Kim Dokja And The Concept Of Dying (major Spoilers)

Kim Dokja and the concept of dying (major spoilers)

Warning: mentions of suicide, abusive acts and bullying, though it's only mentioned and not specified.

Okay, I've had this idea in my head since last night and probably a few days ago. But I think we all make fun or joke about how much Kim Dokja dies, and I sure as hell ain't gonna read 500+ chapters again just to count how many times he has died and reference what other characters felt towards Kim Dokja dying.

So, why did I bring this up?

Well the reason is simple. I think that Kim Dokja dies to show his love. I mean, it was practically his go to, he'd rather sacrifice himself than let others do it, even though they were 100% willing to die for him, Kim Dokja time and time again breaks his promises just to let them experience a new day.

Lee Sookyung, his mother, kick-started this whole affair. While she didn't die when Kim Dokja killed their abuser, she did ruin her life and made it unable for her to go back to living a life with Kim Dokja. Effectively, to Kim Dokja, the mother he knew died at the same time his father died.

He also had a shitty life and none of his classmates nor relatives were sympathetic nor empathetic at all, hell when he moves in with some relatives I bet they don't even care about him or just abuse him. His classmates hurt him, his teachers turn a blind eye to him and reporters hound him for their money source. The whole world was telling him he was "useless and unimportant" and even Lee Sookyung couldn't comfort Kim Dokja as a mother anymore, I think she knows she lost the right to be Kim Dokja's mother the moment she let her book out, effectively not only ruining her but her son's life.

To both of them, they both died on that same day.

And when the Alter Han Sooyoung saw Kim Dokja's comatose body after he jumped and realized just how much the book she roasted was the only book that made Kim Dokja get up to live another day, even when the world told him "Die, you're nothing but a murderer's son" she kept giving him that awful story she hated "Three Ways to Survive a Ruined World" because deep down, she wanted to have a reader like Kim Dokja who talked to her, read her work and became the only thing letting him live.

Then the dying part.

The first time we see Kim Dokja die was during that King fighting where he managed to become a Salvation King(?). He died the first time and told no one he would come back or maybe assure them he would, because at that time he was living in the world of his novel. The novel that was created for him, and the people in his life and in the novel blend together making him unaware where his reality started and ended. He told no one because, as much as he can admit, he didn't or couldn't trust them, because the people back then would hurt him and tell him to die. Why else would he have committed suicide?

And as the book continues, we see Kim Dokja starting to piece together that people genuinely care for him, that he saved someone even for his own personal benefits and sees that even though they know, they still want to prove themselves. He sees how his mere existence impacts people to be stronger, to be better, and he feels, for the first time, wanting to protect.

During 45th turn (was it 45th..?) Shin Yoosung. Kim Dokja wouldn't let her die and kept doing the impossible to free her and give her a second chance, maybe he saw himself in her and wanted her to have a chance of happiness and freedom that the young Kim Dokja desperately pleaded. Kim Dokja found respite in his novel and now he wants to free Shin Yoosung.

Don't get me started when Yoo Sangah had to die, Lee Sookyung became desperately ill due to her ability or Lee Hyunsung's soul being yeet off to the Land of Oz. He kept going to them and basically screaming "IF YOU SAY I CAN'T DIE! THEN YOU CAN'T DIE NO MATTER WHAT!!!" challenging the impossible, fighting constellations and gambling with his life at stake for his companions.

As the series progress so does his self destructive habits. He will continuously kill himself if it means that the people he starts to love will have a chance to live in this fucked up world. He's been twisted and hammered down by life ever since he was young and no one ever cared for him... Except for the author of the novel, tls123, Alter Han Sooyoung. That extends to the novel.

Now that he has people he cares for, Kin Dokja doesn't know how to say "I love you", doesn't know how to show affection and that just baffles him so he pushes away those emotional needs and quickly tries to ruin the Star Stream. For me, if he destroys the Star Stream, this will be his saying of "I love you" to his companions because by then, everyone is free, nobody needs to die or hurt themselves over a scenario.

Nobody will be strung along for the amusement of constellations.

And since Kim Dokja always dies...

That's his way of saying "I love you" even when it guarantees giving his companions trauma and fears for him. Because Lee Sookyung's final act of motherhood for Kim Dokja was her ruining and killing herself as Kim Dokja's mother and becoming a "murderer", lying to not only everyone in this world and her son, but to herself. This was her final saying of "I love you" to Kim Dokja as she was dragged away to prison.

Kim Dokja, deep down, believes he is unimportant even though he assures himself he is with his knowledge. But when he sees a situation where even he can't find a solution, he will die for them. He won't hesitate to jump into danger if it means saving the only people who loves and cares for him.

The most telling is during the Demon King Selection. Where Kim Dokja's prophesied demise is by the hands of his "most beloved/loved person" and when Kim Dokja found out and when he saw Yoo Joonghyuk ready to sacrifice himself.

I wonder, if he ever felt the flashes of guilt pass through his eyes, because even back then he knew that Yoo Joonghyuk suffered 1863rd turns to keep one reader alive, and that's why he tells Yoo Joonghyuk to live even when Kim Dokja is the most hypocritical person in the world.

Because, to Kim Dokja, Yoo Joonghyuk was the only person who gave Kim Dokja a reason to wake up and not jump.

When he became the Demon King, he didn't attack. He would watch his party cry and kill him and even then he seemed happy. He would eventually come back but in that moment, this incident must have finally shot a bullet in his head that people would cry when he died.

And that led him to want to live. Live and be beside his companions, his family.

This then shows in the Remake of Journey to the West where he made a deal with the Wenny King or Secretive Plotter to become an Outer God if he could not fulfill the requirements in exchange for him living. And when he finally became an Outer God, you could see how much he wants to be with Lee Gilyoung, Shin Yoosung, Yoo Joonghyuk and everyone else. He keeps pursuing such dangerous options so that his companions won't have to do it. He'll step on thorny roads so that his companions can live.

And that even extends to the very final scenes in the book. Two key points:

A.) Kim Dokja splitting himself up and leaving himself behind in the subway.

B.) Kim Dokja going in a coma.

Both are the same in the prospect that the world where his family will live in is going to collapse if nobody dreams for them.

Why Kim Dokja was ready to give his family an avatar with 49% of his memory so that even in spirit, he could be with them. And he was selfish because, as heavily stated before, they were after all, the first people that cared for him. So he held on to 2% of their journey close to his chest as he headed to his death in that lonely subway.

Why Kim Dokja split himself far and wide just so that his companions wouldn't destroy the world together. A suicide mission. He must have been shocked that they loved him that much to disregard the entire universe for him and felt helpless. Because even when they managed to get a hold on him... They would perish and he would be alone.

What was his final moments as he rapidly split himself up, his guilt as he imagined their faces one last time and his helpless laughter as he couldn't believe how preposterous his companions were.

His happiness that someone cared for him which then turned to fear that they would die.

His sadness that he couldn't stay with them and his anger at them for not being satisfied with 49%... His shame when he clung to 2%... His promise he keeps breaking.

He wants to live, even during those days in the scenario where he stayed with Kim Dokja's Company, wants to live with them and live in a world that's slowly healing.

So he'll take any chances to let them live and maybe hope, in this twisted world, he can live with them.

So he sleeps as the Most Ancient Dream and dreams them to be happy and waits to wake up.

That's why the ending is so bittersweet yet beautiful.

Because the Most Ancient Dream woke up to the dreams of his loved ones crashing through the door and turning to reality.

Because even Kim Dokja can love someone. He's no longer Alone nor a Reader.

He's at home.