Anyone Wanna Platonically Make Out And Do Drugs?

Grahhh fuck!! I have this stupid desire for human connection!!!!

i go from "i didn't deserve the things that happened to me" to "there is no suffering that I do not deserve" in like 3 seconds

why do i have to be happy for you. im not.

well okay that's not entirely true. im happy that you're happy. i'll always be grateful for your happiness. but jesus fucking christ why why why WHY can't i have the same things you have and why can't you just be mine.

oh well. that's what drugs are for.

I have this silly little feeling in my chest that's making me want to die

I feel like i am years behind the people my age. All the work i have done in the past has lead up to nothing. Amounted to only me rotting in my bed, in my house, with not even the will to go outside because whats the point? I hear people tell me to move on, thats life, i can make new memories, new friends, new places to see. But how can i when all i can do is lament on how different life could have been. When all i do is ruminate on the things ive left behind and how cruel the world is to continuously take it from me, i with a weakened grip. A grasp so light on the new things i have because i know it will just be taken from me again and again. When does it ever stop being so painful? If it will be taken from me, whats the point of having anything at all. I do nothing but deteriorate the things i do have because of this, like a curse of touch. It saddens me. I wish life had been different

and I want to do things. I really do. I want to make friends and go places but. Theres a certain point where it gets just so tiring. Im tired of getting to know people. Im tired of people trying to get to know me. Im tired of being betrayed, being hurt, having my trust misplaced. Im years ahead on this distaste i have towards other people, but im so far behind people my age. I barely know the first thing about insurance. Im not even relatively independent. I have my mother help me on taxes. Fuck im not even doing a real online college course yet. Im not great at drawing. Im not famous. I dont like tiktok, or social media algorithms. I dont like being known. Is there anything I can be that’s substantial in life?

my younger self would have thought of me a disappointment

would you rather be taxidermied or be a wet specimen wait dont leave

i like clingy. i like double texts. i like random calls. i like paragraphs. I love being excited to talk <3