep and Moon slipped away to talk to her mate

Turns out Reader's alpha partner cheated and kicked her out. That would explain the luggage by the door. She came straight to Moon because she didn't know where else to go. And Moon being Moon of course took her in. And Hawk won't say no to her ever so when Moon asks if Reader can stay until she can get her own place, of course he says yes.

However, as the days pass, Moon realizes that Reader is struggling to sleep alone at night. She had gotten used to sleeping with her partner and sleeping alone for the omega is hard with the sudden loss. She tosses and turns all night long and she gets no good sleep, that is if she falls asleep to begin with. It becomes so bad that Reader loses her job next, which isn't helpful to her emotionally at all.

So Moon talks to Hawk and suggests letting Reader sleep with them in their bed until she feels better. She's such a caring omega and doesn't see a problem with this idea, and Hawk agrees to it because his omega is so optimistic about it. However, when Moon suggests the idea to Reader, she is resistant at first. "I don't want to get between you and your mate. It's bad enough that I'm even here and you two are worrying over me to begin with..."

"There is nothing bad about you being here, Reader," Moon assures her. She hugs her and tells her that they just want what's best for her. "Try it for one night. You're not gonna bother or get between us."

Except that is literally what ends up happening. The three of them can't get comfortable for the life of them until Reader is in between the couple. She tries to keep to herself, arms tucked in and trying to make herself as small as possible. However, she falls asleep a lot easier like Moon thought she would and by morning, she and Moon are cuddled up, arms wound around each other and legs entangled.

As the nights like these continue, Hawk is in on the cuddling in no time. Reader's back to his chest, both omegas in his arms. He keeps telling himself this is temporary, that Reader will go back to the guest room at some point - maybe not soon, but eventually - failing to realize that he and his mate are steadily falling for the abandoned omega...

This goes on for months without the couple realizing it or anything else for that matter. They don't see how long its been, how they take to caring for Reader like she's their partner. They don't make her look for a job, don't pressure her or even bring up the idea of her moving out. It's as if this was how things were supposed to be the whole time. Nothing is wrong, but they aren't talking about it either. The situation just is what it is.

Until one night Reader is squirming and whining. She wakes up in the middle of the night with burning pain in her abdomen. It hurts so bad, she can't stand it, but doesn't want to disturb Moon or Hawk. Unfortunately, she can't keep quiet. So despite her trying her damnedest to keep still, her unmuffled whines and chirps wake Moon, who tries to shush her, still half asleep. "It's okay, Reader... what's the matter?"

"It hurts..." Reader mumbles.

Moon is confused at first until she picks up on the scent of the omega's full-on heat. She opens her eyes and looks at her. "Oh my- Reader, you didn't present a pre heat..."

"I don't have them," Reader informs her between whines. "I-I never have. They just- just show up."

She's close to tears from the burning need. Moon wipes her tears away and comforts her, pulling her close. "It's gonna be okay. I've got you. You don't have to worry about anything."

And she means it as she pushes her hand into Reader's pajama shorts. She rubs her fingers over Reader wet panties, realizing she's coated in slick.

"Aww, baby, how long have you been laying here like this?"

"Too long..."

Moon pushes her panties aside and slips two fingers into Reader's cunt easily. She finger fucks her as Hawk manages to stay asleep after a long day of hard, tiring work. She pleasures Reader, finding her clit with her thumb and pressing it as she curled her fingers. Reader buries her face in Moon's neck, moaning and whining as it helps relieve the aches and pain. She whimpers as she quickly reaches her climax and comes all over Moon's hand. But the little fun Moon had playing with her slick soaked folds wasn't enough to keep her at bay for long.

Moon is soon shaking Hawk away. "Hawk... Hawk... Eli!"

His eyes snap open and he's overwhelmed with the smell of heat and slick. "Holy shit, are you in heat?"

She shakes her head and looks down at Reader between them. "No but Reader is. And she needs an alpha..."

He blinks as he realizes what she's saying. Suddenly, he's wishing they had that conversation way before now. "Are you sure?"

Reader looks up at him, twisted up in her sweat soaked pajamas with a needy look in her eyes. "Alpha?"

He pets her hair and shushes her gently, his instincts taking over. "It's okay, omega."

"Yes, Hawk, I'm sure," Moon tells him, sitting up more. She starts undressing Reader, who whines the whole time. She peppers kisses all over her omega "friend" and whispers assurances that it's going to be okay.

At the same time, Hawk it pushing his sweats off with his boxers. Soon, the two are mostly nude and Reader is begging for the pain to go away.

Moon lays down again and pulls Reader's leg over her hip, shushing her. Hawk turns onto his side, his cock hard from the smell of heat and the whines of a needy omega. He slots his cock against her folds, slick immediately wetting his cock. He hardly needs to do anything to prep before Moon is guiding his tip to Reader's cunt and he's pushing into her.

Reader throws her head back against his chest, letting out a drawn out moan. Her eyes flutter closed as he pushes his length into her with ease, bottoming out sooner than he expected, his knot pressed against her stretched out pussy lips. He doesn't sit there for long, knowing that her heat won't be satiated like that. He set a steady, easy pace that she whined and whimpered for him to quicken. He was in no state to deny her what she needed, the pace quickly becoming fast and rough.

As he pounded her cunt, Reader almost didn't realize Moon was playing with her tits. As they bounced she grabbed hold of them and brought one of her pert nipples into her mouth, sucking on it hard. It made Reader moan loudly, embraced in pleasure all over. Hawk squeezed her pudgy belly, holding her in place as he pummeled her gushing cunt.

It wasn't long before she was babbling about how she was going to come, to which Moon responded aptly. She snaked her hand down to Reader's clit while she kept sucking on her tits. Her fingers met her clit again and drew quick circles against it, making Reader squirt hard. Slick and hot fluid gushed from her cunt as Hawk groaned, feeling her velvet walls constrict around his heavy cock. He kept pounding her, hips meeting her fat ass. Her squirting made it easy for his pulsing knot to pop into her and she came again once that happened, her whole body shaking.

His knot swelled and trapped him inside her before he started to come, filling her with heavy ropes of cum. She moaned as she already felt full just from his cock and know. His cock seemed to go off like a firehose, filling her with so much cum that she thought she was going to pop. However, it wasn't really a concern for her heat riddled mind. If anything, the thought made it all the better.

"So much..." she moaned, looking over her shoulder at Hawk as he humped her ass.

He growled as he looked down at her. He licked his lips, too high headed to say anything to her. He only buried his face in her neck and breathed in her scent, teeth grazing her bond spot. Moon watched him, then giggled and pushed his head away.

"Now is so not the time for that," she reminded him. They did not need to bond with their omega "friend" while she was in the throws of heat. It could end badly for all of them, not that the idea of her joining their relationship upset Moon. As she lay with them, she realized it was all she wanted.

Satiated or not, Reader ground her ass back against Hawk's ceaseless hips. She moaned, begging for more. "Alpha... need you."

"I just fucked you," he laughed.

"Need you to fuck me again, hard," she told him.

Moon smirked. "You heard her. Fuck her hard, alpha."

So despite his knot still swollen in her tight cunt, Hawk fucked her. He rut into Reader hard and fast, making her cream all over his cock and knot. The cum leaked out from around the tight seal they created and he knew he was going to have to fill her again and again and again, for as long as her heat lasted.

The sun was rising when they finished round two and Reader fell asleep. Hawk wrapped his arms around the omega and scented her so she'd feel comforted by his musky, protective scent when she woke up in another needy state. Moon slipped out of bed to call their workplaces and inform them that they wouldn't be in due to an unexpected heat. She didn't tell them it wasn't her heat because it was none of their business. Then she got to work making breakfast, knowing her mate and their hopefully soon-to-be mate would need their energy for all the fucking they were about to embark on.

When all your thoughts are running through your mind and all you want is the comfort of your dog- only to remember that he isn’t here anymore. I’m so mentally drained, exhausted and feeling like I can’t handle it anymore.

I’m having some of the most vivid memories of my traumas and I can’t stop crying about it. I feel so lost, I thought that I’d be able to handle my thoughts. I miss the old me before everything. My mind is just too much sometimes.

────141 headcanons: touching the belly────

a/n: y'all know i'm a sucker for the the pregs trope so i had to do this request. and i only did the four dinguses for this one, sorry anon ☺️

warning(s): pregnancy, fluff+angst, invasion of reader's personal space/privacy, protectiveness, hurt/comfort?, afab!reader

‧˚₊ MAIN MASTERLIST ⟢ 141 MASTERLIST ‧₊˚⊹

๋࣭ ⭑ PRICE

⌞one of the perks of being married to john is being supported. quite literally the definition of it, in every form. that goes for your baby too, no questions asked. he's more akin to simon in being traditional while you're expecting. wants you home, resting and not lifting a finger.

he's very particular about who he lets close to you, more than ever now. it makes sense considering his work and the general fragility of a new family. in the same way as kyle, he's constantly stressed. wants everything to be perfect for you and soon to be little one.

always has his eye on you, just like he does all his men. there's nothing he doesn't see or already knows about. honestly, may even spot a bad apple before you do. won't even bother with politeness and will shoo them away before their hand(s) even make contact with your tummy.⌝

๋࣭ ⭑ SIMON

⌞ he was already protective enough before you got pregnant, but he's at a whole new level now. practically a full-time security guard by the time you reach your third trimester. ESPECIALLY when you two find yourselves out and about — which isn't often.

on the off chance that you're at some sort of gathering with simon, he's at your side no matter what. eyeing every person who approaches you, only chiming in when spoken to, out of mere courtesy. as soon as you give him any inkling of discomfort, he's asking you if he should go start the car.

one thing he hasn't gotten used to yet is the touching. how people often belaud pregnant women. cross boundaries constantly to get a feel of them and their bellies. it's already hard enough getting the man to relax, but it's hopeless now with all the new people he "needs" to keep an eye on. it's not a matter of him catching someone touching your belly; he'll already be standing there most likely. glares, huffs, will certainly go as far as removing their hand if it lingers long enough.⌝

๋࣭ ⭑ SOAP

⌞doesn't see any point in excluding you from functions if you think you can handle them. loves having you on his lap or right beside him when he's out, even in pregnancy. as long as you're comfortable and able to signal to him when you're too tired or need something — he's just happy you're there.

most of all, johnny is fiercely protective of the bump. more than he is of you (which is nearly unfathomable, i know). and if there's one thing he loves more than you — it's gushing about you to anyone who'll listen. so, initially, he might not notice someone making you tense while amid his blabbing.

but after so long with him, you've learned to accept the flattery for what it is and remember how easy it is for him to get distracted. a firm squeeze to his hand or a tug to his jacket will do the trick. but once realizes what's happening, he's on it (with his new Dad Speed). finds a way to distract the person and slip you the car keys. promises he'll be out in two minutes to drive you home — and he always is.⌝

๋࣭ ⭑ GAZ

⌞ even though he'd prefer you bundled up in bed and waiting for him, kyle still enjoys doing things with you. he definitely gives a wider berth than the other guys, but he's just as vigilant (if not more). he's more subtle about it, if anything.

it isn't just you to protect anymore, it's you and his baby. so, forgive the man for his pinched brows and clenched fists, he's reverted into nothing but a ball of anxiety the further the months progress.

doesn't mind people having a feel of you, usually, when they only mean well (it's typically older ladies anyhow). but sometimes it's a more unsavory interaction; someone who isn't taking any hints, who can't bear to leave the two of you alone. on one hand, gaz understands — an expectant, attractive couple out on a wholesome shopping trip is bound to lure attention. he takes a slower approach, less hostile to avoid upsetting you anyone. brushes it off with an excuse; "oh, love, you got that appointment today, right? don't wanna be late." and then makes his exit, a guiding hand around your waist.⌝

✦MORE INCORRECT C.o.D QUOTES✦

König: Hell, you could pour soup into my lap and I’ll probably apologize to you- --

Soap: What’s your life motto? Y/N: Hmmm, less a motto, more a general idea. But I run through life with four things in mind. Y/N: Fuck shit up, get shit done, get some glory, and hope for good dick in between. Gaz: *spit take* Soap: *WHEEZE* Ghost: …pretty good motto. Y/N: Thank you!

--

Graves: What are you doing? Y/N, losing their shit: *looking at the sky* Maybe, if I stand here long enough, a FUCK will fall from the SKY and then, I can give it to you. But oh, hey, look, THE SKY AIN’T GIVIN’ NOTHIN! Graves: I- Y/N: NO FUCKS, ANYWHERE, TO GIVE

-- Soap after being insulted by Ghost: ‘do sorta like it when he’s rude to me…hopefully that’s more a psychological defect than a weird sexual thing.

-- Some dickhead: And what's your job? 141 Whore? Y/N: Oh I fuckin' wish. Do you know how much easier of a job that'd be? No field drills, no paperwork, just be a dick receptacle. A fuckin' dream, that'd be. Price: *dissapointed sigh* Soap & Gaz: *WHEEZE* Ghost: *he's not laughing but he kinda wants to*

-- Ghost: Pretty cool, huh, Johnny? *looks and sees Graves beside him* Oh- Graves: Uh, I thought it was pretty cool. Ghost: I don't give a fuck 'bout what you think, Philip.(derogatory)

--

(TW; Unalive mention; but it's in a Gen Z joke way) Someone: Okay uh, what if 141 just...disappeared. Like your team just vanished. What would you do? Y/N, instantly: Oh I'd just *gun to temple hand signal* Easy. Quick decision. Price: Soldier, no- Y/N: Don't die and we won't have a problem. Think of it as more reason to stay alive. All of you. *Points at Ghost* You, specifically, sir. 'm watchin' you. Ghost: ...noted.

--

Ghost, suffering from blood loss: Johnny...you have beautiful eyes Soap: Damnit where's that evAC HE'S LOST HIS MIND

--

Soap: How d'ya feel 'bout gay people? Male!Y/N: ...I am gay- Gaz: He's dodging the question. Soap: HOMOPHOBIC! Male!Y/N: DON'T SHOUT THAT WHAT THE FU-

--

(I saw DILF!Reader headcanons and made an OC from it, I really like DILF/MILF Readers, we need more of them) Ghost: Daddy issues? Psh, I don't have those. Dilf!Y/N: *pats him on the back while passing by* Good job out there, Simon. Ghost, ready to cry whilst also having a boner: God damnit-

--

(In the idea of Y/N being a complete badass on field, maybe even a lil sadistic) Gaz: Hey, before getting into the military, what did you wanna do with your life? Y/N, cleaning dishes: Oh, I wanted to be a homemaker! Soap: ...huh? Y/N: Yeah! Little house, keepin' it clean, cookin' all day. An apron. The whole thing. Alas, God doesn't hand out opportunities for dreams, I was dealt a different hand in life's game of poker, and I had to make it work. So! Here I am. Gaz, remembering the time he watched them decapitate a man: ...a homemaker...right.

--

Y/N: I'm just sayin', one hug from Captain would probably be the equivalent of six years in therapy. Gaz: So...ask for a hug then? Y/N: AHA! No, no I won't do that. That's asking for problems. (Insert situation where Y/N gets said hug) Price: ...are you crying? Y/N: This! This is the problems I mentioned! Gaz: No, no I think this is proof you shoulda asked sooner.

--

Ghost: I don't have favorites. Gaz: You made Soap a lunch. Ghost: And? Y/N: You cut the sandwich in the shape of a cat...and the fruit is cut into stars & hearts. Ghost: Soldiers need balanced meals.

--

Y/N: Yeesh...Why did god have to give Cap such a tiny grabbable waist...seems unfair. Gaz: *chokes on water* Soap: *wheeze cackle* Price: ...pardon? Y/N: Oh shit, did I say that out loud? My bad, G.

--

Graves: Are you supposed to be eye fucking your captain all the time? Y/N: Hey! I don't eye fuck my captain all the time. Graves: You- Y/N: I eye fuck all my teammates, equal opportunity eye fucking, I don't have favorites on my team. Soap & Gaz: *stifling laughter* Price: Can- *sigh* Can we please focus on the mission now?

--

Graves: Were you dropped as a child? Y/N: Bold of you to assume I was held. Price: Soldier- Soap: Oh, no that's- Gaz: *wince* Ghost: ...heh. Y/N: *points* Ahaaaa, he gets it!

petition for tumblr to make the boop feature permanent. reasons:-

so i can shower my affection on mooties and followers without any limits

validates my sense of appreciation and does not make me feel unwanted

every introverts' dream who loves a blog but is scared to talk with them

feels like an actual physical boop

online love language

PLEASE I WOULD DIE FOR A SLIGHTLY SOUTHERN ACCENT READER BC THATS ME TOO 😭

Omg yes now I have to write this. I’ll just do like a bullet list bc it’ll be easier to read but I’m so glad there’s someone else like me anyway:

141 with a reader who has a slight country accent

Even if it’s slight, the boys can tell that you have a country accent

Sometimes you just say certain words that have a certain drawl or you pronounce them with the accent

All of them have different accents from each other even if they’re from around the same place but sometimes they’re not used to the way you say some things

“What?” Ghost would narrow his eyes and loom over you in frustrated confusion. “What the hell did you just say?”

You’d just roll your eyes and repeat it. If there was still further confusion you would explain what you were talking about and would most likely start some sort of argument about how’s it’s actually pronounced

You actually get into a lot of spats about stuff like that

They probably make fun of the way you speak sometimes. Not out of malice but just to joke around because you’re American and they’re not.

Price would jokingly say southern sayings in a really bad imitation of your accent when he’s teasing you

Don’t even ask Soap to try to do your accent it won’t end well

But they’re not the only ones who get to poke fun. You make it your duty to make fun of them and imitate their accents more than they do for you

It annoys the hell out of them sometimes but they just retaliate by making fun of yours. It’s a vicious cycle

Depending on your temperament, they’ve heard your accent get thicker when you’re angry.

The more angry you get, the thicker it is and while they might think it’s funny they know better than to laugh. They don’t want to be on the receiving end of southern rage

First time it happened though they were surprised and scared

“Steaming Jesus.” Soap muttered as he listened to you yell quick insults in a thick accent as you let out your anger. “And I thought I was the only one who could talk quick.”

Southern phrases (if you use them ironically or not) make them chuckle or confuse them

You’ll probably have to explain a lot of them

Don’t even get me started on the culture from where you’re from. Explaining to them what certain things are is difficult.

“What’s a Pawpaw?” Gaz asked one day which nearly made you joke on your drink.

They’d all be willing to listen if you told them but be prepared for a lot of questions.

Truthfully, they like your accent. It’s nice to listen to especially when you’re telling stories or just talking to them. You’re their southern operative and even if you’re not from over the pond you’re their teammate, their family.

They love you

Love for the southern readers! There probably a lot more about it I could talk about but I can’t think of any right now. I’ve heard from friends over seas that they like country accents so I incorporated that just because. Anyway hope you liked!

✦Incorrect C.o.D Quotes, AGAIN AGAIN✦

Ghost: Release me, woman. Fem!Y/N: …. *hugs him tighter* :3 Ghost, scared of intimacy: UNHAND ME!- -- (Comedic Death Mention) Someone: I shot you six times hOW ARE YOU ALIVE?! Y/N: Fool! The only one that’s gonna knock me off is ME! Price: *PANICKING*

-- Gaz: What did you do? Soap: ….suckdickonaccident Gaz: What? Soap: Sucked dick on accident! Gaz: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SU-

-- Gaz: Here. We’ll put your phone on the aux- Y/N: NO DON’T- Speakers on full volume: FUCKFUCKFUCKMEUPANDCUTCUTCU- Price: JESUS BLOODY CHRIST *shuts off radio* Soap: *scratching the inside of his ear* Steamin’ Jesus- Y/N: I tried to warn you! Gaz: Who listens to Slipknot at 0900?! Ghost: *raises hand* Gaz: That’s- okay that’s fair. Soap: I’ve gone deaf. Y/N: You’re a bomb tech, it was gonna happen eventually. Soap: *middle finger* Price: *disappointed sigh* It’s too early for this-

-- (This one’s kinda sad but I couldn't stop thinkin' bout it-) Alejandro: You used to be nice…or did you never used to be? Valeria: … Alejandro: Oh god…maybe you never used to be…

-- Not a quote but if any of you have heard that audio that’s the names of the Princes of Hell overlayed on Funky Town, please imagine Soap & Y/N dancing to the Funky Town portion while Ghost sits there menacingly. Thank you.

-- (Depression joke) Y/N: Ahaaaa I’m soooo unwell. Price: Go to the psyche- Y/N: Ya know what it never was? That serious. It was never that serious- Price: Get your ass back here- Y/N: NEVER!-

-- König: I’ll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, I’ll die. Horangi: No-

-- (Valeria has no color here, I ran out) Valeria: *eye roll* I am not trying to seduce you. Y/N, bi panicking: …. Valeria, but now smug: Would you like me to seduce you? Y/N: *strained wheeze & squeaky* Already achieved ma’am- Gaz: *listening to a mic implanted on Y/N* God damnit dON’T LET YOUR MOMMY ISSUES RUIN THIS MISSION!

-- (These next two have mental health jokes in’em) Y/N, hyper cleaning the base: AHAHA, yes! I’m finally feeling bett- ah, wait. I’m manic, and I’m hyper cleaning everything, ✨as a diversion✨. Price: P s y c h e . Y/N: Jokes on you, old man. I already have meds for this! …might need to up them though they feel like they’ve stopped working. Price: When did you start to feel they weren’t working? Y/N: Like three months ago. Price: PSYCHE Y/N: ASKING THEM QUESTIONS ABOUT MEDS ARE SCAAAARRYYY Price: YOU KILL MEN ALMOST EVERYDAY Y/N: Fair point. (Take ya meds)

-- Price: I don’t understand you- Y/N: Good! Means you’re probably mentally well. Price: I- Gaz: We really need to like- specify when you’re joking and when you’re serious, you’re gonna give him a heart attack.

-- Gaz: …Hm. Price: You’ve been staring at me for the past six minutes, what is it?Gaz: I think you have a grey hair. Price: Y/N, speeding in: WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE, IT’S BARELY EVEN THERE AND EVEN IF YOU WERE GOING GREY IT’D LOOK FANTASTIC ON YOU. Price: …would it? Y/N: Absolutely! …*thumps Gaz in the back of the head* Gaz: Ow-Uh yeah! Yeah! Actually I don’t even think it’s there, just the lighting. Price: Hm…alright. Y/N: Mhm! *death glare* Gaz: *mouthing* I’msosorry-

-- (Will someone please notice that I write Ghost as "Simon" when he's with Soap and they're being soft? It's intentional-) Soap: I’m not really sure what I’d do if I lost you… Simon: I know what I’d do. Soap: What? Simon: I’d find you.

-- Soap: I got my ankles microwaved. Ghost: X-rayed. Soap: They took my blood away for science! Ghost: Cholesterol tests. Soap: Si had his sinuses…removed? Ghost: Looked at. Soap: Some guy looked at my penis, touched it. That was weird. Ghost, cleaning blood off a knife: That guy wasn’t even a doctor.

-- Medic!Y/N: You think killing is hard? Try healing something. That is hard, that requires patience. Alejandro, watching them bandage his hand: Hm… Medic!Y/N: You can break something in two seconds. *vaguely motions to Ghost, then Price, then at a necklace Alejandro wears that came from Valeria* But it can take forever to fix it. Alejandro: …aye…well said.

-- Gaz: *being annoying and singing a song for the 10,000th time* Price: KYLE! Gaz: I’m watchin’ my tone, dunana. I ain’t talkin’ back, no, why? Cause I’ma get thrown, dunana-

-- Graves: You know, Ghost, real talk bro, you never say nothin’ when you’re around us. Why is that? Ghost: Cause I don’t fucking like you guys.

-- Enemy: I’m gonna send you to God. Y/N: God? I’m insulted you think I’d end up in Heaven. I work hard for my sins, thank you very much. Ghost: We are hostages right now, can you please not-

-- Valeria: And guess who gets to be my little helper.~ Y/N: It’s me, I’m the helper… Valeria: That’s right, you sure are.~ Alejandro: Alright that’s enough! Valeria: What? You don’t believe in positive affirmation?

-- Rudy: Me gustan los perros. Alejandro: Me gustas… Rudy: ….hm. Me gusta un hombre en el ejército. Alejandro: Aye? Rudy: Mhm. Alejandro: *chuckles* Me gusta mi mejor amigo. Rudy: Me gustas.

(This was poorly translated but listen, I tried for the gays)

-- Price: You actually were telling the truth. Valeria: I do that quite a lot, you people are always surprised.

-- Laswell: Don’t pull any of those stunts like you did last time. Fem!Y/N: I made an offering. Laswell: You dropped a dead mouse into that poor man’s lap. Fem!Y/N: Yes! Like a cat. Laswell: You are not a cat! Fem:Y/N: No…tragically, I am a woman.

-- Ghost: Some people are simply…better than others. Graves: You really think you’re that much better than me? Ghost: Oh I think we both know the answer to that.

--

(Needing to fake a date for a mission) Y/N, on the phone: Laswell, I don’t need help with dating. I’ve been on loads of dates! Y/N: *turns and whispers to Gaz* I’ve literally been on one.

-- Enemy: Think you can answer questions without the usual level of sarcasm? Y/N: If you can ask them without the usual level of stupid. Enemy: Where’s your captain and why hasn’t anyone been able to contact him? Y/N: I dunno, I’ve been here, haven’t seen him in days. Enemy: Is he drinking again? Y/N: What do you mean again? He never had to stop. Enemy: But he did have to slow down, is he drinking like he used to? Y/N: Alright, how bout this? Next time I see him, I’ll give’im the field sobriety test, okay? We’ll do the alphabet, start with F & end with U.

-- Graves: And that’s why I personally, don’t agree with your opinion. Soap: Okay, counter point- Graves: Valid argument? Soap: No. Pipebomb!

-- Gaz: Y/N: Gaz: Y/N: Y/N: I’ma instigate. Gaz, lightly pulling them back: nnnnoooooooooo-

-- Y/N: Eeraaawr >:3 Gaz: What sound is that? Y/N: A dyianosaur Gaz: A what? Y/N: Dianoswaur. Gaz: Make the sound again. Y/N: Uurraawer Gaz: Oh you talkin’ bout them things from ✨Jerressi PerAHck✨ Y/N: AHAH! Ghost: I’m gonna lose it. Soap: Hush yer mouth, it’s cute. Lighten up ya big log.

-- Ghost: I think I’ve finally had enough. Y/N, getting his antidepressants: I think you’re full of shit.

-- Medic!Y/N: C’mon, stick with me, Ghost. Ghost: Might be time to follow my call si-OH FUCKING HELL WHY Medic!Y/N: You listen here you Fuckin’ bastard, I’m gonna love the absolute shit out of you until you never make a joke like that again. And then, if you still do it, I’ll have the team smother, smother, you in affection. And if you STILL don’t get it, THEN I’m gonna whoop your ass. Shut your perfect fucking mouth, you got that, soldier?! Ghost: ….since when did you get scary? Medic!Y/N: Adrenalin keeps people alive and sometimes we run out of epipens, had to substitute somehow.

-- Price: Now, sergent, what would you rather be? A lion or a panda? Soap: Captain, I’m me. Why would I want to be anything else? Price: I’m not sure you realize how psychologically healthy that is.

-- Ghost, pissed off: Sometimes I can’t stand you. Y/N, while walking away: Then kneel! And while you’re down there, occupy your mouth, you’d do better down there, QUIET, anyway!! Ghost: I-…… Soap: Oooooo…. Gaz: I- I-…they have no fear. None. Absolutely no survival instinct, no self preservation. None!

-- (Younger Y/N as in like…mid-late twenties. Also, this one is long. I might honestly make a lil oneshot with this one and I welcome anyone else to do the same) Y/N: John… Price: I know, I know. You love me. You’ve said it a thousand times and it should just stick, I just…can’t help but think about how you’re so… Y/N: *snort* Out of your league? Price: To put it bluntly. Y/N: Well, regardless of where I rank? I still love you. I’m going to love you for a long time, you’re stuck with me, ya sweethearted bastard. Price, fondly: Ah Dear, whatever will I do. Y/N: Yeaaaah. Besides! Even if I wasn’t completely and utterly, disgustingly, in love with you? …you are way too good of a sugar daddy to ditch. Price: Hah! Oh really? Why’s that? Y/N: Are you kidding?! Paid off house, paid off car, successful military captain, great manners, great dick, extremely attractive, good with kids, good cook, sexy voice. I could go on for awhile. Price: Oh now you’re just feedin’ my ego. Y/N: Yes, yes I am. Price: I’ll get cocky. Y/N: You’re sexy when you’re arrogant too, that doesn’t deter me. Price: *sigh* Far out of my league. Y/N: You’re a rank climber, I think you’ll keep up.

-- (NSFW but it's in a ha-ha funny way, based on a conversation I've had. Kink mentions) Soap: Look, I just...I need advice on how to spice it up in the bedroom. Y/N: Do you know how little that narrows it down? Gaz: I feel there are few options. Y/N: No there are a lot of options, it depends on your level of spice. I dunno your boundaries wit'cha man! Soap: I just need something! Y/N: THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS! Get some handcuffs, grab a vibrator, TRY ANAL, I don't fucking know! Gaz: *chokes on drink* Soap: Okay, listen- Y/N: No, you listen. Rule of thumb with kinks? It's a mountain and there are three kinds of people on it. People who don't wanna climb, people who want to climb but choose not to, and people who stay climbing. You reach a level of kinkiness and you stay there. You can't go back down the mountain. Me, personally? I have chosen to stop climbing because I know I'll get worse. I'm choosing to stay on my part of the mountain. Where you wanna climb is up to you. Soap: Where do I climb then? Y/N: The beginner's trail is fuzzy handcuffs, orgasm control, and mirror sex. Soap: This is the weirdest advice I've ever gotten. Y/N: It's my specialty.

-- (Follow it up with an asexual joke) Graves: Are you fighting the urge to make out with me right now? Y/N: Not really, I'm really into this pizza though. Soap, in the back: Aw they burnt my fuckin' cookies! Assholes. Y/N: Karma. Soap: It is not my fault I ate the last slice of cake, I didn't know it was yours- Y/N: IT WAS LABELED! Soap: I DIDN'T SEE IT!! Graves: *slowly backs away*

-- Y/N, holding up a coffee pot: Anyone want more coffee? Price: No, we've all had ours. Y/N: *takes off the lid* Cool. Gaz: What are y-NO! Y/N: *chugging from the pot* Ghost: ...This is the peak of mental illness. Price: PUT THE DAMN POT DOWN! Soap: This is the scariest thing I've ever seen them do- Y/N: *fighting to finish the coffee as Price tries to get it away from them*