My Top 5 Bleach Women And Why I Love Them: Part 1

What captains think about in their captain meetings

As requested by anon. :)

We already imagined what the espada think about in their meetings. But what might be on the captains’ minds during theirs?

1. Unohana

“Murder.”

“Murder.”

“Murder.”

“I really need to tell Isane what a nice job she did with those pillow covers. They are making all of the patients so happy, and that is so important.”

“Murder.”

2. Kensei

“I wonder what Mashiro is doing right now. Getting into trouble, probably.”

“Ugh she drives me nuts! Why did I want her to be my lieutenant again?”

“And Shuhei had better be working. Not daydreaming about Matsumoto like usual.”

“I need to get back to those idiots.”

“Why is Soi Fon glaring at me?”

3. Soi Fon

“Ugh. Kensei never pays attention in these meetings.”

“Of course, he’s a visored. Associated with Urahara Kisuke, so naturally he’s trouble.”

“I can’t BELIEVE the head captain let those visored come back.”

“Man, these meetings would be so much better if Yoruichi-sama had come back instead of those idiots.”

“I hope she does come back. She’ll see how strong I am. Love me. Be beautiful. Be - SOI FON STOP IT PAY ATTENTION!”

4. Aizen

“If only you knew, head captain, that during this meeting, I have come up with the next eleven steps of my plan.”

“And I narrated my own actions to myself the whole time. Because I am a multitasker”

“Aizen thought to himself. Smugly.”

“I can feel you watching me, Gin.”

“This meeting would be so much better with tea.”

5. Gin

“I will kill you dead, Aizen Sosuke.”

“Now that I know your weakness, I could do it anytime.”

“I could even do it…..right now.”

“But nah.”

“Never hurts to wait a while.”

5. Kenpachi

“This is dumb.”

“I don’t even know what’s going on.”

“Why do we even have these meetings?”

“Instead of meetings, we should all just fight each other.”

“I’d fight Kuchiki Byakuya so hard. That would be so awesome.”

6. Byakuya

“I can feel your eyes on me, barbarian.”

“I am going to have take such a long bath.”

“Hitsugaya is still wearing that scarf. Took the idea from me, of course.”

“I am a fashion icon.”

“Recognize.”

7. Hitsugaya

“Holyshitholyshitholyshit Kuchiki is looking at me.”

“Stand up straight, Hitsugaya. Be tall. Look smart.”

“As tall as you can, anyway.”

“Stop that! No short jokes in your own head!”

“I wonder if Kuchiki would be amused if I told him a short joke.”

“Maybe I should try that. One day.”

8. Komamura

“What an excellent point the head captain has made.”

“He is very wise as well as very strong.”

“I am glad that we can have these meetings so that I can see true leadership in action.”

“I hope that he is proud of me.”

“Maybe one day….he will pat me on the head as I have always dreamed.”

9. Shinji

“I did not miss these meetings. Ugh. It’s like being in school. Only standing up.”

“Like, at least in high school we had desks.”

“Although at least the head captain doesn’t give us homework. Homework sucks.”

“Okay well at least the meeting must be almost over. It’s been…….FIVE MINUTES?!?”

“I won’t survive this.”

10. Tosen

“I hate listening to you speak, Yamamoto Genryusai.”

“All you speak are lies.”

“There is no justice here.”

“There is no justice anywhere.”

“Except maybe with Komamura.”

11. Kyoraku

“I hope Ukitake is doing okay. Looks a bit wobbly.”

“I should go and have tea with him later. See how he’s doing.”

“If Nanao-chan will give me the time off, anyway!”

“Look at all these youngsters. Paying such good attention.”

“Hopefully no one can tell I’m not listening.”

12. Kurotsuchi

“I wonder what Komamura’s brain looks like.”

“If I gave Unohana my new adrenaline drug, would she snap and kill everyone, or just go after Kenpachi?”

“This meeting is going a ridiculously long time. I should make some more time drugs.”

“Maybe one to speed up time for these meetings. And one that stops time, just for fun.”

“Now which captain could I trick into testing them for me?”

13. Rose

“They say that if you imagine the end of a song, it will no longer be stuck in your head.”

“But what if it’s a song you’re writing, and it doesn’t have an end yet?”

“Then I guess it just stays in your head forever.”

“Like pain. And grief.”

“I wonder if bone would make a good guitar pick.”

14. Ukitake

“I’m so glad I felt well enough to be here!”

“A little wobbly, but that is okay.”

“Pretty sure Kiyone and Sentaro are right outside, so if I faint, they’ll come and collect me.”

“I should have tea with Kyoraku later. See how he’s doing.”

“Hopefully I’ll be well enough for that.”

Hello and Happy Valentine's Day to you all! To celebrate, here are some very classy and not at all cheap or cheesy, Bleach Valentines Day Cards brought to you by the Gotei 13 Captains! (Or at least, their Bleach Gree Cards, plus my terrible photoshop skills, anyway... 😅)

Give them to your friends! 🥰

Give them to your enemies! 😈

Give them to your boss! 🥸

 (This is all a joke, please don't do those last two! 😅)

Anyway feel free to use them/give them away to your friends and loved ones, and again Happy Valentine's Day! ☺️

(Special thanks to Bleach Gree Cards for adding all these cards to their blog, thereby preserving them when the website went down!)

Update: The Karakura Kids now have cards as well!!!

BLEACH /  群青爱兰

Also can we appreciate the fact that Kazui actually knows about shinigami (and probably about the Soul Society, Hollows, etc..) because Ichigo and Orihime took the time to tell him about everything. Like…Ichigo was never told about his heritage, and ended up in the situation with Grand Fisher when he was younger because no one ever told him what hollows were. 

But with Kazui it will never be like that, because Ichigo and Orihime want to keep their precious son safe, and that involves letting him know about the world around him.  

Like…Imagine Kazui knows about Soul Society and Hueco Mundo because he’s heard hundreds of stories from his parents about it. Ichigo’s probably told him several times about his first meeting with Rukia, his fight with Kenpachi, how hard he fought to keep Orihime safe. And Orihime probably told Kazui about how she awakened her powers, her healing everybody, her confession to Ichigo. 

And Kazui knowing he’ll always be safe and happy because of how strong, courageous, and loving his parents are. 

A remake of Uryuu's coronation that got side-tracked by me wanting to use the micropen. It's more of an experiment than what I had in mind for it. I could only doodle this month and wasn't meant for sharing tbh. I may have deleted the old watercolor version.

Ninjago rewatches always mess me up because I am now burdened with the knowledge that these two scenes were happening at roughly the same time on opposite sides of town

◤BLEACH WORLD◢

CAPTAIN KUCHIKI RUKIA ver.

I would love to see a fic on this.

What if Renji were the one who initially gave Ichigo his powers?

As requested by our-flame-never-goes-out. :)

Of course, it was Rukia who, in canon Bleach, gave Ichigo his original powers and then trained him in the ways of being a shinigami. But what if it were Renji who was sent to Karakura Town on a supposedly routine assignment, only to find himself losing his powers to some weird human? How would Bleach be different then? 

1. Renji would sacrifice his powers out of “weird-hair solidarity.”

In canon, Rukia’s motivation for giving Ichigo her powers was based partly on not wanting a family of humans to die, but mostly on the fact that Ichigo just looked so much like Kaien. But in this new reality, Renji’s motivation would be based largely on the fact that Ichigo has weird hair, just like him.

(later)

Byakuya: Renji….I understand.

Byakuya: This boy….has weird orange hair that reminds you of your own weird red hair.

Ichigo (bleeding on the ground): THAT was your motivation??

Renji: Hey! Don’t judge me!

2. Renji would follow Ichigo to school (in terrible clothes).

Like Rukia, Renji would stalk Ichigo until Ichigo agreed to be a shinigami. Unlike Rukia, though, Renji would show off his penchant for, just, really terrible clothing.

Renji: Yo.

Ichigo: WE HAVE A UNIFORM HERE, MAN!

Ichigo: Also what are you doing here?

Renji: Being a lot cooler than you, to be honest.

Ichigo: That is just not true.

3. Renji would sleep under Ichigo’s bed.

Unable to fit in Ichigo’s closet due to being giant, Renji would instead just sleep under Ichigo’s bed.

[hollow warning sound]

Ichigo: Where the hell is that noise coming from?

Renji (appearing suddenly from beneath the bed): Ichigo, let’s go!

Ichigo: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN UNDER MY BED?!

4. Renji would still do chores for Urahara.

After all, like Rukia, Renji would need help with his mysterious “powers not coming back” affliction. And so would buy stuff from Urahara’s shop.

Urahara: All right! Your total comes to….sweeping my shop!

Renji: …or I could pay with money?

Urahara: No, that doesn’t feel right.

5. Chad and Renji would send a hollow to hell together.

I bring this up only because I want you to imagine - really imagine - Chad picking Renji up, and throwing him into the air to fight the hollow.

Renji: You are freakishly strong.

Chad: You just watched me swing a telephone pole like a baseball bat.

Chad: This surprises you?

6. Eventually, Byakuya and Rukia would come to arrest him.

I have decided that in this universe, Renji and Rukia have basically switched places: Rukia is the lieutenant of Squad 6, and Renji is an unseated officer. He’s also in Squad 6, though, because Renji still secretly wants to beat Byakuya. Naturally enough, when it comes time for Renji to get arrested, his childhood friend and the super scary captain he admires from afar come for him.

Rukia: Abarai! Abarai Renji!

Renji: K-Kuchiki Rukia, is that you?

Rukia: …

Rukia: You know, it hasn’t been *that* long since we were in school together. Why are we being so formal?

Renji: Well, from my side it’s mostly because of the scary, murderous look you have on your face.

Rukia: That’s fair.

7. Ichigo’s first big fight would be against Rukia.

And he’d nearly lose, too. Because in this universe, Rukia never hesitates to use her shikai.

Ichigo: Ice powers? Do all of you shinigami have elemental powers?

Rukia: How ignorant you are, fool!

Rukia: You don’t even know that my brother, a famous captain, has flower petal powers!

Ichigo: Flowers are basically an element.

Rukia: FLOWERS ARE SO NOT AN ELEMENT

8. In jail, Renji would mostly be sad about losing Rukia.

He just can’t get over how depressing his life became after he and Rukia went to shinigami school. First he ended up in the remedial class while Rukia went to the top, then she got adopted by some hot-shot captain, and then she became lieutenant. And Renji ended up as some unseated officer. It’s no wonder he’s about to be executed, he thinks.

Renji: Maybe if I had trained harder.

Renji: Maybe if I had practiced kido more.

Renji: I just got so tired of blowing myself up!!

9. But Rukia would defect to save Renji.

After her epic fight with Ichigo and 20 minute flashback, I mean.

Rukia: Ichigo, I am on my knees begging you! You have to save Renji!

Rukia: Because sure, he may be a big dumb idiot sometimes, but he is MY big dumb idiot!

Ichigo: …

Ichigo: Man. We’re both so shippy with that guy.

Ichigo: Is this an OT3 sort of situation, do you think?

Rukia: FOCUS

10. Rukia would have to fight Byakuya.

She’d meet Ichigo during his training for bankai, let him know that Renji’s execution has been moved up, and then go off to fight her captain and brother, Byakuya.

Byakuya: Rukia….are you really going to fight me, your brother, in order to defend a scruffy peasant?

Rukia: If I have to, yes!

Byakuya: Respect.

Rukia: What?

Byakuya: I mean I will never let you get away with this.

11. Ichigo would rescue Renji at the very last second.

And then do his best to strike a cool pose on top of the scaffolding…while holding Renji.

Renji: PUT ME DOWN

Ichigo: Dude, I carry a sword bigger than me. I’ve got this.

Renji: THAT ISN’T REALLY THE POINT

12. And would then throw Renji directly at Rukia.

This would not work as well as the opposite did in canon.

Rukia: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU FOOL?!

Renji: OH MY GOD I’M ABOUT TO KILL RUKIA

Ichigo: Wait, why did I think Rukia could catch Renji?

Ichigo: Oh well I’m sure it’ll be fine.

Bleach characters, Ichigo has decided to quit being a soul reaper and go to college instead! Your reactions?

As requested by anon. :)

Hisagi: Awwww….I kinda *liked* the universe.

Soi Fon: Kurosaki is abandoning the fight now? Ridiculous.

Soi Fon: If he had learned the importance of duty and assassination when he was little, like a normal child, this would not be happening now.

Urahara: Actually, children in the human world learn things like coloring and counting! Not murder!

Soi Fon: No wonder humans are so weak.

Chad: Ichigo, I support education, but are you sure you want to *completely* give up being a soul reaper?

Chad: When you lost your powers, you were not happy.

Ishida: Plus, the universe tends to need you, Kurosaki! You have obligations!

Orihime: Maybe you should go on doing both school and shinigami stuff? We’ll help!

Ichigo: Guys…I was basically never in class during high school.

Ichigo: Being a shinigami is too much of a time commitment! So if I want to do college, I need to just do college.

Keigo: I-Ichigo…

Keigo: You…

Keigo: YOU REALLY ARE A NERD!!!

Ichigo: Shut up.

Byakuya: Kurosaki Ichigo, you do not need further schooling to achieve success.

Byakuya: Merely tell people that you are a noble. 

Ichigo: Yeah…being a part of a dead noble family from the afterlife doesn’t do much in the human world, Byakuya.

Byakuya: Humans are more barbaric than I realized.

Rukia: Hmmm….I’ve never been to college…

Rukia: It sounds fun!

Ichigo: W-what makes you think you’ll come??

Rukia: Because you always need me, fool!

Grimmjow: I don’t buy it, Kurosaki!

Grimmjow: You love fighting too much to give it up!

Grimmjow: The first time you see a hollow, your shinigami instincts will take over!

Ichigo: Naw. I’m probably gonna be a shinigami for the rest of my natural life and then for eternity in Soul Society.

Ichigo: I think I can handle taking four years off.

Grimmjow: WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH KUROSAKI?!?

Ulquiorra: All of you, enough. Kurosaki Ichigo is a human. He is allowed to lead a human life.

Ichigo: Uh….thanks, Ulquiorra.

Ulquiorra: He will most likely be dead before he manages to finish four years of anything, after all.

Ichigo: …

Ichigo: Thanks so much.

I hope you don't mind but your post about your Ginrei story got me thinking about what a meeting between him and Ichigo would look like. It'd be explosive at the very best but maybe not as bad as everyone fears since Ginrei has experience dealing with short-tempered brats and Ichigo has experience dealing with strict old men considering his zanpakuto is one. Byakuya would still have a mild panic attack though.

For Ginrei, it would depend heavily on the context of their meeting. I cannot imagine Ichigo giving even a single shit what Ginrei thinks. I can see Byakuya getting all worked up about it, but on the other hand, at least Ginrei isn’t picking on him. Some possibilities:

Middle of giant battle, Soul Society is in shambles:

Ginrei: Ah, look at this brave and noble youth. A credit to the humans. We must support and protect him.

Everyone is at a Squad 10 Barbecue for Some Reason:

Ichigo: Yo, Byakuya, can I borrow your scarf? I need it for an impression I’m doing of you.

Ginrei: Ha, ha, Grandson, he has called you by your first name, such disrespect!

Ichigo: Hey, Old Dude, can you pass me the barbecue sauce? A+ mustache, by the way.

Ginrei: The insolence–! Grandson, where has your adjutant gone? I need him to hold my beer!

Conclave of Noble Families:

Byakuya: As you see, there are more Shiba.

Ginrei: I loathe the Shiba.

Byakuya: I know. Everyone knows.

Family Dinner:

Rukia: Hello, Grandfather! This is Kurosaki Ichigo, who is my boyfriend in this scenario. He is 15 years old, has orange hair, and is a human but sometimes also a Hollow, a Fullbringer and/or a Quincy. He has never brushed his hair in his entire life.

Ichigo (wearing a t-shirt that says “Be Gay, Do Crimes”): Yo.

Ginrei: I’m going back to my lake house.