“Chicken Groin.”

They are now talking about wearing his friend

Convesation between my mum and brother

Brother: He was in the way so we killed him

Mum: You killed your friend in his sleep?

B: It gets worse…

M: …

B: …

M: …

B: We skinned him.

M: …

B: We needed the leather!

"Is that an actual certified citrus fact? Hey that's my band name."

"I've been having horse flashbacks..."

I respect your right to want to fuck mothman

"Can you overdose on starch?"

“That’s a pretty gender neutral way of killing someone!”

-Me, not making nearly as much sense without context

“Need I remind you of your grandmother’s murderous intentions?”

-Me, probably about to get murdered by one of my friends grandmas

"I'm so lonely... SHIT I FORGOT TO EMAIL THEM BACK!"

"Moles are slowly killing me..."

There is literally no difference between 4 and 3. You stop these lies