Good News! You're An Animorph! Bad News! You Didn't Know About The Two-hour Limit And Got Stuck In Your

they should let me into nasa so i can discover a new planet and name it ecto-1

Random thought: SSC is probably like, absurdly low-key ableist

Lego Lancer Blackbeard

i dont think i ever posted this here but i adore the idea of splicing together bumper stickers

GO GO GADGET CASTIGATE THE ENEMIES OF THE GODHEAD

within the day this gets reblogged by vex and corsair with their infinite followers and my phone turns into a high frequency blade with the notifs

this is what i get for being funny i guess

lancer has done things to me

i used christ-the-buddha as an expletive in front of my parents. i'm finished.

In your opinion, what is the most fuckable Lancer frame?

Dusk Wing, windmill slam.

Now some Lanceblrs are probably gonna call me a basic bitch, but let me explain my reasoning here.

Now I'm a monsterfucker. I like fucking monsters. And we can all talk about fantasies and shit but if I'm gonna take a mech's dick - and I am, I'm the bottom in this scenario and I'm planting my flag right now - it needs to be Size 1/2. I'm sorry, but no human body is capacious enough to accept the schlong of a Size 1 mech. I don't care if you've been training on Chance XLs your entire adult life, the GMS Standard-Pattern Size 1 fuckpole is meant for mechs of its own size class only. My pelvic floor would disintegrate upon touching it. It's a non-starter. Size 1/2s only.

Unfortunately, this restriction leaves me with a distressingly small stable of viable mechs, some of which are instant disqualifications.

The Caliban is right out the window, immediately. It's not a machine intended to be an image of man fucking large. It was never meant to thrust across the battlefield erotically to affect a greater orgasm. It is a tool designed to kill human beings very, very quickly. The Caliban is married to the job, and the only ejaculations it produces are 8-gauge buckshot. I'm going to confidently put it down as asexual. Also, the awkward arrangement of its hips would produce deeply inadequate thrusting.

The Kobold is clearly into BDSM, and specifically, waxplay. The Kobold likes to cause you erotic pain by dripping molten fluids all over your naked, trembling body, and don't get me wrong, that's hot - but we're talking like 900 degrees hot. I want my body to burn with forbidden passion, not to actually catch fire because it's covered in superheated chemicals that shouldn't ever touch. Besides, their spiky carapace feels like it would be a problem for some of the positions I want to try.

The Napoleon and I actually dated once and it didn't go very well at all so he's right out.

Now you'd think on first glance that the Atlas is the perfect fuckbuddy - anthroform, roughly the correct height, weight and shape, and possessed of those athletic, muscular arms that can just pin you down while going to town on you. That's all well and good, but he's so painfully boring. All he ever wants to do is fuck missionary, and his idea of aftercare is watching Demon Slayer. I can't. I just can't.

The Goblin wouldn't return my calls. After the third try, it just texted me this:

0S1R1Smaxx1ng: girl fuck off harrison iii just added me to a group chat

Now, that leaves the Dusk Wing, which fortunately for us presents several advantages.

Firstly: hands. Six of them (at bare minimum). You know how hot it is to be pinned to the wall by your wrists, your ankles and STILL get your tits and ass groped? Those hands are dextrous and surprisingly gentle, and when those fingers go in your mouth, you can bite down hard without hurting your jaw or chipping your teeth.

Secondly: comfort. The Dusk Wing is based off of old EVA hardsuit designs, built for ergonomics, so a lot of its non-armored sections are made out of flexible polymer that doesn't chafe against your skin. The armored sections are smooth composite. There's no spurs or spikes, no jagged or protruding elements, and no crush hazards. Heat rejection systems mostly point backwards from the mech, which might be a problem if I wanted to be on top, but we've already established I don't.

Thirdly: memetics. I'm an absolute freak for mind control, and the Dusk Wing can make me feel like I'm being fucked by sixteen of itself at once. It can squeeze my tongue and whisper its name to me and make me feel like me and it are the only things in the entire universe. It can show me myself climaxing over and over and over and over and over and over.

I hope this excessively answers your question.

All billionaires