Something About Them Makes Me Violently Ill But Also Filled W Euphoria

a bit spicy, but hilarious nonetheless.

super-duper whizzer centric! third person hovers him the whole time, plus, worrylesswritemore is a damn icon and I have been both cackling and sobbing at their fics (if you want more I can scrounge around).

!!!!! DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY WHIZZER-CENTRIC FANFICS?? istg ive been looking but i cant find any

when encountering William Shakespeare….

-write the thing that critics are calling the greatest thing they’ve ever seen

-get invited to the queen’s castle

-get knighted by her

-get told by her that Shakespeare is Not any good Not any good Not any good Not any good and that his plays make her vomit

-get told by her that nothing is as good as your musical omelette

-boast about this to him while aggressively tap dancing and singing

9!! Part 9!!1!1! >:0

-

Evan: You actually rank you're friends by their appearance???!

Jared: Calm down, number 2.

-

Alana: Everyone, synchronize your watches!

Connor: I don't know how to do that.

Evan: I don't have a watch?

Jared: Time is a construct.

-

Evan: Apparently, we're getting someone new in the group. (Miguel)

Zoe: Did you steal them?

Jared: New or used?

Evan:

Evan: Wonderful responses, both of you...

-

Zoe, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Connor, pulling out an Uno card: +4

Jared, pulling out a Pokemon card: Jolteon, I choose you.

Evan, trembling: What are we playing

-

Connor: Can I be frank with you guys?

Jared: Sure, but I don't see how changing your name is gonna help.

Evan: Can I still be Evan?

Zoe: Shh, let Frank speak.

-

Alana: You know those things will kill you, right?

Jared, pouring another glass of whiskey: That's the point.

Connor, smoking a cigarette: We're trying to speed up the process.

Evan: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*

-

Connor: On a scale of "damn Daniel" to "fre sha vaca do", how are you feeling?

Zoe: In between "It's an avocado, thanks" and "how did you defeat Captain America", but as a solid answer I would say "I don't need a degree to be a clothing hanger". How about you, Jared?

Jared: Probably "Road work ahead"

Alana: I speak many languages. But this

Alana: This is not one of them

-

Evan: How did any of you not hear what I just said??

Connor: I've been zoned out for the past 2 and a half hours

Zoe: I got distracted about halfway through.

Jared: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

-

Zoe: I think we're missing something...

Evan: Teamwork?

Alana: Cohesion?

Connor: A general sense of what we're doing?

-

Zoe: Yo is Jared sleeping, or dead?

Connor: Hopefully dead, I hated his guts.

Evan: Ah, same.

Jared: Okay, first of all fuck you-

-

Zoe: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Jared: Not if they consent to it.

Connor: Depends on who your stabbing.

Evan: YES?!?!

-

Alana: Why's Jared so sad??

Zoe: So he took one of those 'Which character are you' tests.

Alana: Go on

Zoe: He got Evan.

-

*Squad reactions to being told "I love you"*

Alana: Thanks fam!

Connor: Oh no.

Zoe: *Cries* I love you too

Jared: Sounds fake but okay

Evan: *A flustered mess*

Miguel: Can I get a refund?

-

Evan: Croissants: dropped

Alana: Road: works ahead

Zoe: BBQ sauce: on my titties

Miguel: Shevacado: fre

Jared: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead

Connor:

Connor, grumpy and tired: I didn't understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

-

Alana: Just be yourself!

Connor: Be myself? Alana, I have to one day win Miguel over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Evan: ...Couple weeks.

Zoe: 16 years.

Jared: Jury's still out.

Connor: See, Alana?

Connor: "Be yourself". What kind of garbage advice is that?

-

Evan, walking into his apartment: Hello people who do not live here.

Jared: Hey.

Alana: Hi! :)

Zoe: Hello.

Evan: Guys, I gave you the key to my apartment for emergencies only.

Connor: It was an emergency

Connor: We ran out of doritos.

-

Zoe: Hewwo.

Alana: Hihihi!

Evan: Hello, humans.

Connor: Three kinds of people.

Miguel: I want pudding.

Connor: Four kinds of people.

Jared: WHAT'S UP FUCKERS?

Connor: Five kinds of people...

-

Evan: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?

*After Good 4 You*

Alana: Nope, absolutely not.

Connor: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.

Zoe: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.

Miguel: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.

Jared: Can't wait to go to you're funeral knowing I could've changed that outcome.

-

Evan: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be stuck forever in that position, forced to starve to death?

Jared: How should I know?

Zoe: You say, as if we don't use you as a source of information on the occult.

Jared: *Sighs*

Jared: You wouldn't be stuck.

-

Evan: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life

Jared: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Evan: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Connor, high as a kite: edible

-

Evan: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Jared?

Jared: ...No.

Connor: I do.

Evan: I know, Connor.

Connor: I'm sad.

Evan: I know, Connor.

-

Heidi: So, how was your day?

Evan: We almost got surprise-adopted.

Heidi: What..?

Jared: We almost got kidnapped.

Heidi: Oh, okay.

Heidi: *Slams on breaks* wAIT, WHAT?!

Part 14, lol (DEH Incorrect Quotes)

Connor: Funny story, I used an energy drink in my coffee this morning instead of water.

Evan, extremely concerned: And.. how do you feel?

Connor: Oh, my heart stopped beating about two hours ago.

-

Evan: Mufasa’s death scene made me cry again…

Jared: Aww, it’s okay. He’s not a real horse. He’s a cartoon.

Evan: horse?

Evan: HORSE?

Jared:

Jared: Okay, in my defense, I’ve never seen it.

Evan: IT’S CALLED THE L I O N KING!

-

Connor: I love making short jokes about Jared.

Connor: They go right over his head.

Connor: *Dying with laughter on the floor*

Jared: It wasn’t even that fUCKING FUNNY-

-

Jared: My sarcasm has reached a dangerous level, where even I can’t tell if I’m kidding or not.

-

Connor: What the fuck are you doing?

Jared: *Spreading toothpaste on toast*

Jared: I’m multitasking.

-

Connor: Damn! We were so close to having Valentine’s Day on Friday the 13th!

Evan: There’s always next year?

Jared: No, you have to wait seven years! One for each day of the week!

Alana:

Alana: I hope you guys say these things just to mess with me, because holy fuck

-

Jared: I am going to cry, this is a threat.

-

Connor: It’s 2020, why don’t banks just have the slogan “It’s Common Cents” yet?

Jared: I say we demand change.

Zoe: These puns caught my interest.

Evan: Stop. Please, just stop.

-

Jared: Fuck, I want to die!

Evan: Language!

Jared, annoyed: Heckity heck, I want death!

Evan: That was NOT any better!

-

Jared: Well, looks like it’s time to move on to plan 2.

Zoe: Don’t you mean plan B?

Jared: No, because that would insinuate that I only have 26 plans.

-

Evan: Ah yes, my train of thought. Or as I like to call it: The Anxiety Express!

-

Jared: Alright.

Connor: Fine.

Jared: Splendid.

Connor: Spectacular.

Jared: Terrific!

Connor: Marvelous!

(In the Background)

Evan: What are they doing…?

Alana: They're mad at each other, but they still want to talk, although neither will admit it.

-

Jared: What did I do to deserve this? I’m a good person!

Connor: You once pushed me down the stairs because I made a joke about your height.

Jared:

Jared: I’m a good person most of the time.

-

Jared: *Staring at literally nothing, zoning out*

Connor: What’cha thinkin about?

Jared: When normal dogs see police dogs, do they think “Oh no, the cops”?

Connor:

Connor: Do you ever look at your boyfriend and ask yourself how and why you're dating him?

-

Evan: *Picks up his phone* Hello?

Connor: It's Connor.

Evan: Ugh, tell him I'm not here.

Connor: No- it's Connor on the phone right now.

Evan: oH-

-

Zoe: What's everyone going as for Halloween?

Evan: Superman :)

Connor: A clown.

Jared, to Connor: So then we don't need to actually buy you a costume, right?

-

Evan: Connor, I am questioning your sanity...

Zoe: Really? I never questioned it, I knew it was gone from the start.

-

Evan: How is Spring not everyone's favourite season? The trees are PINK, guys!

Jared: But also, y'know, allergies and shit.

Evan: But pink.

Connor: Also it's fucking hot out.

Evan: PINK.

-

Alana: I know you love him.

Jared: I am NOT in love with Evan!

Alana, staring at him and smiling: I never said who.

Jared: *Realizes*

Jared: Shit. Well, anyways-

-

Evan: Uh, Jared, I'm afraid.

Jared: Just stay close to Connor?

Evan: No, you don't get it.

Evan: That's why I'm afraid.

-

Zoe & Jared: *Accidentally set the kitchen on fire*

Jared: We need an adult!

Zoe: But you ARE an adult!

Jared: We need an adultier adult! Go get Alana!

-

Evan: Uhm.. how do you- like- ask someone out?

Miguel: Well, first-

Connor: Don't ask him. He asked me out in a McDonald's parking lot.

Miguel:

Miguel: ...And yet, you said yes?

-

Jared: So. What's the plan?

Zoe: I don't know. Your smart, *Points at Connor* he's mean, come up with something.

-

Evan: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and…

Jared: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.

Evan: Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said…

Jared: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

-

Jared: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Connor: *Sigh*

Connor: Why.

Jared: To get to the dumbfuck's house.

Jared: Knock knock?

Connor: Who's there.

Jared: The chicken, dumbfuck.

Connor:

-

Alana: Evan isn't talking to me...

Jared: Enjoy it while it lasts.

-

Zoe: Evan is in trouble.

Jared: Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I'm being honest right now.

-

Connor: Larry has no idea that I'm high.

Larry: Your high?

Connor: Oh, sorry.

Connor, leaning toward Zoe: Larry has no idea that I'm high.

-

Miguel: Connor and I were walking down the street, and this guy drove by and honked at us.

Zoe: What did you do?

Miguel: Well, he chased him to the next red light, and reached his window, and-

Connor, walking in: So, who wants a steering wheel?

-

Connor: I really like Eminem.

Jared: I prefer skittles.

Evan: He was talking about the rapper.

Jared: Why would you eat the wrapper????

-

Alana: Wow! Evan made you cry?!

Jared, tearing up: Yes. He said some mean things that are only partially true.

-

Jared: Evan! What the fuck did I tell you about lying?

Evan, looking down: That it only works on Cynthia...

-

Jared: Is there a fucking cactus where your heart should be?

Zoe: What's up your ass this morning??

Evan: *Walks in* Uh.. hey.

Zoe: Hm. Nevermind, disregard that last statement.

Jared: wAIT NO-

oh andrew rannells character types. how i love you

Reblog to let your followers know that despite your current obsession your previous obsessions still exist and are simply lying dormant until they awaken and strike again

STOPP my mom just had a whole ass conversation with me like two days ago where she tried to explain that a relationship would fall apart without sex. and without sex, you're partner holding someone's hand on kissing someone else is the new sex.

NO. actually. not true guys. if I ever do have a partner in the future, them fucking holding someone's hand won't bother me. it won't be done with romantic connotation. they are allowed to breathe─ just because if I ever want a relationship I wouldn't want it to be sexual doesn't mean it doesn't matter? or it matters less??? buddy.

i didn't have "i'm broken" teenage asexual angst i had "i'm literally being the only reasonable one about this concept and the rest of you are behaving like fucking freaks" perception issues

!!!!!

the curves the lighting the face shapes the expressions the poses I LOVE YOU I LOVE THIS

from the requests, baseball game!! this was actually so fun i got to be all loose and sketchy about it good time must say

andrew as hedwig portrait because he slayed so hard in this role

late but

happy Trina Thursday! and also Jason Jfriday 😎

happy whizzer wedensday,,, whizz,,er ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh whizzer i love.yuo,