Incorrect Quotes Are Nice

STOPP my mom just had a whole ass conversation with me like two days ago where she tried to explain that a relationship would fall apart without sex. and without sex, you're partner holding someone's hand on kissing someone else is the new sex.

NO. actually. not true guys. if I ever do have a partner in the future, them fucking holding someone's hand won't bother me. it won't be done with romantic connotation. they are allowed to breathe─ just because if I ever want a relationship I wouldn't want it to be sexual doesn't mean it doesn't matter? or it matters less??? buddy.

i didn't have "i'm broken" teenage asexual angst i had "i'm literally being the only reasonable one about this concept and the rest of you are behaving like fucking freaks" perception issues

I've been thinking about this recently 😭

"life is lonley, life is rotten, and thankfully short, thankfully short, thankfully SHORT!"

"...like Marvin!"

and

"Short insomiacssssss and a teeny-tiny band!" how I love you

also I am just constantly thinking about Chip Zien's Marvin, almost every hour of every day. thank you

Chip Zien: *is in a William Finn musical*

William Finn writing the lyrics: 🎶 He is SO fucking SHORT 🎶

I secretly wanted to get the killer but this'll do

I don't know who to tag lol anybody who wants to, join :D

pov: you’re in a horror film

1. Create your own look here

2. Find out what role you are here

I was tagged by @willowmckinley and I’m tagging @thylacinedream and @magically-with-magic

MORE DEH INCORRECT QUOTES HAHA!!! (Mostly Kleinsen; Warning lol)

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Jared: Hey, are you okay?

Evan: Yeah.

Jared: You don't look okay...

Evan: Then stop looking.

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Evan: Why are you drinking?

Jared: I drink when I'm depressed.

Evan: But you're always drinking?

Jared: *smug grin*

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Jared, trying to comfort Evan: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

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Miguel: I am in charge of this disaster!

Connor: I have a name, you know.

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Jared: I have issues.

Evan: Finally, you admit it! The first step to redemption is to accept-

Jared: With you.

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Jared: My only talent is being stress.

Alana: Don't you mean stressed?

Jared: No.

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Evan: Are you ever going to listen to me?

Jared: Yes. Absolutely.

Evan: When?

Jared: When you're right.

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Connor: You have your weirdly sincere humility.

Jared: I prefer the term "self-loathing", actually.

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Jared: What? I'm not aggressive!

Evan: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips?

Jared: Survival of the fittest, bitch.

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Evan: Why are you on fire?

Jared: This is just how my day is going.

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Evan: Dammit! You ruin everything!

Jared, finger-gunning: Your welcome.

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Jared: *Seductively takes off glasses*

Jared: Wow...

Evan: *Blushes* Haha... what?

Jared: You're really fucking blurry.

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Miguel: You remind me of the ocean.

Connor: Because I'm deep and mysterious?

Miguel: No, because you're full of salt and you scare people.

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Miguel: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell!

Connor: *Struggling to hold a seagull* Fucking say that next time!

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Connor: I’m sad.

Miguel: Don’t be sad, because sad backwards is das.

Miguel: And das not good.

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Jared: Wanna get out of here and grab a bite to eat.

Evan: I don’t usually eat with losers.

Jared: Neither do I but I asked you, didn’t I?

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Jared: Remember what I told you.

Evan: 'Don't be a cunt.'

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Jared: Hey, you wanna tarot card reading?

Evan: Those are Pokemon cards-

Jared: You got a magikarp.

Evan: ...

Jared: It means 'fuck you.'

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Evan: Pardon the intrusion, but-

Jared: On this moment, or just my life in general?

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Connor: I can never give Miguel shit because I’m jealous of him. He looks at his life and says, “Sweet! This is perfect!”

Connor: I look at my life and say, “Welp. Time to get drunk.”

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Evan: How much did you spend on this date?

Jared: $1400. But all of it's on credit cards, so it's like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years.

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Jared: You’ve got to learn to love yourself.

Evan: But don't you hate yourself.

Jared: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.

"a healthy fruit is not to eat til' it rots!"

this lyric plagues my nightmares because what in the fuck did trina mean by this in the obc?? and/or am I even getting this lyric right??? or is my brain just demented

It's Quote Time Again (P- pt. 10? I think?Dk)

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Jared: Do you consider me your friend?

Evan: Uh, yeah. What else would you be?

Jared: I don't know. An embarrassment? A way to rebel against Hedi? A desperate cry for help? The list is endless.

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Zoe: Oh my god, Evan! Those pants look great! And I bet they would look even better on Jared's floor!

Jared: Did

Jared: Did you just hit on Evan... for me???

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Connor: I'm thinking of a number-

Zoe: 420.

Connor: No, that's so fucking immature of you. Someone else guess.

Jared: 69.

Zoe: He literally just said-

Connor: Yeah, it was 69.

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Evan: Mom, do you know anything about emails? Specifically how to fake them?

Heidi: Emails? Evan, what is this for?

Evan: . . .

Evan: Fun

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Alana: Do you want to talk about it?

Jared: No, I just want to cry and watch memes.

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Zoe: I had a dream that we got in a huge fight.

Connor: Who won?

Zoe: Me.

Connor: Yup. Definitely a dream.

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Mark: We got a divorce.

Heidi: No, we messed up a perfectly good son. Look at it, it's got anxiety.

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Alana: What does BDSM mean?

Jared: Being Dead Sounds Magnificent.

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Alana: Why are people so caught up in top or bottom? Honestly, I would be super happy just to have a bunk bed!

Connor:

Evan:

Zoe:

Jared: I'm gonna tell her.

Zoe: Don't you dare

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Evan: When was the last time you ate?

Jared: Food is a social construct created and perpetuated by large scale agricultural interests.

Evan: It's... it's really not.

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Connor: It's hard to be the gay cousin, the emo cousin, and the family failure, but someone's gotta do it.

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Alana: You should really get over Evan, Jared.

Jared: I'd rather get him under me.

Alana:

Alana: Touché.

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Zoe: I dare you to kiss the next person that walks in the room.

Connor: Eh, no. That's stupid.

Miguel: *Walks in* Hey, anything cool happening in here?

Connor: Okay, well maybe I'll do it. Rules are rules, y'know...

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Evan: Have you ever had a partner?

Jared: Nah.

Evan: Wha- how?!

Jared: *Shrugs* I dunno, never asked, never got asked.

Evan: *Under his breathe* But your kinda really hot though..

Jared: What?

Evan: What?

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Jared: I fucked up. I fucked up,

Evan: Why? What happened?

Jared: I fucking fell for someone.

Evan: Damn. Must be someone really special for The Insanely Heartless and Cold Jared Kleinman to fall for them.

Jared, glaring at Evan: Yeah. Real special.

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Connor: Miguel is out of town, I'm cutting off all of my shirt sleeves.

Alana: ...Why?

Connor: He's pretty much, like, %90 of my impulse control.

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*SQUIPed Jared AU bcz I felt like it*

J's SQUIP: Straighten your back.

Jared: My back will be as gay as I want it to, fuck you.

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Evan: Kiss, marry, kill: Me, Connor, Alana

Jared: Kiss Alana, marry you, kill Zoe.

Zoe: I wasn't even on the list, what the hell?

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Zoe: Settle a bet, what day is it?

Jared: Friday?

Zoe: Well, well, well, looks like none of us got it right. This idiot thought it was Tuesday. *Looks at Connor*

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Evan: I look back on being 17 and think:

Evan: "Oh my god, how did I not die?"

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Evan: Why would you give Connor a knife?

Zoe, the tired younger but more mature sibling: He felt unsafe.

Evan: Well, now we feel unsafe! *Points to himself and Jared*

Zoe: I'm sorry,

Zoe: Do you want a knife?

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Connor: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Evan: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.

Jared: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.

Alana: My life is a little too much imagine and not NEARLY enough dragons.

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Novel Evan: Okay! Step one of being popular: Be straight.

Novel Jared: *Exists*

Novel Evan, bi panicking: Okay! Failed step one!

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Alana: When I was small-

Jared: *Snorts*

Jared: "was"

(He likes to feel tall)

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Novel Evan: I'm pretty good at hiding crushes!

Novel Jared: *Walks in*

Novel Evan: I have to gay- I mean go

the falsettos modern au is just

whizzer, texting from work: hey I want the 🍆🍆🍑 2nite. K? 😘

marvin: okay

and then whizzer just comes home and marvin is sitting at the dining table reading whatever old men read in their free time and in front of him lies not one, but two grocery bags full of eggplants and peaches.

and whizzer is just. too stunned to speak.

thank you for your time

Help

what have I done

literally my day whenever my mom isnt home omg

"mom's not home, you know what that means" walks around the house talking to the imaginary audience for three hours straight

bmc fans, get those squips out

and don’t forget the fucking mountain dew red for worst case scenario