I Dont Know What This Means But It Has To Mean Something.

Hermitcraft season 9 - favourite bits of episode ones!

—

Doc: *gives Scar unbreaking III, mending, silk touch, and efficiency V*

Scar: dude, this is amazing, I’m gonna be able to fully enchant my hoe.

SILENCE

Doc: …what

—

Gem: oh there’s beetroot seeds! I want those, thank you.

Impulse: I’ve never heard anyone get excited about beetroot seeds.

Gem: they’re so pretty! Have you seen em?

Pearl: they are. But that’s all they’re good for. Looking pretty.

Gem: yeah, well that’s all I’m good for too and nobody complains.

—

Beef: You want some balls?

XB: uh…no, go for it man.

Beef (completely innocently): you sure? I’ve got 2. I can give you one.

XB: all…your balls…are belong to you.

—

*Distant sounds of Impulse screaming*

Pearl: are you alright!

[Impulse was slain by Vex]

Cleo: …I don’t know if he’s alright. I think he’s not alright.

—

Pearl: ok, you know what he’s targeting Gem, so we can hit it.

*Vindicator turns around and kills her instantly.*

—

Gem: look, it’s huge!

Pearl: look at Gem finding all the big holes on the server.

Cleo: *lost it*

Gem (completely unaware at what she’s just done): I’m so good at this!

Cleo: *hyperventilating*

Impulse: oh jeez.

*intense wheezing sounds from Cleo*

Impulse: Oh sh— good job Gem, I think you killed Cleo.

Cleo: you can’t do this to me! I’ve got the plague!

—

Pearl (singing): I can show you the world! Weeeeeee! (Jumps off cliff)

Impulse (very concerned): oh she dead!

Pearl (distant): Hello!

Impulse: I will show you the world as weeeelllllllll!!! (Jumps off cliff)

Pearl: oh, hi!

Impulse: *dies*

—

Pearl: oh look! Gem found me more holes.

Cleo: *snickering*

Gem: No, Cleo found this one!!

Pearl: oh, ok.

Cleo: but you found my hole after I used it!

SILENCE…

Pearl: …alright.

Cleo: *cackling*

Pearl: I think Cleo…got that one a little further down the road than it should have been…

Impulse: *snickering*

Cleo: I’m a grown up.

—

Cleo: Hi..?

Doc: Hey!

Cleo: what are you up t— I mean I know what you’re up to but why are you up to it?

—

Ren: guys, I’ve forgotten how to play early game Minecraft. Can someone hold my hand please?

—

Stress: look what I picked up! (Places down green carpet) some decor.

False: ni— from where?!

Stress (laughing): I don’t kno—Oh, the village!

False: You been shopping?! Without me?! You bought a new carpet?!

—

Doc: I’m back.

Stress + False: Welcome back.

False: wait, I thought you were going to bed, it's passed your bedtime!

Doc: Yeah, I asked and I can stay up a bit longer.

Stress: *laughing*

False: Ok, well welcome back.

Stress: *completely lost it*

False: I think it's passed Stress's bedtime too, by the sounds of it.

Stress: What do you mean?!

False: What do you mean what do I mean?!

—

Ren: Excuse me Mrs. False Symmetry.

False: Yes. Hi.

Ren: Hi there. Umm, we—

False: The answer’s no.

—

(Doc and Ren squabbling in the background)

False: Oooooooo

Stress: False, False, False. False?

False: Wait wait wait. Wait wait wait—

Stress (insistent): False. False.

False: Wait, look look. Look look. There’s a fight happening.

(Ren and Doc in the background

-The horse face! I want it!

-No! No, I need it! I need it!)

Stress: What face?

False: There’s a fight.

Stress: What?

False (with glee): There’s a fight about to happen.

—

False (about Stress): She’s not even here yet. She’s probably screaming her head off somewhere.

*distant screaming from Stress*

—

Iskall (about his starter base): it could definitely use a few more flowers. *Places down Stress’s head* It’s flowers.

—

Pearl: Ooo! Sapling!

Impulse: I have one myself.

Pearl: ooo! Apple!

Impulse: ok, we still can’t make a full tree.

Pearl: what do you mean? We can make two trees now. Ooo! Sapling! Three trees! Four trees! Five trees!

Impulse: are we gonna— would you stop it!

Pearl: I’m excited ok!

Impulse: are we gonna just trust in what we’ve gathered so far? Or do we wanna stick around for a bit?

Pearl (whispering): six trees.

Impulse (whispering): Oh my gosh.

—

Ren: Beware. There’s a deep troll that lives underground and shouts at you when you walk by, it’s very disturbing.

Cub: It’s true.

Cleo: It’s probably Joe.

—

TFC: I love it! A floating axe! *picks up floating axe*

*dies to trident*

TFC: And now it’s floating again.

—

Grian (watching Mumbo and Scar boat through a cave on land): they have 8 million subscribers, these two.

Mumbo: Well deserved subscribers, I think you’ll find!

—

Bdubs: Doc, you’ve been out in the desert for days, what have you been doing out there?

Doc: I— well, got full diamond gear and—

Bdubs: Yeah.

Doc: Iron farm. Um…and a villager breeder set up and now—

Bdubs: Oh my goodness…

Doc: I need a donkey so I can build a giant gold farm.

Gem: Doc. I have a tree. And that’s all.

—

Bdubs: oh my love! Ok we’re naming this horse Mí Amoré! Gem, did you hear that?

Gem: That’s a good horse name.

Bdubs: Yeah? It’s Spanish!

Gem: Didn’t know you knew Spanish.

Bdubs: Ok, you were supposed to know that that was actually Italian.

—

Ren (to Keralis): ok, um…if you would please sir…um…would you just please remove my head from my body?

Isklall (with zero hesitation): Yes! *smack*

Ren: NOT YOU!!!

—

Ren: I want his face, is that a problem?

Stress + False in tandem: Uh…

False: ..no?

Stress: Can I have your face? Set your spawn Ren. Ren go over there— *pushing him* to the bed

Ren: Wait—!

Stress: Click it. Click the bed Ren. Click. The bed.

False (sitting back casually): This is a real face off.

Ren (now standing on the bed): But I have much things!

Stress: Click the bed!

Ren: Wait a minute—!!

Stress: CLICK THE BED!!

—

BONUS THINGS

•The entire “Matador” “Matress Store” “Master Door” bit

•The whole Stress with the wheat arch which eventually culminates in Doc banning her from going anywhere near wheat

•Joe’s entire episode solely because of the sheer comedic value of him just minding his business and planting his crops while all hell breaks loose around him

•How many Hermits does it take to trap one sheep in a hole going on in Beef’s episode (and apparently the answer is SEVEN)

•The smash cuts in Gems episode. Her saying that she went to the Nether with Impulse and going “It went really well!” Smash cut to her walking through the portal going “THIS IS THE WORST!” Her going “I’ve enlisted Jevin as an escort to the desert. Jevin was a great escort I swear!” Smash cut to Jevin plummeting to his death.

•That one very specific moment in Tango’s episode where you just hear Stress scream bloody murder before she suddenly just jumps off the side of a cliff with explosions going off behind her like the greatest action sequence ever.

•BEHIND YOU GEM

how did jamies egg crack :o

Annnnd then she proceeded to dash into pyro’s room and freak the fuck out. Also her lil under-the-knee socks are so cuuteee

Bonus: @stangeranfanficion made these pics when i showed them

The kiss runs in the family

Day 10 of 2023

The Grinter

~

Vee - January 10th of 2023

partners in crime

he is photosynthesizing

TF2 HEADCANONS PART TWO ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

I told myself I’d get these up one of these days👍 I finished this list at 4 am last night so none of this makes any sense and every word is more chaotic than the ones before it and no I’m not sorry y’all sighed up for this bs

Scout

-Can understand a good chunk of French but can’t speak more than a few simple words if that, has no clue how he understands it (Spy spoke a good amount of French around him as a baby or something idk)

-Can be just has hard to find as Spy-once you loose sight of him he’s impossible to find if he’s actually trying to stay hidden-Like father like son

-Can and will steal your food-this includes Heavy and Medic-He has no fear whatsoever and has been sent to respawn god knows how many fucking times because of this-And yet he still does it

-Loves scifi movies and comics and if you watch a movie with him half of it is him pointing out random trivia facts because he’s incapable of shutting the fuck up (this is also what happens when you watch a movie with me irl. My grandparents are sick and tired of it. Yes this is even more self projection what of it?)

-has mastered the younger sibling talent of fucking climbing people if it means getting something that’s held over his head. He also bites

Soldier

-it’s impossible to tell if he’s insulting you or complimenting you 90% of the time

-Has stabbed Scout’s hand to the table to prevent him from stealing food before and no one stopped him

-The team has movie nights once a week and Soldier always puts on the same inaccurate WW2 documentary he made himself when it’s his turn to pick-he used to put on 10 hours of the American National Anthem but someone (read: The rest of the team working together) lost (read: Violently destroyed) the tape after the third time

-I said he was from Missouri once in a rp cuz my rp friend and I are both from different parts of Missouri so that’s my hc now

Pyro

-I always hc him as Irish for some reason idk why

-Can casually pick up every merc except for Heavy-He struggles a bit with Medic because that man is pure muscle but they can indeed pick him up

-May or may not be a cannibal-it’s a little uncertain but either way they’re banned from the kitchen and cooking duty

-I’m a sucker for the hc that he does not like water whatsoever-Getting this man a bath is like trying to bathe a cat except somehow even more deadly

Demo

-This may be the impulsive sleep deprivation but my brain randomly went “What If he can see general ghosts because of his possessed eye socket, not just Eyelander or the scream fortress ghosts” so sometimes people walk in on him casually having a conversation with the air. Considering he’s made out with his own organs in his head, this is one of the less weird things they’ve walked in on him doing

-Surprisingly he’s the best with kids out of all 9 mercs, Heavy is a good runner up though and Spy’s not far behind but will never admit it

Heavy

-Accent gets thicker when he’s talking to people he cares about

-Was the one who suggested the movie nights in the first place

-Actually cleans up in the base unlike literally everyone else

Engie

-People don’t realize how unhinged this man is ok??? Anyways he’s a caffeine addict and has developed the habit of pulling way too many all nighters if it means getting work done (like me. It’s 4 am as I work on this list. Help)

-What’s a southern farm boy without a few dozen concerning stories about pushing cousins out of second story barn windows or near drowning fishing story? My cousins lived on a farm when we were kids and they scared the shit out of me I swear there was a new broken bone every summer

-probably once had a sleep deprived mental breakdown on his workshop floor because the sweet tea one of the mercs made him wasn’t sweet enough idk man I’m sleep deprived rn and could really use a southern style sweet tea

Medic

-Mann vs Machine hc that his hometown would rather deal with the robots than having Medic anywhere near them ever again. They want him GONE

-Sleeps like a fucking corpse-You can’t even tell he’s breathing unless you look closely. He even crosses his arms like a corpse

-Will take you graverobbing for a romantic date-gotta get experiment canvases somehow he’s running out of room on the other mercs without them just dropping dead from it all

Sniper

-The opposite of a morning person, but his internal clock won’t let him sleep in ever. The suns up? He’s up! Someone help him

-Has befriended a wild owl and feeds it at night-The offense trio very violently helped him name it (They fist fought eachother over who’s name was better while Sniper spaced out thinking about random gator facts)

Spy

-An adrenaline junkie but will never ever admit it

-Spy can mimic voices to a near perfect even without his disguise kit-he however rarely uses this and instead simply mocks everyone instead because he finds it funny (“This is Scout! Rainbows make me cry!”)

-Wears a corset because I said so-It always matches perfectly with his outfit and underwear too-He feels SO bonita

Bonus since it’s Pride Month

-Scout is gay and so many levels deep in the closet it’s embarrassing-He’s also trans because I said so

-Soldier is trans, bi, and poly :) his list of wives consists of anyone and everyone /j

-Spy is bi and a cis man who wears dresses regularly he’s gnc af and I love that for him he’s my wife now

-Medic is gay and still legally married to his wife they’re mlm wlm solidarity married for tax benefits /j

-Pyro is trans, non-binary, and pan and uses he/they pronouns because I said so

-None of these men are straight ok

-Medic did both Scout and Soldier’s top surgery but both of them instead have overly extravagant extremely gorey stories on how they got their scars

i love making these so much

South Park ref