You

*I scream in terror and scurry off, scaring the shit out of a few dozen people in the bar as I flee.*

Tarantula: May I have a coke please

Waitress: All we have is Pepsis is that okay?

*Tarantula sweating nervously*: Y-you have what

Slender: Splendor hand me that newspaper

Spendor: Oka- No! You're going to hit me with it.

Slender: I won't.

Splendor: Do you promise?

Slender: Yes.

Slender:

Slender: Trender, hit your brother for me.

I mean between character and reader. It works by people describing themselves to you as detailed as possible and you tell them what character would fit them as a partner and why.

And if you want to go the extra mile, you can even add a (smaller) fanfic. But so far I've never seen anyone do that.

Do you also do match ups or only fanfics?

Do you mean match ups between readers and characters or two characters? Either way, I'll admit I'm not familiar with this, but why not!

*suddenly wonders if they know enough characters to do that and keep it varied*

//I'm alive!!! Sorry this took so long, anon!!! Likes, reblogs and comments are very appreciated!//

tw: smut

Aziraphale:

Praise Kink: You better believe that this angel has a praise kink. He loves this kink, both giving and receiving, but he absolutely loves to enrapture you with compliment after compliment while pleasuring you. He'll fuck you gently while whispering praises in your ear. Praises about how beautiful you look underneath him, how cute your soft moans are, how you mean the world to him, etc.

Bondage: He likes to tie you up but not in a BDSM sort of way. He won't use ropes but instead uses silk ribbon to tie you down. He thinks you look more elegant that way. When he's done wrapping the ribbon around your naked body, he'll coo at you and say, "Look at you, my sweet... You look like a present that's waiting to be unwrapped... just for me!"

Edgeplay: This is his way of punishing you when you're being naughty. This form of punishment will go hand-in-hand with his bondage kink. While you're tied up, looking all cute and helpless, he'll edge you over and over until you're sobbing and begging for release. He'll edge you using his fingers or maybe his tongue, but his favorite way to edge you is by using a vibrator because it makes you more desperate for his touch.

Petplay: He probably won't ever admit it out loud but he has a thing for the master/pet dynamic. He'd have you wear a cute headband with fuzzy cat ears attached. He also loves to picture you in a pretty pastel colored collar with a leash attached. Will definitely call you his "pet" or his "pretty kitty."

Thigh-Highs: I headcanon Aziraphale as someone who really likes thighs. To squeeze them, kiss them, nip at them, it doesn't matter. If he were to come home to you lying on your shared bed, waiting for him in nothing but thigh-highs, expect him to be between your legs for hours worshipping you.

Tags: @aethersghoulette @crowleys-poppet-queen-of-assgard @rosefairyirl @duchessvonfingerbang @care-a-lot-comfort @imkloeyjarvis

...Totally didn't already losse half my legs! Good thing I still have a hooman form to turn into! 🕷️❤️🥰😍😘☺️😉😌😁😳😇😅🥺🥹✨👉🏻👈🏻

Hewwo! Guess what! I became a bird mommy to a beautiful () female crow just this morning and she's a precious, very non-aggressive and super chill sweetheart! 🕷️❤️🥰😍😘🥳😁😌😉😳🥺🥹☺️😇✨👉🏻👈🏻

A spider raising a crow.

And here I believed I have seen everything.

What kind of pets would the creeps/ slender brothers have?

Slender

Slender likes birds and cats.

He has a grey parrot that Offender rescued and then gifted to him.

He was a little touched at the kind gesture…until the parrot started moaning at 3am from his bedroom.

Through a good few weeks, and many awkward explanations/apologies, Slender got him to repeat more common phrases.

He also has a black and white cat he’s named “Gus” that’s content on his lap or shoulders while he works.

Splendor

Has a giant fish tank in his room.

Lot’s of bright and colorful fish, along with other aquatic creatures that fit in the tank, like crabs, snails, eels, and a LOT of coral.

He’s also tamed a wild squirrel. It’s hiding somewhere in a nest under his bed.

Trender

He wants a chinchilla SO BAD.

They’re so cute.

Or maybe a baby pig.

However, he knows he’s not around enough to take care of one himself.

But he does have a black and white cat that he’s named “Mr. Mistoffelees”, a reference to the Cats musical.

Offender

A giant dog.

Something along the lines of a Mastiff or a Great Dane.

Something just as intimidating as him, but fluffy and cuddly on the inside.

Also loud and obnoxious in the early hours of the morning.

He also has a smol and cute dog, cause ladies love those.

And the pomeranian grew on his heart, too.

He rescued (cough, stole, cough) from one of his lovers home when he saw it was being neglected.

He gave it to Slender after he…started picking up on some lewd sounds.

Jeff

Smile dog, ofc.

Grinny recognizes him as someone who feeds him half of the time (Slender keeps a dog/cat food bowl in the kitchen), but other than that he’s not too fond of Jeff as an owner.

Especially since Jeff cradles him a lot when picking him up, which Griny hates to no end.

Jeff probably has a pet raccoon or smth.

“Ya this is Francine, i found her in da trashcan.”

BEN

I can see BEN owning a share of tarantulas and reptiles.

Something that doesn’t need a lot of light because his room is practically a dungeon.

He doesn’t mind spiders, actually.

He also has a ferret that slinks around on his desk alot.

Eyeless Jack

He likes reptiles best and favors a blue-tongued skink that steals his pillow at night.

But he also has a cute lil grey and brown corn snake that slithers around a rather large tank.

Laughing Jack

Jack loves snakes to no end.

Also rats!!

You can see the conflict.

But he always makes sure they’re 100% safe at all times.

You can occasionally catch him giving w few rats a ride on his shoulders, or a snake coiled around his arm, just vibing.

He has a pet lemur too.

He used to have a big ol’ white tiger and snow leopard, but they were too much to take care of.

Masky

He has a little hedgehog boi.

He fell in love ever since he saw one float on a pond.

And he just knew that he had to have one.

He had a parrot

Hoodie

Hoodie has a little bird that chips every morning at 6:00 to wake him up for work.

She likes to hop around on him while he works from home or sleeps.

And she’s really well trained, all Brain has to do is whistle and she comes flying!

She’s very adorable and loving, and when Tim comes over she likes to nibble on his ear and tussle his hair.

Toby

Toby has…an unusual taste for pets.

He’s the biggest animal lover.

He had a raccoon once, but it didn’t turn out well since it was, indeed, feral as all hell.

He like lizards though, and head a bearded dragon in his room that’s named, “Roberto”.

He also has a pair of fluffy rabbits that are “dating” in Toby’s terms.

They’re both big, chubby, and adorable.

Lost Silver

He’s got a lot of forgotten pokemon running around his room.

(BEN visits alot bc he absolutely loves em)

They’re kind of high maintenance bc they bleed everywhere, but he knows no one else will take them.

And also he couldn’t bear to part with any of them.

It could easily join germany's next topmodel and win the whole thing.

i adore bugs. you're telling me THIS

is a real, living animal. and what is it called?

Gongylus gongylodes

You could still try it, I'm all ears, sweetheart! 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍🥺🥹😅☺️😉😁😌🤣😂👉🏻👈🏻

Does your broken butt fell better today, Sherly? 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍🥺🥹😭😳🥲😅☺️😉😁😌😂🤣👉🏻👈🏻

My posterior is not broken. The majority of it consists of muscles like the gluteus maximus, which you can't really break.

Concerning my bruised non-injured coccyx and sacrum, I might have palpated them when if I had fallen on them. And the theoretical palpation showed no broken or moving parts. No x-ray necessary given that a broken coccyx can't be treated with a cast anyway given you can't immobilise the bone properly.

But of course such a theoretical injury takes some days to heal and several impact points on legs and arms have bruises when you fall down the stairs. Hematoma usually take a few weeks to heal, as well as the pain to lessen. All theoretical, of course.

Your favorite tarantula is back! 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️🥺

So I was in Sweden for two and a half month and it was great! Unfortunately I couldn't access my mobile data (we didn't have wifi) for some reason and whatever I tried to make ot work didn't change anything!

When I went into Tumblr though when I did have wifi (at someone else's place) I couldn't access my old account ( @shame-of-chimical ) anymore so I had to set up a new one.

But I'm happy to be back and I missed you guys (I really missed spending time with Irene, sitting on Jim's nice and warm hand and Sherlock's awesome deductions and scientific explanation about things, but also I missed talking to Harry and the banter between John and Sherlock for example!)

But on that note, hello to @twireneadler, @criminalisticonsultant, @consult-sherlockholmes, @consultjohnwatson , @mrs-hudsons-blog, @mrs-turners-blog, @atamh, @antheaisntmyname, @therealharrywatson, @a-victorian-girl, and @everyone else that I might not have mentioned in my post! 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️🥺😭☺️😌😋😁😉😇🥳

Slender Brothers and Female Beauty Practises Used in the Middle Ages!

What the Slender Brothers thought of beauty practices in Europe during the Middle Ages for Females. Inspired by Haus of Holbein from Six: The Musical XD 

Warnings: Well, Offender’s of course discusses rape so don’t read it if you know its going to make you uncomfortable. As a whole though, they all talk about pretty gross and painful sounding stuff. That’s what the practises for beauty were like at the time. That’s the whole topic. Basically though, if you’re cool watching Horrible Histories then these (Except Offenders) should be okay. 

~~~

Offenderman:

Man, your make-up, wigs and rat fur eyebrows are gonna get wiped off with him. This is not because he’s sloppy… its actually because he doesn’t like the taste. His mouth is gonna find itself in all sorts of places and he doesn’t need to be tasting hog grease on your face, no matter how good for your skin you might think it is! This includes if they used lead for makeup, arsenic, nightshade, lard, or anything else (for this reason, Offender actually avoided much accidental poisoning that way. Of course, this man poisons himself anyway with other drugs). Hair extensions would also go. He did get excited though when he, uh, caught a girl having her late night / before bed routine with blood on her face, though. Like when you get a box of cornflakes and theirs coco pops in there instead.

He was and still is pretty fascinated with corsets though.

Slenderman:

Don’t take this as Slender being ‘ahead of the time’, but the moment he left his forest for a moment and saw women replacing their eyebrows with rat fur and using pee to lighten their hair, he was out of there. No, no. Absolutely not. That’s disgusting and ridiculous. He goes home in disgust and then he laughs his ass off (Cruelly). Like I said, this doesn’t mean Slender was ahead of the time (None of them were or are. They can do their own research, but that can only lead them to be as forward as the rest of the world is- they’re telepathic, not psychic), it just means he was judgmental and thinks the only valid image of beauty is his own. “No Splender I’m not leaving this forest, there are people out there who pluck their hairlines away until they look like what emerges from a hens vagina. With a face.”  

Splenderman:

Splender has been around humans for so long and he pays so much attention (Not out of creepiness- out of care) that he is well aware of the state a human body should be in if it’s healthy and comfortable and how it definitely should not look if it is healthy and comfortable. This means that when people started getting sick and losing the ability to walk too early in life after they started using certain beauty practises, he knew exactly what to blame. And he, of course, tried to warn people when the topic came up and made his views on these things clear to people he knew, these things were kinda… normal?? You know? There wasn’t much he could do. People would just brush him off. Folks always complain about new things, that doesn’t mean they’re bad! Right?

This normalcy barrier though, did not stop our man from being a legit vigilante by night and making sure that various X-Ray clinics (These would be used for hair removal. You got stuck under the X-Ray machine for up to a day and it got rid of your hair… but it also, of course, destroyed your skin) and small cosmetics factories that put arsenic and deadly night shade in their products would shut down. He did this by stealing their equipment and materials and getting rid of it. Splender’s awesome.

Trenderman:

Of course, Trender is a fashion plate and he has always appreciated mortals’ sense of style and art, but he isn’t obsessive about sticking to the trends. He likes to do his own thing, you know? As a rule, he has always backed up his practises with science and his own experience with them, so I’m not gonna lie here. Some of the practises used during the Middle Ages did concern him a bit, aha. Such as the use of radiation for skin care and various poisons (Lead, arsenic, deadly nightshade). He would also take shoes very seriously with anyone he was dressing up for events and have them promise to him that they would excuse themselves from their party or whatever they were attending, for a bit and take off super high heels or too small slippers to let their feet breath and sit normally for a little while. He would go as far as to tell them horror stories about people who didn’t listen to him and couldn’t walk after the age of forty, or got seriously disgusting feet looking feet, or even had to have them chopped off. Yeah, Trender took it seriously.

Using mercury, though (Unfortunately), is not one of the things that concerned him. After the 1800’s, when Trender finally did fall seriously ill from the substance (It took him a while due to his superior immune system), he did of course immediately regret all of his work with it and halted its use in any of his practises. Its one of his biggest regrets. He used to recommend it so often to clients… and friends… and he can’t take any of that back. These days though he’s very current and aware to a genius extent on the subject of what’s healthy in the way of cosmetics. He doesn’t play with it at all.