We As A Fandom Don’t Talk Enough About Badger Going “helicopter, Bitch” Then Picking Jesse Up Like

my friend doesn’t watch mumbo jumbo

me when bdubs

Why doesn’t mitski have a song about how awesome tf2 is

Ooc: I hope this amuses you guys :)

Also why is it so low quality

Class break

Mystery Inc. but it’s the 1890s

Who had late Victorian Scooby Doo on their 2024 bingo card? Hmm?

The idea came to me when I was thinking about Sherlock Holmes and then remembered the iconic mystery solving gang hehe

The TF2 gang in a pirate AU

Scout

Is the quick, hard to catch, messenger.

If Sniper sees something in the horizon, he can yell it down to Scout and he will pass it to Captain Pauling.

Sometimes after getting treasure, Scout will pick out the most beautiful jewels and give them to Captain Pauling, though she doesn't accept them or pretends to accept them and pours them back with the rest of the treasure.

When Engineer orders to let down or roll up the sail, he's the first one to get up and execute his order.

Sometimes tries to steal some treasure for himself, but quickly gets scared off by Pyro who guards it.

Soldier

He thinks he's the captain of the ship, but actually he directly informs the crew of Captain Pauling's orders and is kind of a leader of the crew, not a captain.

He's the one who suggests battle strategies to Captain Pauling. Some good, some bad, some risky...

Just like if he were on land, he watches over the crew, making them finish all the food on their plates, making sure their duties are done, you know all the good stuff.

Makes sure everyone has taken something after a raid, doesn't matter what it is, though it's preferable for it to ne treasure.

Pyro

Helps Demoman with the cannons by lighting and firing them.

Makes sure the oil lamps across the ship are lighted because they're such a firebug.

Also, they're mesmerized by treasure: gold, jewels, pearls...So, they make a pretty good guard for it.

Their job, when the crew stops by an island, is gathering firewood so they don't have rip parts off the ship to start a fire.

No one knows how they do it, but they manage to rid the ship of mice and other pests. Some crew members might find it gross, but Medic couldn't be more thankful, they're making sure the diseases that the pests carry doesn't spread onto their team.

If the crew attacks and raids another ship, they're the last to leave, so they can set the ship ablaze.

Demoman

Is in charge of cannons and and firing them and has Pyro as a helper.

Keeps the cannons in good condition because it's important to him that his team can make effective attacks toward the enemy.

During battle, he not only fires cannons but also throws bombs by hand to hit the enemy in more vulnerable spots.

In close range combat he usually smashes a bottle's bottom and uses the sharp glass to attack or something he made himself, like the Pain Train.

Is responsible for making sure gunpowder is always available.

Either steals alcohol or brews it himself on the ship in big barrels.

Also, is weirdly obsessed with cryptid sea creatures, you know, the Kraken, sirens, mermaids, etc.

Engineer

The one that takes care of the ship and helps with steering it.

Despite it being the 1600s or something, he might find a way to put a motor on the ship to make it more controllable.

Is the one who orders to let down or roll up the sails.

Always carries a map and is responsible for letting Captain Pauling know which direction the wind is going and what weather might await them.

Fixes up the ship after encounters from other pirates.

Breaks up fights or disagreements between the crew and is like their supervisor.

Helps Heavy prepare meals for the crew.

Basically carries the entire ship and crew because he can do so many things.

Heavy

He is your stereotypical big guy who does most of the heavy lifting.

Helps everyone on the ship. Carries the gunpowder for the cannons, helps Medic carry the food, carries whatever treasure they've found or stolen, helps Engie improve the ship, etc.

I also got the feeling like he would be the cook along with Engie. Like, sure he carries heavy barrels around all day, but this lets him relax for a bit.

Is more experienced with cooking soup in big rations, so he can feed the whole crew.

Medic

He is..well..the medic.

Insists on going to exotic islands to find both animals to experiment on and all kinds of fruit, seeds and herbs.

Makes sure his team has enough food to survive and be healthy (He worries most about citrus fruits, so no one gets scurvy)

Each time one of them gets sick he uses the herbs he has found or grown to make tea or some other brew for them.

Has his own slightly cramped office in the ship where he has herb pots as well as animal organs in jars.

When they attack another ship, he immediately gets whatever he can to aid his team with.

Just like Demo, obsesses over mythical sea creatures.

Sniper

He's the one who sits at the very top of the mast, looking out for any other ships or islands.

Once Sniper spots something significant, he lets Scout know and he tells it to Ms. Pauling.

Draws crude maps by observing his surroundings, he later gives them to Engie so he can make them more understandable.

Either has a parrot or befriends seagulls to keep him some sort of company.

Or he eats them, he takes his work very seriously, so he would do anything for him to not have to come down. (Jarate still haunts him, even in the 1600s)

If the weather is okay, he won't even come down from his mast and sleep up there.

Spy

Ok, first, he sometimes disguises himself and signs up for a different crews journey, switching outfits when they stop at a port.

He sails with this crew for, sometimes, months, examining everything they have, both treasure and men.

Little does the new crew know, Spy has a trick up his sleeve. He takes his grey parrot along with him and, upon hearing where this crew is heading, he tells his parrot to deliver a note to his crew where they must wait for this ship and take it over.

Eventually, the two ships meet up, combat ensues as Spy turns on the enemy crew and fights along his team.

Apart from still being a master of espionage even at sea, he would probably also be the team's designer. Like, the designer of everything.

He thought of the flag, helped Captain Pauling pick out her outfit, suggested carvings in the ship's wood, etc.

Insists on stealing antiques during raids.

Has a fancy flintlock pistol that has carvings on the sides of it.

Ms. Pauling

Is the captain of the ship and leads the crew.

Is pretty nice for a captain and seems to really care for the crew, but deep down she knows she can't get too attached.

If there's a storm or another pirate ship heading in their direction, she keeps calm and makes sure her crew is ready for anything. She could probably survive the Kraken.

Her cabin is pretty untidy, filled with maps, books and pictures, and she is the only one who can make some sense of her mess.

Could defeat an entire attacking crew with a piece of her breakfast in her mouth, she does all those moves like swinging mast to mast, sword in her teeth, just badass pirate stuff.

[A/n: before you say something like: "mEdIc WoUlDn'T gRoW hErBs" this is like when there were real pirates aka 1600s ofc there were no modern medicines, herbs were the best that they had, so don't come for me pls]

SPY AND MEDIC PLEASE I LOVE THE ART 🧌

I don't ship them myself, but I do absolutely imagine that everyone on the team is willing to do just about anything to annoy Scout!