That Comment About How You Should Not Borrow Grief From The Future Has Saved Me Multiple Times From Spiraling

“Childhood trauma trains us to anticipate other people's needs while ignoring our own. As we heal, we rediscover ourselves.”

— Thema Bryant, PhD

32

”What’s it like?” Perpetual confusion. A simulation of what it’s like to be a chameleon if emotions and personality traits were colors. Periods of suspecting people close to you are plotting to hurt you or have hurt you on purpose. Being aware of everything around you at all times. Remembering what you’d rather not. Torching the wrong relationships in spectacular fashion by lashing out and falling back into isolation despite wanting to escape it. Not knowing what emotion you’re experiencing or how to process it, and sometimes it’s like roulette. Assuming others’ intentions and meanings to be hostile or unkind because why would someone be nice to you? The persistent sensation of “otherness” no matter where you’re at or who you’re with. Disconnection with the world around you.

There is no enjoyment.

turn ur do i deserves ~into~ do i wants

I did the best I could with the amount of time, energy, and knowledge I had in the moment. I am a part of nature; like crashing waves or seasonal fruit trees, I will not be perfectly consistent. I am not failing or falling behind, it makes sense why it didn’t work out. I didn’t have the resources or people that I needed to complete that thing successfully. I will find them. It is everyone’s first time living and we are all learning how to navigate it together. I forgive it all.

Thanks🥺💕

If someone is critically watching your every move in order to punish, judge and shame you, it's because THEY are abusive, not because YOU are a bad person.