It’s On The Mouse - Barmaid Edition

sunrise (fairytale ending)

zakkura week. pt2 of sponge.

mornings were for cloud to make sure zack still loved him.

pet his head, comb fingers through hair then use them to trace all the scars and bruises.

just for him to appreciate his love in the comfort of their bed.

first class suites were spacious, lavish. cloud had gotten used to their comfort by then.

the light from the rising sun, coming segmented through the blinds, hit zack's face golden.

the light in his eyes was an alarm, making them flutter open and greet cloud's smiling face cherishing him.

“good morning, zack,” said in a whisper, “are you still sore?”

when he shook his head, the black spikes of his hair rubbed into cloud's chest.

he hummed. 

zack didn't speak much in the mornings, only cloud knew that, his brain was still whirring from sleep on the shore between dreams and reality.

cloud's words were all that grounded him in this state. it was almost too easy.

“i was gentle with you, wasn't i?”

inclining his head to kiss the top of zack's, his thumb circled bronze skin where the sun didn't reach, the touch stimulated and relaxed him all at once.

zack sat up, but seemed ready to rest his head on the other's shoulder and be out like a light.

“hey, cloudy.”

his soft murmurs always, without fail, thawed cloud's heart.

it reminded him that it was all worth it.

everything he did, to keep that gentle voice and bright smile all to himself.

his lips were soft but flakey as they kissed along zack's jaw, down his neck, across his chest.

everywhere. 

cloud could spend the entire day kissing every part of zack, but he made a point to only kiss over where he'd made marks, watch him squirm.

“you slept like a baby, you know?” his lips soothed over the hickeys decorating the base of zack’s neck, made haphazardly and possessively, scattered drops of blood. “no bad dreams?”

“no, none.” zack’s speech gained clearness, coherence, seemed he was finally waking up. “it’s like you said, spike, i don’t get them after we…”

“mhm, because you’re too worn out for nightmaring. your mind doesn’t have the power to torment you anymore,” cloud explained. well, he was lying, but it counted for an explanation nonetheless.

the mystical and proven cure to zack’s depressive, horrific, guilt-ridden nightmares was to let cloud fuck his mouth, then swallow his release.

or for cloud to fuck his ass. anything worked as long as it got cloud off— sorry, as long as it tired zack out. which was inevitable because yes, cloud was putting shit into zack’s drinks. too little for zack to pass out five seconds into giving head, but enough to lose consciousness sometime after they were done.

of course his nightmares had stopped in his sleep, he wasn’t even sleeping, his brain was shut off.

that was cloud’s little secret, though, that and the many others. crafted to protect zack, pull him out of his sadness, make him smile again.

zack needed this, or he’d be back to the weeping husk of a man he was before cloud, hugging his knees in a corner as he looked between his buster sword and the blood on his hands.

cloud thought that was a waste of his valuable SOLDIER time.

white lies never did any harm.

“i’m so happy, zack, i really think you’re getting better.” 

holding his hand, holding his chin, planting a sweet kiss. their tongues touched, only a little, and cloud was able to taste himself from the previous night before he pulled back. brisk enough to beg for more.

“yeah, cloud?” there’s the cute grin cloud loved. “it’s all because of you.”

 zack accredited his healing to the other boy with all the sincerity in the world. such a good boy. 

“you saved me.”

his soft, dark mess of morning hair was held out of his face by cloud, allowing him to see it. the gratitude in his eyes was gloss, making blue shine all the brighter. this sight, just for him. cloud had earned it.

“i know, i did.”

quarter to twelve. 

cloud looked away from the clock and he was completely sure there was no one who adored him more.

no one in the entire world.

-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-❤︎-

My whole life:

- Wake up

- Breathe

- Junko

- M a r t y  R o b b i n s

- 4:00 Dr. Phil

- I would let Judge Judy slap me

- gmod till like 3 am

- sleep

- repeat

christian rock bands are a backbone genre in the amv scene

Idk why I'm falling back into danganronpa out of nowhere but as much as I dislike the DR ending and don't care for the bonus mode in V3/Danganronpa S those Komahina approaches truly made me see shrimp colours. Incredibly funny to barely give the SDR2 cast anything to do in the finale besides save Mitarai's ass but make an effort to show komahina not just getting along but also having Komaeda be the one to reach out to Hinata without self deprecation and being met with excitement back. Paired with that one poster where Komaeda seems to give him a romantic gift. Then you get V3 bonus mode which poses the question "how would Nagito treat Hajime if he knew he was reserve course without the war crimes?". And then every single interaction they have they spend the entire time antagonising each other, mostly Komaeda looking down at him and Hinata taking the most irritated approach to "kill them with kindness" imaginable. But do they dislike eachother? No they're very close friends. They hang out without other people around. In SDR2 pre-chapter 4 the animosity between them was mostly one-sided but now it's mutual. Hajime has made it his mission to befriend the most unapproachable fucked up cat imaginable and Nagito is practically writing him a note saying "get out of my school" to avoid having to wonder why he genuinely likes this talentless boy. They hold hands? Everyone is confused about why they keep hanging out and they're just like "we're friends????? Obviously??? Don't be dumb"

Fully convinced post-OVA the main reason they grow close again is because on one side, Hajime was so persistent with his almost competitive way of showing Nagito he understands him (and is planning to stick around) VS. Nagito suddenly being the one classmate who keeps him humble and doesn't treat him like a God (while undeniably preferring the real Hajime, even though people would assume he would cling to the Izuru side). They're childish and overly competitive with each other and get on each other's nerves but they also understand each other better than anymore else and give each other the love and care they missed previously in their lives

i will take 8 million bad yaoi over x readers any day. i am in the fujoshi cuck chair i dont want the focus on me.

tgck au in which Himiko is a normal high school girl (she is pretty much the same, shes not a villain tho + her big bro is Jin) who despises heroes until one day an accident happens in her school and UA students come to save the day! Since then she became Uravitys biggest fan-

As for Uravity... She just cant forget that girls smile

Both hoping to meet each other again-

And they will!

Just... A few years later

(Part 2 soon)

The ambivalence of life: the massage metaphor 

I'm going to get straight to the point: Denji is perfectly right to want to suffer - it's precisely what he lacked in his 'normal' life.

To understand this, let's go back to the chapter.

Introducing Denji as a CSM wannabe right at the start of the chapter isn't as insignificant as you might think, because this chapter helps to differentiate between CSM and a CSM wannabe.

After all, Denji could very well be one, and chapter 150 makes it clear that the protagonist's dream is to be a CSM, so he literally wants... to be a CSM.

But in order to become CSM himself, we have to understand what CSM is. And that's precisely where the difference lies between a CSM wannabe and Denji as CSM.

Part 2 has repeatedly shown that 'CSM' has become a marketing product, an idol for young people, a source of detestation for others, like express usurpers who have taken to the stage. In short, CSM's identity began to become more diffuse, questioned to the point where it seemed to escape Denji. So what is CSM? 

Well, let me ask you this: what's the first thing you think of when I mention CSM?

Most fans will cite the most traumatic and tragic chapters, shuddering at the mere mention of volume 9. There's your answer: suffering is the secret of CSM's identity. 

But let's move away from this more meta side, and get back to the chapter. 

I know that Nayuta being pushed aside and put in her place stung some people's hearts and it hurt me too! But Denji is right to push her away, cruel as that may seem. Because the complexity of Denji and Nayuta's relationship also lies in the fact that their relationship can have several negative sides.

Firstly, Nayuta is and remains the demon of control, a demon who can't help but have a hold, even over those she loves. And she has done this with Denji on one occasion: when she forbids him to see Asa again.

She forbids it out of a desire to protect him, fearing that Denji will be taken in by yet another girl. This reaction depresses Denji, but he regains hope by acting as CSM, motivated by Nayuta herself because CSM is admired and loved by people. The first instinct at this stage would be to think that this is a bit contradictory: why push Nayuta away when she's the first to admire and encourage CSM? 

Because she hasn't grasped what CSM is all about either. I'll expand on that later, but for now, keep in mind that suffering is intrinsic to CSM. Even when she prevented Denji from continuing his story with Asa, she was preventing Denji from suffering, in itself, from experimenting. The same experience can be just as beneficial as it can be negative, and it's part of the game of life not to know the outcome of a relationship, otherwise you wouldn't go with others.

And that's what Nayuta has done, the demon of control has a happiness that's enough to be two, it's a demon that risks being alone so much that a single loved one is enough to make her happy. But that's Nayuta's idea, not Denji's. 

Tumblr

This chapter is an equation

You: ooooooookkkk Loulou not only are you late but now you see 'plus' in the chapter name so Fujimoto magically becomes a mathematician Wel

I'll come back to this a bit more, but for the moment I'm still going to follow the chapter. Denji almost comes to thank Barem and the others for burning down his house and his pets, but he's also aware that morality is being undermined and even talks to Pochita about it. And that's fascinating. 

Even though it may seem horrible, the loss of his animal family allows Denji to realise that he needs this suffering in his life, for many reasons. If Kishibe judged Denji as a man made to kill demons, it's because suffering makes him gloat, because it's the most intense experience he's had in his life.

Transforming himself into a CSM is a way for Denji to confront suffering; he has even internalised it since he was a child, making his body suffer to pay off his debts.

CSM is a creature made for suffering. When Aki became possessed by the Gun Devil, CSM was the culmination of Denji's suffering, his demonic form killing his brother. Just as Denji transformed into Pochita was saved by a dying Power.

The foundations of Denji, Aki and Power only consolidated Denji's relationship with suffering. This double facet, between love and suffering through grief. Pochita is another example, because becoming CSM was followed by an experience of mourning, the loss of Pochita who had merged with him. 

Suffering is as intrinsic to all species as are death and love because suffering is the result of both, the love we have for others is the cause of our suffering when they die.

CSM is this universality, with Pochita sacrificing himself to prevent Denji from dying, suffering every time the cable is pulled. And instead of fighting it, CSM uses it as the engine of his chainsaws. When Nayuta says that this is not the time for chainsaws, she wants to prevent her brother from suffering. But Denji understands that it's precisely when he's suffering that it's time to be CSM. 

Having your head and arms brutally chopped off hurts, fighting demons hurts, in short, transforming into a CSM physically hurts and must hurt. Imagine having a cable cut in half across your torso: it hurts, so why pull it? That's why Denji IS CSM, because it's when it hurts that he realises he wants to be CSM? 

Hybrids don't exploit this pain, demons like the Eternity Demon are even afraid of it, and that's what explains CSM's superiority: suffering exalts him and he uses it as a means to fight. When Quanxi cut off the weapons' heads, it was enough for them to admit defeat, while Denji calmly puts his head back on, not giving up the fight. 

Weapons can't die, but they can see others die, just as suffering can't escape them either. Either they see themselves almost as demigods, as prophets, or they can see themselves as great knights out to save the world.

Denji knows how to exploit his nature; he drinks blood at the slightest opportunity, tries to devour like a demon and is not afraid to use it, unlike the other hybrids. (Quanxi is an exception)

As the spear weapon starts to provoke CSM by saying to really scare them, CSM exploits being sliced in half. Suffering is the fear of weapons.

The whole thing also has a symbolic force, because we've been trying endlessly to cut Denji in two, his human life on the one hand and his life as CSM on the other. Cutting CSM in two won't do him any good, all he has to do is pull his cable.

But above all, the comparison with massage is a very good one, because it sums up life, this combination of good sensations and not-so-good ones. This is precisely what pitted Denji against Makima, that bad films or bad facets of the world and humanity must exist.

This time, part 2 doesn't boil down to this ideology; what Denji is saying is that to live is also to suffer, to be happy is also to have been unhappy. All these things are not mutually exclusive, they go together. 

That's why Denji wins against the weapons, because he won't fight against the suffering they'll put him through, he'll use it to the full, knowing that behind it all there'll be a good feeling. And that seeing the positive side even in pain is nothing other than hope.

Denji himself says that life is a superposition of all these facets. There are things we may never get over, but they don't stop us from moving forward. That's why this chapter is incredible, because Denji doesn't accept suffering as a demon when he's fighting, he wants to accept it in his life too, Denji's life, he has to experiment without Nayuta's permanent approval. 

Denji has lost many people close to him, including his pets. It is precisely through their loss that he wants to suffer. Because suffering is the privilege of the living.

Chainsaw Man is nothing more than 2 entities reunited to survive together.

CSM's laughter is symbolic of this, and chapter 151 made an explicit reference to chapter 82 when Makima starts laughing despite the paroxysm of suffering for Denji, who has just seen Power die. What Fujimoto does is bring together the previous antagonist and the protagonist, to bring out the essence of his work.

Both Makima and Denji laugh despite the horror of the situation as the mask finally comes off, Makima presents her plans and Denji realises what Chainsaw Man is. In short, laughter is the symbol of letting go, as the mask finally comes off. And all this sums up Chainsaw Man, this confrontation between comedy and tragedy, this strange association.

Readers, don't fight the suffering of the characters either, you're reading CSM precisely because of it. You want to suffer just like CSM. So have fun with it.

This pic goes hard feel free to rb💯💯💯

HOT AUTISTIC ADULTS IN YOUR AREA ARE UNSURE IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO THEM...CLICK HERE TO ESTABLISH CLEAR INTENT

My mother asked me when I emerged from my room at 1 AM, digging in my little orange bottle of combined zoloft and ibuprofen, “Why do your teeth hurt?”

Well you see mother, I need braces. And I can’t afford no braces. And when you need braces but you can’t afford braces, your teeth start to fight for dominance every once in a while, and the only thing you can do (if you can’t afford braces) is to take an ibuprofen and hope they get tuckered out by the time you wake up for work in the morning.

oh my god oh my god oh my god my teeth hurt so bad