Clark Kent’s Guide To Getting Ur Bf To Take A Break

Now we know where Damian got it from

16-year-old Bruce Wayne trying to be sneaky

Alfred: [stops by Bruce’s door because he hears talking] “who are you talking to?

Bruce: “uh, no one!” [shuffling noises]

Alfred: [closes his eyes and counts to 5] “I’m coming in, be decent”

Bruce: [laying in bed partially under the covers, he is shirtless] “hey Alfred”

Alfred: [raises an eyebrow at the obviously large lump under the blanket next to Bruce] “who is that?”

Bruce: “who? There’s no one here, Alfred”

Alfred: “that lump under your blanket, master Bruce. Is this what we’ve come to? Blatant lying and sneaking people in?”

Bruce: “no?”

Lump moves

Bruce: “this bed is very bouncy”

Alfred: [strides over to rip the blanket off]

Bruce: “Alfred wait, please I can explain-“

Alfred: [rips off blanket revealing a black lab who is happy panting. It’s tail immediately starts thumping at the reveal]

Bruce: “he’s my friend! and and I am already planning on rejoining him after I find the right person and I gave him a bath, he has a name, and uh, look this collar? I bought for him today. He even has a leash to go with it-oh! Look [gets up and grabs bandanna from nightstand] “he even has an outfit!”

Alfred: [slow blinks] “I was expecting a person, a girl or a lad”

Bruce: [freezes] “nono, no person or uh boys? Definitely no boys- uh um…”

Alfred: [staring at the dog in shock] “master Bruce, I will be completely honest with you I did not expect this”

Bruce: “I feel like your expectations were actually too high”

Alfred: “where did you get this dog, Bruce”

Bruce: [looking down] “I might have stolen him…”

Alfred: “I’m not going to even ask, I sure you had your reasons… please, just don’t do this again”

Bruce: “… if I were you I wouldn’t go in my bathroom then”

Cat suddenly meows loudly behind bathroom door

Alfred: [leaves the room]

What if Bruce actually gives the best hugs but barely anyone (except Cass, Alfred and Dick) knows this. Bruce thinks he sucks at hugs because no one ever asks for them.

YOOO WHAT, dude you're not gonna fucking believe it but that's literally the first headcanons I ever wrote in my headcanon list, wait let me get the actual thing I wrote

Here it is, anyway Bruce is a great hugger and his family wishes he would hug them more

Villain: Come and fight me!!

Spiderman: Alright but make it quick

Villain, sneering: Why? City not important anymore?!

Spiderman: No bro, ᵢ gₒₜ ₕₒₘₑwₒᵣₖ

Villain: Oh sorry bro, this can wait. Go do your homework.

Spiderman: You sure? I mean, I can-

Villain: Nonononono go do your homework

Spiderman: Really, it's fine. I can jus-

Villain: gO dO yOuR fUcKiNg HoMeWoRk!!! EdUcAtIoN iS iMpOrTaNt Or ElSe YoU'lL eNd Up LiKe Me!!

Spiderman: Ok then I'll definitely do my homework

i have never seen a character more suited for collared shirts under hoodies than timothy jackson drake

they are the hottest

Tony: Kid, why do you have bruises on your neck??

Peter, too embarrassed to say that he fell down the stairs: ummm... hickeys??

Tony: the fu- KEENER GET YOUR SORRY ASS HERE RIGHT NOW!!!

Peter: wtf???

bruce’s 2022 resolutions

grouchy city boy visits the kent farm

young bruce wayne has the same energy as natasha romanoff but especially when she makes pop culture references in her jokes and then awkwardly explains it bc he does that with gen-z and the justice league

I know this is off topic but the cup!

Also I love this whole conversation and I need more

Yea I like truth serum Bruce Wayne but what I really want is truth serum Bruce Wayne that makes him say the first thing he thinks. No filter. Meaning he’s either just roasting the hell out of himself the whole time or being genuine

Bruce: [sips his too hot coffee] “try waiting a minute you fucking moron”

Bruce: [nearly drops phone] “almost ten years of ninja training and you can’t even tell”

Bruce: [eating his breakfast]

Tim: “hey Bruce, still having side effects?”

Bruce: [looks up] “they’re only side effects if I squint, otherwises I just seem sarcastic and cynical”

Dick: [takes a selfie with Bruce] “what do you think?”

Bruce: “we look like shit”

Dick: “yea, we do look like shit” [deletes photo]

Bruce: [steps in water wearing socks] “I hate being alive, it’s not worth it anymore if this is the trial I have to face”

Alfred: “just take off your socks”

Bruce: “I’ll take you off my will”

Damian: “I wished you leave me alone”

Bruce: “and I wish I knew how to communicate with you properly”

Damian: “yea, because I’m so difficult”

Bruce: “because I love you and I want to be the father you deserve”

Jason: “I fucking hate you!”

Bruce: “same. Wanna make a club?”

Jason: “… wait can we?”

Bruce: “see Jason’s got more self control than me, because if I killed somebody then I’d just kill everybody. Equality, am I right?”

Bruce: “god, I’d wish you’d kids stop stressing me out”

Tim: “well sorry we can’t be perfect”

Bruce: “who said you aren’t perfect? I love all of you so much I feel like I can’t breath sometimes”

Clark: [wearing a new dress shirt]

Bruce: “you could get it”

Clark: “what?”

Bruce: “I said what I said”