I'm Curious About The Potato Luck, Perhaps Tomorrow I Shall Be Granted A Most Bountiful Supply Of Frogs

These weapons I make, the weapons I attach to myself, they're for self defense right? They're only a precaution right? Only two blades and a blunt object. That's where it'll end, right? Why do I feel like the more I make weapons, the closer I get to wrapping my hands around the grip of a glock? Am I turning myself away from my empathetic and gentle origins? I don't want to hurt people. I don't like it when people get hurt. Not usually. If I make more weapons am I only putting up the barricade around me with a door for friends or will the wall block out everyone? I don't want to be alone again.

So many weapons that could be made, and yet I don't know if I could even get myself to use them. I don't know if I could willingly put a blade through someone's flesh or bash a blunt object against someone's skull. Am I turning myself into a danger?

If I let myself strike someone, how long until I can strike at the ones I love without remorse? I need protection, I know, but how much is too much?

When do I wind up going too far?

09/13/2024

At around 11:25 pm

It was a nice man and his friend who I decided to help get to a destination since they were stranded. The nice guy was saying how he had been having a terrible day earlier while I was just getting gas. It was mostly all fine, just awkward as they hailed from a different type of town. Probably in a gang of some sort. They asked if I was into weed, but I declined. When I got to the destination I declined payment from the nice man and he got out of the car. His friend said something, probably implying something dirty, but I was too dissociative to fully register it or think about it. He attempted to reach for my chest from the back seat. I stopped him. I should've made him pay more than $5 for every time he attempted to get me to kiss him with his words. He tried to kiss my cheek after giving me the money. He got out of the car. He told me I was pretty.

Nothing truly happened that night but I was nearly groped and was harassed. I don't even know if this could count as SA at all. It made me shakey when I got back home. I needed to get the smell of the men out of the car so I just doused everything in as much perfume as I could handle. The smell burned my nose and stung my lungs. I couldn't be that touchy with my partner, not when the image of his hands reaching from the back seat was still in my head. It's just a really bad memory, though it was two days ago.

I swore to myself the day after that I wouldn't let the ignorant man make the word "pretty" a venomous thing. That I wouldn't let myself entirely break down. I have weapons and not weapons in my car now, and on my body. Two items created by me, and one item originally for cutting paracord. I'm still shaky and weak. I'm still recovering from the bad memory from three days ago, still calming down.

I refuse to let cruelty take my heart, though I'm more weary now of who I should help. Who I should let in my car. Hopefully this world changes for the better soon.

So. Y’all.

These posts about how trans men’s fears about being treated like breeding stock with forced pregnancy and breastfeeding is aCtuAlLy privilege because trans women can’t give birth? And if trans men talk about ‘throwing away’ the ability to make babies it’s really just trans men ‘rubbing’ having this particular set of reproductive organs in trans women’s faces?

I need you to take several fucking seats and even more fucking minutes to reevaluate yourselves.

1: Forced pregnancy is not a fucking privilege and, for some of us, could be debilitating or a potential death sentence.

I’m a disabled trans man and due to some medical issues, I’ve been told since I was a pre-teen that I cannot ever have a ‘natural’ birth. It would destroy my already fucked up body and put me back into a wheelchair and through several more surgeries, all of which are ill advised because, and this brings us to another issue…

“JuSt hAvE a C-seCtiOn.”

Well bozos, being allergic to a wealth of medications including ANESTHETIC DRUGS kind of makes that super dangerous for me. I’ve had a total of three major surgeries in my life and each one resulted in complications because of the anesthesia, and my surgeons all said ‘avoid needing surgery if you can’. Even localized anesthetic is out. (Which is why I’m also one of those non-passing trans men y’all love to claim doesn’t exist! Try getting a doctor to sign off on top surgery when you’re a known liability! Oh yes, that must be part of my mythical male privilege too!)

I’m not the only trans man in the world with medical issues that make pregnancy dangerous. So check your ignorance and your ableism. And none of this even takes the most basic issue into account.

2: Let’s call ‘forced pregnancy’ what it really is. It’s rape. Some of you are expecting us to accept rape as a ‘privilege’. Some of you are even cheering for it.

If I have to explain why that’s a problem? Yeah, no, I’m not wasting my time at that point on you.

Rebloging because I'm scared shitless

Some of yall needed to hear this

Credits to @/mattxiv on Instagram

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EXACTLY!

it really hurts me to see so many gazans asking us for help, though that's through no fault of their own. they've been forced to use a social media site that they're probably not familiar with (because tumblr has kind of faded out of popular consciousness), to interact with us in a second language, to distinguish themselves from the scammers who are taking advantage of genocide, and to ask strangers for help. i don't think there are any cultures where it's easy to ask for help like this, but i'm intimately familiar with how humiliating it can be in arab culture. please be kind, gracious and helpful to the gazans in your inbox. this is a desperate time for them, and in addition to the physical danger inflicted by "israel", the prices of basic resources in gaza are extremely high due to scarcity, and those that manage to escape to egypt are financially exploited by landlords there and have an extremely difficult time finding work due to their unofficial status as refugees. these families will continue to need our help and i hope we can all continue to provide it to the best of our ability.