To My Fellow Survivors Who Weren’t Believed, Were Dismissed Or Invalidated. 

and is your shame helpful? is it inspiring goodness and change? or is it keeping you frozen in time unable to move on and be everything you have expanded to be?

Artwork Copyright © Tyler Spangler

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a lot of the people you guys are calling narcissists could easily be replaced with the word “asshole”

how avpd might impair your ability to process information/cues when in social situations

avpd can cause hyper-vigilance

this means you are constantly scanning for danger

because you are constantly scanning for danger, you might pick up on incidental actions of others and reinterpret them as rejection (for example thinking everyone who laughs in your earshot, must be laughing at you, when it isn't the case*)

because you are constantly scanning for danger, your processing systems in the brain become flooded and overwhelmed

this means there are no capacities left to actually process the impulses in depth -> everything ends up being labeled a threat

only option left -> withdraw to a safer space with less impulses

alternative, if you don't withdraw: you are then left with a flood of vague sensations that you are not safe

if you are constantly scanning for danger, you are expecting dangerous social cues. this leads to a chance for misidentifying things, overthinking, etc...

as your anxiety goes up you become overwhelmed -> the capacity to process information goes down: a stressed brain is bad at thinking

in this anxious state, everything gets labeled a threat in a scattered way

fleeing environment confirms what you already think about yourself: "you're an anti-social weirdo who can't socialize" -> more shame and embarrassment

this makes you search for even more proof next time you're in a social situation

this cycle is self-perpetuating

🌀VICIOUS CIRCLE! 🌀

coping mechanisms like trying to calm yourself down by thinking about what you're have for lunch later, etc... might even make things worse, because you are not there in the moment, might appear absent-minded, scattered, which can lead to actual rejection or negative reactions from those around you.

this then confirms what you already think: "people hate you, etc..."

i took these notes while listening to this podcast: Avoidant Personality Disorder - Sensitive, Vigilant and Socially Anxious. i really liked the breakdown of the cognitive processes, because they perfectly map onto my behaviour. the podcast is for therapists by therapists and unfortunately didn't offer much in terms of what someone who is suffering with avpd can do, to counteract this. it was more about advice for therapists. however, it was still a great insight and i recommend giving it a listen. especially the first 35 or so minutes that offer different explanations for what causes avpd and how it shows up in people.

*just an addition here: those of us who have been through bullying know that sometimes people are actually laughing at you. if you've been through it before it obviously makes this worse imo. but still, people laughing now, are not laughing at us. especially strangers. and even if they are, it's important to have skills to deal with it and not let it worsen our mood, make us anxious, etc...

- 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚣𝚊𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚑 𝚜.

i am not having a mental breakdown i am simply Evolving

depression tips™

shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.

moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over. 

put on clean, comfortable clothes. 

put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.

drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.

clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink. 

blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something. 

make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.

go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.

cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. take pictures of them. talk to them. tell them how u feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out.

I think the hot new trends for this summer should be reading comprehension and critical thinking skills