BEST SHIT IVE EVER READ

BEST SHIT IVE EVER READ

A Silly, Sweet Weapon

Sato starts experimenting with making dessert weapons that will handicap his opponents. His first attempt is successful and very, very silly.

Lers! Shoji, Tokoyami, Kaminari, Izuku

Lees! Bakugou, Sato, Sero, Ojiro

Length: 🍨 Ice Cream

A/N: Quick note: Keep an eye out for a very special announcement coming after Identity Theft gets posted! ^.^ Enjoy! _____________________________________________________________

Sato sat at the counter in the kitchen, propping his head upon his fist and frowning at his notebook. Groaning in frustration, he scribbled out the entire page.

“UGH!”

“You okay?” Toshinori asked as he walked into the kitchen.

Sato sighed. “Not really…”

“What’s up?”

“I’m trying to come up with a new special attack to use, but I’m stuck. I can’t think of anything. I mean sure, I’ve been able to extend my super strength time, but I want something else. I’m going to need something else.”

Toshinori frowned. “Hmmm. You’re right. But since you’ll be exhausted from using your quirk, that’s gonna be difficult,” he said.

“Yeah. I felt so helpless in training today. I couldn’t go on; all I could do was hide while the others kept fighting.”

“Well, they have their limits too.”

“Yeah, but I reach mine faster than they do.”

Yamada spun into the kitchen, dancing to a song he was playing on his phone. He stopped when he saw the pair watching him. “Oh, hey guys! Whatcha up to?” he asked. He leaned over the counter and frowned when he saw Sato’s scribbled out paper. “Homework gone wrong?” he asked.

“He’s trying to figure out a new special attack,” Toshinori explained.

Sato ripped out the scribbled page, crumpled it, and tossed it into the trashcan.

Yamada frowned and rubbed his chin in thought for a moment, then brightened. “Oh, I know! Use a weapon!”

“A weapon?” Sato asked. “Like Aizawa-Sensei?”

“Yeah! Lots of heroes have weapons they use to enhance their quirks, or just use them as extra defense!”

Toshinori smiled a little. “That’s a good idea in theory, but what kind of weapon would he use that is compatible with his quirk? And not noticeable to villains?”

Yamada grabbed the notebook and pencil and started sketching. “Alright Sato, so you know how you have that belt for your sugar packets?”

“Uh-huh.”

“All you have to do is add a few more capsules on the belt, and put desserts in there!”

“Desserts?” Toshinori asked.

Sato’s face lit up. “Oh! You mean like a cupcake that has a knockout chemical in it or something?”

“Exactly! That way you can handicap the villains enough to easily capture them without killing them!”

“You’re a genius, Yamada-Sensei!”

“Excuse you. Out of the three of us, I’m the genius,” Aizawa said, walking in with a cup of coffee.

“Aizawa-Sensei! Look! Look! I can have a new special attack now!”

The man looked over the rough sketch and offered a small, approving smile. “I think it’s worth a shot, kid. You’re welcome to use the kitchen here as long it doesn’t interfere with mealtimes, and as long as you’re not using any explosive chemicals.”

“Awesome! I’m gonna get started right now!”

The conversation had happened late that morning, and after whipping up a quick lunch for everyone, Sato had the kitchen to himself for the entire afternoon.

‘Hmmm…what kind of dessert should I make? It has to be something that’s eaten quickly. If it’s thick like a brownie or a cake, they’ll be able to spit it out. Marshmallows? Nah…too sticky. What’s something that melts in your mouth, and won’t stick to the ground if it’s dropped? Ah! That’s it! Meringue cookies!’ he thought.

Meringue cookies were simply small, piped meringues that you baked in the oven. Usually just called meringues, they were crunchy and soft at the same time. They’d melt in your mouth and were a very popular snack-like dessert.

Sato had everything ready to make the meringues and was flipping through a book he’d borrowed from Iida, trying to figure out what chemical he should use. Toshinori-Sensei had kindly escorted him back to the school and into the science lab to help him get approval to get some chemicals for his project. They were relatively safe and non-lethal of course, so getting them wasn’t a problem. He looked through the book to verify the effects of said chemicals and to try and figure out how much he’d have to put into his desserts.

‘Hmmm…I don’t want to use the knock-out chemical yet. I think I’d have to come up with a different dessert for that one. If I’m going to make meringues, I should use a chemical that has a light effect and isn’t super concentrated. So, what do I have that can do that? Oh, I know!’

Sato got to work, and a couple of hours later, he had two dozen meringues of varying colors. The green and blue ones had a larger amount of the chemical than the pink and white ones. He’d also set aside some regular white ones for everyone to enjoy later. He had just finished cleaning up and was about to pack up the special meringues when he heard what sounded like a stampede.

“Whoa! Where are you guys going?” Sato asked.

The group consisted of Shoji, Tokoyami, Kaminari, Izuku, Bakugou, Sero, and Ojiro.

“Ojiro’s going to teach us some martial arts!” Izuku said excitedly.

“Ooh, dude, what are these?” Sero asked, snatching one off the tray and popping it into his mouth. “Here guys, try one!” he said.

Sato’s eyes went wide. He almost said something but decided not to, so he could see the effect. It was harmless, so he didn’t feel bad about them not knowing. Shoji, Tokoyami, Kaminari and Izuku ate the blue and green ones, while Bakugou, Sero and Ojiro ate the pink and white ones. Sato leaned back against the counter and watched, eager to see how it would affect them.

Sero was the first to react. He giggled. “I don’t know about you guys, but I feel a little funny,” he said, a faint blush dusting his cheeks. He suddenly felt shy, and playful. He wrapped his arms around himself, unsure of how to deal with the sudden desire to be affectionate and give the person closest to him a bear hug. That happened to be Bakugou, so he resisted.

Bakugou fought a smile, also slightly blushing. “The h-hell did y-you put in these?” he asked, wondering why he was suddenly feeling on edge. He watched the others intently, examining their every move, waiting, and hoping that they’d do something so he could run. He bounced up and down slightly, his entire body screaming at him to run, move, do something.

Ojiro was grinning like an idiot and hiding behind Bakugou, watching the other boys with nervous excitement.

Shoji, Tokoyami, Kaminari, and Izuku all got a glazed look in their eyes and mischievous smirks on their faces.

Kaminari found himself feeling playful, like how he felt when he was racing around the track with one of his classmates. The shy smiles and faint blushes on his friends’ faces made his heart swell with affection, and he couldn’t help but want to make them smile a little bigger. And for some reason, his hands itched to move.

“You know, martial arts did sound fun,” Izuku said. “But before we do that, there’s something else I want to do.”

“W-what is it?” Ojiro asked, giggling nervously.

“It would seem that you already know,” Tokoyami said. “I’d recommend you start running.”

Sero and Ojiro took off, grinning widely as Kaminari, Tokoyami, and Izuku chased after them. Shoji raised an eyebrow at Bakugou.

“Y-you’re an idiot if you think that’s gonna scare m-me,” he said, trying to fight the nervous giggles that were bubbling up in his throat.

Shoji shrugged, raised his six hands, and wiggled his fingers at him.

Bakugou gasped and took a step back as Shoji slowly advanced towards him, Bakugou ran off, but he was quickly caught. Just as the taller boy was looming over him, Bakugou finally let out a childlike giggle and then dashed away before the other knew what had happened.

Sato stared at them in disbelief, highly amused. ‘Did I turn them into playful children or something?’ he wondered. ‘It makes sense, considering I used that new chemical they’re putting in laughing gas, but, wow,’ he thought. He followed them into the common room, and his jaw dropped at what he saw.

Shoji was straddling Bakugou and had pinned his arms above his lead, using his four available hands to tickle the spot between his upper ribs and armpits.

“GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DAHAHAHAHAHAHAMN IT!”

Shoji chuckled. “You really shouldn’t swear you know,” he said. “At least, not while I have you like this.”

Bakugou kicked his legs futilely as he cackled. “I CAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAN’T! EHEHEHEHEHE!”

Shoji let up on the tickles for a moment. “What do you mean?”

Bakugou panted, a goofy smile on his face. “I cahahan’t not swehehehear!” he said. “Nahahahat when you gohohoho thehehere!”

“Hmm, alright, I guess I’ll try another spot then. What about, here?” Shoji asked, using one pair of hands to tickle his stomach.

The blonde snorted and squirmed as much as he could in the other boy’s grip as he felt Shoji make his clawed hands go around in a circle, stop, then wiggle his fingers, doing so randomly. It kept him alternating between giggling and laughing with the changes of intensity. ‘Damn it!’Bakugou thought. ‘Since when did he get so creative? And since when did I get so damn sensitive? Agh! This is even worse than usual!’

Shoji chuckled evilly and then did something especially cruel, in Bakugou’s mind. He used his index finger from each of his six hands to poke and prod and his stomach, sides, and ribs. All the while saying, “Beep, boop,” like a robot.

“Nohohohohoho!” Bakugou whined.

“But the Bakugou system has malfunctioned! I must fix it! Beep, beep, boop!”

The blonde snorted through his giggles and blushed a strawberry red at the goofy teasing.

Sato grinned at the unusual sight of his angry classmate laughing, and his quiet, reserved friend in a playful mood. Another laugh reached his ears and he followed it to the hallway where he found Tokoyami tickling Sero, who was rolling around on the floor, instead of being pinned.

“Roll around all you like! You’ll never escape me or my tickles!” Tokoyami said, digging into his friends’ side with purpose.

“Ahahahahahahaha! Tokohohohohohoho! Ehehehehehehe!”

“Toko? Who is this Toko you speak of?”

“You knohohohohow!” Sero insisted, trying to bat his hands away, only to have one of his arms lifted and his armpit tickled into oblivion. “Nononono! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” the boy flailed and kicked, cackling madly, almost kicking Tokoyami in the face. This caused enough of a distraction to allow Sero to start scrambling away.

In the spirit of fun, Tokoyami smirked and let him run to the end of the hall. But at the last second, he summoned Dark Shadow. The creature zoomed after Sero and wrapped itself around him, quickly bringing him back over to Tokoyami and hanging him upside down.

Sero hiccupped and giggled, blushing as he tried to avoid eye contact.

Tokoyami met his eyes and smirked. “Sero, you wouldn’t be trying to run away from me, would you?” he asked.

Sero giggled and blushed even more.

“All I wanted to do was play, have some fun. And then you decide to almost kick me in the face and run away? That was terribly rude.”

“Sohohorry.”

“Are you? I’m not sure I believe you,” Tokoyami said, turning his back and folding his arms, pretending to be upset.

Sero cleared his throat. “Uh, I’ll make it up to you. I’ll do anything,” he said, his smile growing impossibly wider as his friend turned around, his eyes glinting with mischief.

Tokoyami nodded at Dark Shadow, who took his cue and started removing Sero’s shoes and socks. “Anything? Hmm. I think you’re going to regret saying that my friend,” he said.

Truth be told, Sero didn’t regret it at all. He knew exactly what he was doing, and his stream of nervous giggling quickly turned into roaring laughter as Dark Shadow tickled his feet and Tokoyami tickled his sides. He couldn’t wiggle very much because the entity had a secure, though not painful, hold on him.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Sero cackled and shook his head back and forth, feeling the smooth claws of Dark Shadow dance over his arches and the balls of his feet. He shrieked when he felt Tokoyami start to knead his sides. “NAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” And to make matters worse, he was still upside down.

Not wanting to evoke Tokoyami’s playful wrath, Sato managed to sneak away and creep up the stairs where he found Kaminari and Izuku teaming up on Ojiro.

Izuku was squeezing his knees, while Kaminari tickled his armpits.

“GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! COHOHOHOHOHOME ON! WHY?”

Izuku giggled. “Why? We can’t help it! You’re just too cute not to!”

“I AHAHAHAHAM NOT! I’M A MAHAHAHAHAHAN! NAHAHAHAHAHAT CUTE!”

Kaminari snorted and yanked his hands free from under his arms, switching to tickling his neck, while Izuku decided to go for his stomach. Their sudden switch to different places and gentle tickles made Ojiro go back to his hiccup-like giggles.

“Ojiro, Ojiro, Ojiro. You should know better than to say that! You are cute, and you’re a man. You can be both at the same time! I mean, look at you! You’re so red, you’re giving tomatoes a run for their money. And if you could hear yourself giggling right now, I think you’d agree that it’s adorable. Right, Midoriya?”

“Right!”

Ojiro, extremely flustered, used his tail to try and fight off his tickly attackers. He ended up hitting Izuku’s arm with a light thump, startling the green-haired boy.

“Hey!”

Izuku and Kaminari stopped for a moment and exchanged a look, and they both grabbed his tail and tickled it into oblivion.

Ojiro threw his head back and let out his most hysterical laughter yet. Not ten, but twenty fingers danced up and down his tail, lighting up his nerves with tickly sensations. “NOHOHOHOHOHOHO! NAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MY TAHAHAHAHAIL!” He felt silly, and he’d been laughing so much that his brain was turning to mush. “REHEHEHEHEHED!” he cried. He felt a little too silly and was extremely relieved when the tickles stopped.

Sato sighed with relief too. ‘I’m glad they’re still considerate of the other person’s limits,’ he thought, watching them with a small smile as the two boys wrapped Ojiro in a gentle hug and rubbed his back as he tried to catch his breath. Once he did, he let out a big sigh.

“Wow. You guys are crazy,” he said, smiling at his two friends. “You were awful to attack my poor tail like that. It’s gonna want revenge at some point, but I’ll leave that for another day.” He glanced up. “Oh! Sato! Dude, those meringues of yours are nuts! Crazy good, but man! Ha! What did you put in them?”

“Well,” Sato said. “I was talking with the Senseis about a special move I could do after I’d exhausted my quirk, and Yamada-Sensei suggested a weapon instead. The meringues I made had different doses of a safe chemical they use in making laughing gas. You know, the stuff they give you when you’re at the dentist. I was gonna warn you guys, but at the same time I needed some test subject to see if it worked,” he said.

Ojiro raised his eyebrows. “Really? That’s interesting! Well, mine seems to have worn off.”

“Makes sense, you got one of the lower doses. Kaminari, Midoriya, how are you guys doing?” Sato asked as the two boys stood up.

They folded their arms and gave him the same mischievous look he’d seen earlier.

“I don’t know about you, Kaminari, but last I checked, I didn’t agree to be a test subject,” Izuku said.

“Yeah, me either,” Kaminari said.

Sato frowned. “Sorry guys! I was going to at first, but you ate them before I could say anything…and I don’t know how to reverse the effects so I figured I should just watch, at least for a little while. Sorry.”

Izuku scoffed. “Oh, you’ll be sorry alright.”

And that was all the hint that Sato needed. He took off down the stairs with his two classmates behind him, hot on his heels. Ojiro watched them go, and then got up and followed, semi-curious to see what would happen. ‘Man, I need a nap,’ he thought. ‘Maybe I’ll crash on the couch or something.’

Sato forgot that one should be careful when running down the stairs, and one shouldn’t run down the stairs at all unless they were in danger.

“We’re coming to get you!” Kaminari shouted gleefully.

He was in danger alright. Tickly danger.

Ojiro followed slowly, grinning at their silliness. He glanced around and noticed Sero, Tokoyami, and Dark Shadow playing chess together. And then he saw Shoji hugging a very smiley and slightly blushing Bakugou, who looked comfortable, (and very sweet) all wrapped up in his friend’s arms. But as soon as they heard the commotion they jumped away from each other and quickly started playing a video game instead.

Ojiro made it downstairs just in time to see Izuku and Kaminari tackle Sato to the ground and start wrestling with him. The three boys were strong, but a few minutes later the two boys pinned him down.

“Come on guys, I said I was sorry!” Sato said, a nervous smile slowly spreading across his face. His pleas fell on deaf ears.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Sato thrashed and bucked and kicked as he felt two sets of hands roughly tickle his torso and knead into his ribs.

“Maybe we should have you eat one of your giggle meringues!” Kaminari said.

Izuku giggled. “Hey! That’s a great name for them! What do you think, Sato?”

“He loves it! He’s absolutely tickled about it!”

The two couldn’t help but laugh and slow down their attack, eventually stopping completely.

Sato panted and sat up, smiling from the tickling and relief. “I think yours has worn off too,” he said. “And like I said earlier, I’m sorry for not saying anything.”

“Nah, no worries dude!” Sero called from across the room. “I had fun! You’re good!”

Everyone else confirmed that, except for Ojiro, who’d fallen asleep on the couch.

Sato was about to ask what they wanted to do since everyone seemed too tired to do martial arts. Before he could, he heard the front door unlock and open.

“Hey, my little listeners! Come help with the groceries!” Yamada said, followed by Aizawa, Toshinori, and the rest of the class.

Sato jumped up and went to help.

“I could hear you guys laughing from outside! What’s the joke?” Yamada asked. “Ooh, what are these?” He walked over and popped a white one into his mouth.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Sato cried. “Oh man…those are my special meringues filled with chemicals. Weapons, remember? Just like you suggested.”

Yamada grimaced. “Well, I’m glad you found something, but what was in that?”

“Nothing harmful, just a laughing gas type of chemical.”

Sero, who’d started helping unpack things, turned around and grinned, eagerly waiting to see which one his Sensei had eaten. “Yeah! They’re pretty dangerous, heh. You either become a tickle monster or a tickle target!”

Yamada chuckled, and for a moment Sato thought he’d been affected. But when the man patted his head, he knew he hadn’t. “What a silly weapon!” he said. “I like it! Silly, and sweet. Just like all of my little listeners!”

Sato smiled and started packing up his meringues, making sure to divide them and put big labels that said, regular, and giggles (do not eat). He was about to take them up to his room when he saw Uraraka eating a white one.

“Oh no! Uraraka! Man, I should have made the regular ones a different color!”

“What?” she asked. “What is it?”

He watched for a moment and then sighed in relief when it turned out that she’d eaten a normal one.

Or had she?