I Made Another One...

The batkids are so interesting because like Jason's a daddy's boy, Cass is a daddy's girl, Damian’s a daddy's boy, Dick likes Selina more, Duke would rather have his actual parents back but Bruce is nice and he's very very thankful, Babs loves her dad thank you very much, and Steph is reluctantly and unwillingly a daddy's girl.

But Tim? Tim's an older brother's boy. Don't get him wrong, he loves Bruce! He wishes him only the best, really. But Bruce could quite literally be having a mental breakdown and Tim would fix it, because that's what he does, he fixes Bruce’s problems, but it's not personal, it's business.

But with Dick? If Dick's hello-hug lasts for thirteen seconds instead of its usual fifteen, Tim's immediately all up in his business. What's wrong? Are you upset? Who upset you? What upset you? Can I help? No, tell me what's wrong, I'll fix it.

Tim's neurodivergent fanboy ass met his childhood hero and immediately glomped onto him. Dick's first mistake was not turning him away—the moment he let Tim into his apartment, whether he knew it or not, he just gained a little brother.

"But Alfreeed. I'm trying to look cool in my sunglasses ☹"

Bruce Wayne isn't Batman, he once tried to take a screenshot of a crack on his phone and you're trying to say he's the World's Greatest Detective?

Reasons why Bruce Wayne can’t be batman

Bruce Wayne can’t even control his children, you expect him to control Gotham’s criminals

when you are forced to listen to your classmate at lunch read their 300k word batman smut fanfic and know you have to go home and look ur dad in the eye

Jim Gordon: do you realize how fast you were driving?! I can only look the other way so much!

Batman: Brazilian free-tailed bats can fly at speeds up to 99mph

Jim: just…just try not to do it again

Batman: the rocket on the batmobile is supposed to mimic the tail of a Brazilian free-tailed bat

Just watched the batman and holy shit batman 🤧

Now we know where Damian got it from

16-year-old Bruce Wayne trying to be sneaky

Alfred: [stops by Bruce’s door because he hears talking] “who are you talking to?

Bruce: “uh, no one!” [shuffling noises]

Alfred: [closes his eyes and counts to 5] “I’m coming in, be decent”

Bruce: [laying in bed partially under the covers, he is shirtless] “hey Alfred”

Alfred: [raises an eyebrow at the obviously large lump under the blanket next to Bruce] “who is that?”

Bruce: “who? There’s no one here, Alfred”

Alfred: “that lump under your blanket, master Bruce. Is this what we’ve come to? Blatant lying and sneaking people in?”

Bruce: “no?”

Lump moves

Bruce: “this bed is very bouncy”

Alfred: [strides over to rip the blanket off]

Bruce: “Alfred wait, please I can explain-“

Alfred: [rips off blanket revealing a black lab who is happy panting. It’s tail immediately starts thumping at the reveal]

Bruce: “he’s my friend! and and I am already planning on rejoining him after I find the right person and I gave him a bath, he has a name, and uh, look this collar? I bought for him today. He even has a leash to go with it-oh! Look [gets up and grabs bandanna from nightstand] “he even has an outfit!”

Alfred: [slow blinks] “I was expecting a person, a girl or a lad”

Bruce: [freezes] “nono, no person or uh boys? Definitely no boys- uh um…”

Alfred: [staring at the dog in shock] “master Bruce, I will be completely honest with you I did not expect this”

Bruce: “I feel like your expectations were actually too high”

Alfred: “where did you get this dog, Bruce”

Bruce: [looking down] “I might have stolen him…”

Alfred: “I’m not going to even ask, I sure you had your reasons… please, just don’t do this again”

Bruce: “… if I were you I wouldn’t go in my bathroom then”

Cat suddenly meows loudly behind bathroom door

Alfred: [leaves the room]

Villain: Come and fight me!!

Spiderman: Alright but make it quick

Villain, sneering: Why? City not important anymore?!

Spiderman: No bro, ᵢ gₒₜ ₕₒₘₑwₒᵣₖ

Villain: Oh sorry bro, this can wait. Go do your homework.

Spiderman: You sure? I mean, I can-

Villain: Nonononono go do your homework

Spiderman: Really, it's fine. I can jus-

Villain: gO dO yOuR fUcKiNg HoMeWoRk!!! EdUcAtIoN iS iMpOrTaNt Or ElSe YoU'lL eNd Up LiKe Me!!

Spiderman: Ok then I'll definitely do my homework