April

I completely forgot about the scene where Laurie seems pleased to be perceived as older! And while I was reading, I never even thought of the idea of molding, or Laurie thinking it's possible or trying to do it 😭 When I read Charlot's scene, I took is as the moment when Laurie finally has to confront the reality of who Andrew is and how different they really are...I will definitely be reading that scene more closely now that you mention it here!

You're definitely right that Laurie should've seen it coming with Charlot 😭 it's not as if Andrew hadn't told him who he is, but I don't think he ever had to really confront it until then. It's one thing to hear about the spine of steel, but another thing completely to rush into it headfirst at 80 miles per hour 😭

I don't understand why Laurie immediately interprets the relationship between Andrew and Dave as anything other than father/child or even just uncle/nephew. I'm rereading chapter 5, where Andrew is telling him all about his father's death and despite the fact that he clearly explains Dave is old enough to have known both his parents, Laurie is insanely jealous of Dave and thinks the whole situation gives him a 'headstart'... why?

I'm trying to think through the rest of what I know happens in the book, and the only other scene I can connect it with is the one where Laurie's sitting with Mervyn and thinks suddenly about how Sandy's friends could misinterpret the situation if they walk by. I don't know if there's supposed to be a connection or anything, but I really do not understand the vibes Laurie is getting at all 😭

just finished the charioteer today and can't stop thinking about it, will probably start rereading it again today smh

why couldn't it just be that jem saw Jessie get belial's marks stripped off of him and that's what he was talking about when he told Emma about it

"So much of the book’s cruelty (in the main characters, I wouldn’t really count like… Straike) is driven by deep shame at what they perceive as the “dark” elements of themselves, reflected outwards…” This is actually genius, and I never would’ve thought of it if you hadn’t mentioned it! Thank you! I wonder if it can be seen with even Mr. Straike: I think a huge part of displaying Straike's cruelty and hypocrisy in the book was done by nothing other than simply contrasting him with the conscientious objectors in hospital and he made it a point to be very insulting about them when Laurie is at home (but this may just be because everyone disliked them at the time).

Re Andrew’s letter though: I think he’s referencing punching Bunny. The thing he wants to kill is both his feelings for Laurie (which are, in that moment, an extension of his feelings of learning about Laurie/Ralph) and also his anger at being suddenly confronted with the truth of his emotions in quite possibly the worst way known to mankind. And I think he says he can never say what he wants to now because even if he establishes regular contact with Laurie through letters (which we aren’t even sure he does), he probably really will never allow himself to speak openly about the things he feels; he believes it’s wrong to feel this way, he might see it as temptation if Laurie looks on it favourably, etc.

‘I hope he finds a kindred spirit at the Quaker house in London.’ This is actually the perfect happy ending for him! It would be very lovely.

It's only been a little bit of time since I reread the book (maybe 2-3 weeks) but since then Andrew's letter is the one part I keep randomly thinking about. Specifically:

"The thing you want to kill is really in yourself. That is why people become cruel in war, because they are doing what I did...there is much more I should like to say, but now I shall never be able to say it. You know I shall remember you all my life.

Love,

Andrew."

I have this idea that Laurie keeps Andrew's letter in his pocket the way he kept the Phaedrus with him at all times; at the end of the book, we see it's still there and I don't think Laurie would get rid of it.

“I drink dew for wine, and hearken to The voices of the birds, and dance To the rhythmic swaying of the grass.

I am the lover’s gift; I am the wedding wreath; I am the memory of a moment of happiness; I am the last gift of the living to the dead; I am a part of joy and a part of sorrow.

But I look up high to see only the light, And never look down to see my shadow. This is wisdom which man must learn.”

- Song of the Flower by Khalil Gibran

“‘Machine’ is journalese....Inexact terms like that are part of the war psychosis. People are never machines, even when they want to be. You have to start somewhere.”

andrew raynes you will always be an anti war king to me, idc what anyone else (ralph) says you will always be famous

i recently started reading the Well of Loneliness which is one of the books that Mary was responding to in her contemporary novels that include gay characters. i had previously just heard about it as basically this very depressing classic of gay literature that was very controversial, banned in England, etc., but i really had no idea of its literary merit, if it was actually a good book or not! i'm like 3/4 way through and i HAVE to recommend it. it's really compelling and i found it very affecting. it addresses a lot of the themes that appear in the Charioteer about the dilemma of gay life at the time, a lot of the main character's thoughts are quite reminiscent of Laurie's thoughts. i think it's a classic for a reason and worth reading.

I will definitely check this out! If it's reminiscent of Laurie, I'll probably love it! Thank you so much for the recommendation!

I don't think Belial will actually be stabbed a third time by Cortana; in the Ghosts of the Shadowhunter Market, Belial is still around (and if I remember correctly, he shouldn't be around for at least a hundred years if he gets stabbed) and Jem mentions some kind of debt Belial owes him that hasn't yet been paid. Maybe, Jem and the rest of the gang get rid of Belial by making a deal with him? He gets Cordelia out of her oath with Lilith and promises to go away, as long as they stop hunting him? Maybe this is why the Carstairs owe the Herondales?

Jane Eyre: Incorrect Quotes (68/?)