Taiisdelusional - Titled

You wouldn’t think that flamingoes are extremophiles just from looking at them. It’s like somebody tried to build the vertebrate equivalent of that fungus that lives inside nuclear reactors, and ended up with a gangly pink dinosaur with a spoon for a face.

we should abandon the current US government system and replace it with the ranking system in warrior cats don’t @ me

Had a woman bring in her ferret for an exam and when I went into the room a second ferret poked its head out of her bag. In delighted surprise I exclaimed “oh you have two!” and she immediately responded “yes, I’m a small business owner”

Have to admit it took me a second

i hate it when game devs put “fixed several issues” in patch notes 

no. tell me what you fixed. i wanna know what the glitch was.

you know those patch notes that are like “fixed an issue where if the player sat in a bush for too long, they’d become the size of a skyscraper” 

i wanna read those. tell me those. 

if u ever see me posting something cringe or embarrassing i didnt that was my evil twin my doppleganger

I learned how to love myself when I chose to love humanity. 

me when they call my name at mcdonals (i am approaching the counter)