And I Present To You My Favorite Video Of Calum: “ya Lil Bitchass.”

I hate lin manuel miranda and here's why:

SIKE SIKE

SIKE

I Know It’s Breaking Your Heart

Calum Hood x fem! reader ; Luke Hemmings x fem! reader

Warning: angst and mild swear words

Word Count: 2515

Summary: It’s hard to watch the person you love in pain due to the feelings they hold for someone else. Y/N knows that Calum has feelings for her, and Calum is aware that she knows too. So what’s stopping the two from becoming official? Y/N loves Calum’s best friend.

a/n: This is inspired or based on the song ‘ghostin’ by Ariana Grande. It’s absolutely phenomenal, incredible, and heartbreaking and I do advise you to listen to it while reading.

I know you hear me when I cry I try to hold it in the night While you’re sleepin’ next to me But it’s your arms that I need this time (This time)

You hated feeling vulnerable.

Blinking away the tears threatening to fall down, you stare at the Instagram post that Luke uploaded a couple days ago. Thao🖤, it’s captioned, as it displays a beautiful image of him and Sierra. The picture is so simple yet so captivating that it radiates romance through the screen, making your heart ache once more from unwanted jealousy.

You close your eyes and place the phone beside you with the screen facing down before one hand goes to wipe away fallen tears, all the while the other rises to grasp and twist the garment covering you heart in current pain.

Soft sobs can be heard in the room, echoing throughout the air and bouncing from wall to wall. The silence is deafening, but you couldn’t seem to feel anything other than your aching heart as you vulnerably tuck your head in between your knees in attempt of self-consolation.

“Y/N?” You hear Calum’s voice call you from outside the studio. “It’s almost midnight lovely, why are you still here?”

Look at the cards that we’ve been dealt If you were anybody else Probably wouldn’t last a day Every tear’s a rain parade from hell (From hell)

You slowly look up from your position and place your eyes on the raven-haired man. Standing up abruptly, you pull him close in a tight embrace as you sob onto his chest.

Calum doesn’t say anything but rather only pulls you closer against him, burying his face on your neck.

To say that the two of you have been in this situation only once or twice would be an extreme understatement. You’ve lost count of the times that Calum has found you in this certain state of vulnerability, the first time being months back when Luke first talked about Sierra romantically.

That was at Ashton’s house on a Sunday morning after a Saturday night out.

You remember how Luke’s eyes shone under the light-washed room when he talked about meeting Sierra the night before, and how he hasn’t felt that way since first meeting his ex - when things were non-toxic and healthy. You remember how his dimples came out as his smile widened when he spoke of the cheesy pick up line he used to approach her. You remember the boys patting him on the back, happy that he’s found someone that was then a possible love interest. You remember being one of the ones to smile and hug him, telling him that he truly deserves someone to love in a way unexplainable. And you remember him thanking you for that, telling you how much he appreciates all that you’ve done for him and the band.

But then you also remember having to excuse yourself after breakfast because ‘you had to use the restroom,’ but really it’s because you almost felt yourself choking from holding back the tears. You remember suddenly bursting out of your seat and head straight to the bathroom, bumping into Calum on the way. You remember how Calum checked on you as soon as you two collided and how his face softened as soon as he saw your broken state. You remember faking a smile before pushing past him and finally reach the bathroom. You remember having to lock the door and open the faucet so that no one could hear you crying and in pain. You remember how Calum knocked softly and asked you to let him in, not taking no for an answer. And once you did, he allowed his actions to speak volumes and only hugged you tight against his chest, whispering sweet nothings and words of comfort against your ear all the while softly rubbing your back.

You remember the first out of the countless low points in your life, and each time Calum was always there for you. You don’t know whether you could’ve gone on remaining to be such good friends with Luke and the rest of the boys if he wasn’t there for you. You probably wouldn’t last a day without his comfort. Calum was and still remains to be your anchor, - your lifeline.

Baby, you do it so well You been so understanding, you been so good And I’m puttin’ you through more than one ever should And I’m hating myself ‘cause you don’t want to Admit that it hurts you

But it’s so wrong. It’s so wrong what you’re doing to him.

It doesn’t take a genius to understand why he’s done all that he’s done for you. Sure he’s your friend, but so is Ash and Mike, so is Crystal and Kay.

So when you asked him why,

“Cal, why are you doing this?”

“Hm?”

“Why are you here? Why aren’t you out right now with the rest of the boys? It’s a Friday night, Cal. You could’ve met a girl today.”

“The only girl I need is right here with me.”

“Cal I’m serious. Why do you stay with me? I mean- don’t get me wrong, I appreciate all that you’ve done for me and I truly love you from the bottom of my heart, but you know you don’t have to do any of this.”

“I know that Y/N.”

“Okay, so why do you?”

-and he replies with nothing, you knew.

The silence was the loudest of all answers he could’ve possibly given.

After what felt like hours, the two of you pull apart and out of the embrace. Your eyes still remain closed as you try to steady your breathing. Lips quivering from both the pain and the cold, you feel Calum wrap around his jacket around you which then makes you suddenly step away from him.

Startled, Calum reaches forward to touch your shoulder in a comforting manner, “I’m sorry Y/N I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to give you my jacket since you seem col-”

“I’m sorry, Cal.” You cut him off with a whisper.

“What?” He replies, his gaze softening at the sight of your defenseless exteriority and his heart aching from your delicate words.

I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again Over him, mmh I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again 'Stead of ghostin’ him

Sighing, you raise your head to look at him before smiling weakly, “I know you care about me. In- in the same way I care about Luke, and-” You readjust yourself by looking away from him, “I know it hurts you. I know it hurts you seeing me cry because of how I feel for him and God Cal, I’m so sorry for being selfish and accepting your embrace every time you come to me.”

“No no no no no Y/N no-” He tries to cut you off.

“Im so sorry for being such a hypocrite and not putting your feelings in consideration the same way you’ve been putting mine. I’m so sorry for just thinking about me Cal. I know it’s breaking your heart and- fuck, I’m so fucking sorry that I’m just allowing myself to do this to you.” You sputter your words out quickly, pausing in between due to the sobs escaping your lips.

Letting out a weak laugh, you smile as you look up at him, “God I wish I love you instead of him. I wish I loved you instead, Cal.”

“Shh shh, don’t say those things alright? You can’t possibly blame yourself for how you feel.” He responds soothingly, his hand finding its way to the back of your head as he pulls you in another hug, yet this one being firmer and tighter. “-I would know. It’s not your fault, Y/N.”

You grasp the fabric of his back and squeeze in attempt of comfort, smiling sadly and ironically, “The fucked up part is that it’s not his either.”

Letting out a soft sigh, you sway from side to side as you’re in the embrace, “He’s so happy with her, and I should be happy for him. But instead I drown myself in misery. I can’t even last an hour during a date without wishing I was with him instead. I’m so fucking pathetic, honestly.”

“We both are.”

“Guess we are perfect for eachother then.”

“Guess so.”

We’ll get through this, we’ll get past this, I’m a girl with A whole lot of baggage But I love you, we’ll get past this, I’m a girl with A whole lot of baggage, yeah

Making your way out of the studio, Calum again tries to wrap his jacket around you, and you let him. 

You thank him silently before giving a small smile and pushing the door open, Calum trudging along behind you closely. 

The both of you silently walk through the halls as you pass by the records and record labels upon which are in bright colors, screaming in yellow and green from the Sounds Good Feels Good album and red and blue for Youngblood. Your eyes find themselves scanning the walls ahead as you say memories captured in camera. 

Suddenly coming to a stop, Calum realizes the distance between you and him as he finds himself ahead of you. Turning around, he sees you biting your lip as you clearly try to hold back the tears. You were looking at the displayed image of you and Luke in a very tight embrace, taken just backstage when the guys have won their first ARIA award. Ironically, the sweet moment between the two of you was captured by Calum himself. 

You take one last look before swallowing the lump that formed in your throat as you continue your walk, grabbing Calum’s hand in the process. 

Calum slightly gets startled at your actions for some reason, even though hand holding is a very common gesture that the two of you do. Perhaps it was the timing upon which you did it. Or maybe he’s just falling in love with you even more, so much more that what was once a friendly action became a meaningful touch to him. 

Smiling sadly, Calum says nothing in fear that you’d suddenly let go.

Though I wish he were here instead Don’t want that living in your head He just comes to visit me When I’m dreaming every now and then (And then)

Once the two of you reach the outside, you pull him to a stop and look at him. 

He stares back at you with a kind of fondness that warms your heart, how could you have possibly been blessed by whichever power is about above with someone like him? 

Putting down the bags, you ask him to do the same, and as he does what he is told, you then take a hold of both his hands and place the in between the both of you.  

You smile before looking up at him, the difference in height taking a huge toll in the distance between both of your sights. Sighing softly, “I want to try us, Cal.” 

Taken aback, Calum looks at you in confusion, “What are you-”

“I don’t know when yet-” You cut him off, “and I don’t know how. I don’t know whether it’ll work out, and I don’t know whether this is crazy or not but- but I want to try, Cal.”

It takes a while for Calum to respond as he only stares at you adamantly before speaking up, “Y/N I love you.”

“Cal-”

“No. I love you. I’m in love with you. And I don’t know what that means to you or for you but I can’t just put my emotions on the line like this in hopes that you’ll run out of feelings for Luke and turn to me instead. That’s not fair, lovely. And I’m sorry but I can’t do that. I can’t just be a second choice.”

He finishes with a gentle tuck of your hair behind your ear, and suddenly you feel your heart flutter at the gesture.

This small interaction and display of affection has given you the boost to speak about what you mean, “Cal, of course not. I could never ever ask you to do such a thing. You’re not my- and should never ever be anyone’s second choice.”

You pause, trying to find the right words to say.

“And I’m not asking for that. I’m not asking for dates, or goodmorning texts, or gifts. I’m not asking for anything more than our current now. I’m not asking for you or myself or anyone to do anything. The only difference from now on is that I’ll recognize the fact that you have these feelings for me. That’s something I’ve never done before Cal, and you know it. Each time you’ve showed me affection I’ve brushed it off. Each time you’ve showed your love for me I chose to blindly ignore it. But I won’t anymore. I won’t ignore your love anymore, and I won’t pretend that you don’t anymore.”

Fumbling over with your words, you can just feel his eyes staring at you. It made you feel a sense of weakness, a tremble in your knees as you for the first time in existence felt intimidated by his presence. 

A kind of feeling you’ve only gotten around Luke.

“I’m not asking you to keep loving me, I’m just saying that if you do still choose to, I won’t hide how I feel about them anymore.”

It was a very long pause. A very long silence.

You hear distant car noises from down the street and certain chatters from crowds across the block. It feels as if you’re in a scene located in a desert and a tumbleweed passes by.

“And how do you feel about them, Y/N?”He finally asks, more daringly than sweet.

You kind of liked it.

“Just now?” You look up at him straightly, your head tipped up as his are tipped down, “I kind of like it, Cal.” 

And after all that we been through (And after all that we been through) There’s so much to look forward to What was done and what was said Leave it all here in this bed with you (With you)

You have no clue what is to come after that interaction. You don’t even know whether you made the right choice. 

You didn’t love Calum,

not yet.

But somehow you cared and longed for him lovingly. The way you needed him is unlike any other person you needed before. Not even Luke. He understands and connects with you in every way and every level. He brings you a sense of peace, a sense of calmness and joy and happiness that is incomparable to anything of existence. And that night, you felt something else other than joy or peace or happiness. No, instead you felt an immediate connection - a connection so strong that you felt so drawn to him than ever before. 

You didn’t feel love, you felt a connection on its way to love.

This connection is a type that developed over time, and after a long way hell in traffic, it’s finally reached its destination. 

soulmate (n): a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before; as this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong, and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone before. 

hi!! i was wondering if you have fic recommendations where reader and bts (any member) are enemies that always banter but then one of them goes tOO FAR and hurts the other's feelings. then whoever gets hurt starts to ignore them and the other getS all hurt and realizes they have feelings... it's oddly specific but i live for these fics 😭 thank you!! 🥺

Anonymous said to hellreads: hiii can you please recommend me some tokyo ghoul jungkook au????🥺💗

Anonymous said to hellreads: Hello!! Do you know any angst ffs where a bts member breaks up with y/n for another girl? I’ve been wanting to read something angsty for a while but can’t find any... please help. Any member is fine.

Ask #1: I don’t think I’ve read anything like that, so I can’t recommend any story for you, sorry.

Ask #2: I’ve seen a few around here but since I haven’t read them I don’t have anything for you, sorry.

Ask #3: My memory is shitty rn and I’m trying to recall whether or not I’ve read anything where a member breaks up with y/n but I really can’t remember any, the closest fic that comes to mind tho is My Cheating Amnesic Fiance by wrienne on ao3 but JK and Reader aren’t really lovers from the start, it was an arranged marriage au and JK decided to get a gf and things got complicated.

anyways, if any of you reading this have recommendations for our dear anons please send them over, let’s help each other find good reads! | 🍒

+ recs under the cut.

U P D A T E

Ask #1:

Ask #2:

Ask #3: A lot of these recommendations have themes of cheating or is a cheating fic through and through. (I’m still thinking of my own reads and most of them are reader leaving member or arranged marriages where member is in love with someone else)

❥ Come Home to Me Darling by @roses-ruby ➴ Married/Cheating!AU | Jimin x Reader | Two-Shot ➴ Jimin cheats and you try to make him stay. But whatever you do, it’s never enough.

❥ Sandcastles by @solastia ➴ Open Relationship!AU | Namjoon x Reader | Series ➴ //

❥ Can’t Keep Lying by @1rosex ➴ Seokjin x Reader | Series ➴ Jin’s been distant lately. Maybe it’s the work flow, maybe it’s something you said. Or maybe, maybe it’s just the girl at work.

❥ Cheater by @personasintro ➴ Cheating!AU | Taehyung x Reader | Oneshot ➴ Ten proofs you got to find out the truth but you were too blind in love to see

❥ Insecurity by @jiminelli ➴ Lovers!AU | Jungkook x Reader | Series ➴ Scenario: I wanted a jk scenario where he is on we got married or something similar to the show where his ideal girl is paired with him so his gf who’s not necessarily his type Start to wonder if he will lose feelings for her so she and him end up getting in a fight that pretty bad );

Why do you reblog your own fics so much?

Because someone might as well!? And look at this. Look. At. This.

Does this look right to you??

These are just the last three fics I wrote. I appreciate the likes, believe me I do, but you have to understand. Likes do nothing for content creators. It’s the reblogs. Because that’s how you find shit on your dashboard. Through reblogs. Not likes. This isn’t twitter or tiktok or instagram. This is a website that’s run by the reblog system.

Reblogging helps content creators put their stuff out there. Why do you think so many people stopped writing fanfic and creating beautiful fanart and edits? It’s because they put in hours of work and don’t get nearly enough notes for their masterpieces. Yes we do this because we enjoy it but like...some validation won’t hurt. A boost of confidence here and there might be all someone needs to finish whatever thing they started and left.

Anyway, I’m still going to reblog my shit...

masterlist.

maybe it’s not all here but i’ll try my best||

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After making sure Gryffindor wins the House Cup

Dumbledore: I'm so generous

Dumbledore: 10 points to Dumbledore

no thoughts just jungkook running in a crop top

everything in this video just,,,,radiates harry,, like it’s so him and like it just radiates harry styles energy

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