Be Like Neil!!

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Things we've figured out about BPD on this blog

So like, i feel like we’ve made some progress conceptualizing some aspects of bpd, a lot of which arent really stated as symptoms officially, so im just gonna summarize some points that’ve been more or less deemed collectively relatable. 

 no concept of units of measurement, applies to time, weight, distance, etc. cannot determine sizes without reference point 

 General no concept of time, memories are not stored linearly, incapable of determining passing time without a clock 

- ‘thought cloud’ thinking, mostly abstract/conceptual where conclusions are drawn from general ideas rather than formulatic logical reasoning, meaning:  A -> ???…C-B-> A -> ??!! AD->B…. = D VS. A -> B -> C = D 

 no object permanence heavily related to relationships with other people, relationship and concept of person vanishes when not interacting, incapable of manifesting a mental image of person when trying recall them, may recall them more as a concept or idea

  maladaptive daydreaming, escapist tendency to live in an elaborate fantasy world instead of real life, often related to a ‘story’ you create of how your life should go where you may play the ‘tragic hero’, confusion results when real life doesn’t line up accordingly to this story 

psychotic symptoms more common than initially believed, including delusional thinking, illusory/hallucinatory things, paranoia, etc. tactile hallucinations, shadow people, insects, dots, etc.

 default perception of vision may be different than normal, colors are brighter, sounds/tastes/all senses are slightly amplified, static or ‘snow vision’ common, objects can warp or melt in peripheral or blurred vision, patterns and textured surfaces glitter, move, or go all trippy, solid colors or empty spaces are perceived as multiple colors simultaneously

 sense of hunger is nonexistent or dysfunctional, hunger based heavily on emotions instead of a physical body response 

  tendency to draw the following: swirls, sky imagery, eyes, trees, circuits, dots, floaty and abstract subject matter that reflects ‘living in your head’, not being grounded, and have an intangible/fractured or ever-morphing sense of identity 

wanting to be sick or clinging to self-destruction as a consistent quality to base identity off of is common, suffering is so ingrained into identity and sense of self that recover is undesirable, wanting to present the image of being fucked up because at least you know how to do that right - black and white/all or nothing thinking is present in literally every aspect of life and logic processing, instinctual way of processing conclusions, thoughts, and feelings only exist on two extremes with no concept of a middle ground, this conflict leads to not being able to decide any aspect of yourself which leads to nonexistent sense of self

dissociative symptoms work on a spectrum, may include varying degrees of depersonalization/derealization, may occur episodic or chronically, and can range from a ‘not entirely there’ permanent mental state to a temporary state of panic where you’re completely detached from reality. the range and frequency of these variations are dependent on the individual 

psuedohallucinatory voices or people in head, may be described as facets, alters, or some other mystery category, can be percieved as seperate entities or different parts of you, conversations with these voices are common and may happen out loud frequently. headmates

“imposter syndrome” very common, where you question the validity/existence of your disorder, question whether or not you may have a completely different disorder, worry about faking it or exaggerating symptoms, want to prove the existence of your illness by getting worse, etc.

lack of sympathy results from excess empathy, because of our ability to feel others emotions strongly, we must put up a wall and refuse to acknowledge other’s emotions at all, for fear of feeling them too strongly and getting hurt in the process. for example, refusal to help comforting someone emotionally, because allowing yourself to do so would make you secondhandedly feel the exact misery they’re feeling that lingers long after the interaction

I must say. I've been feeling more invisible than usual. I, too, am a minority. I, too, have been harassed, assaulted, and sexually assaulted by cops. I, too, have been discriminated against. I wish there were a biracial, first gen, gay role model. Niche market, amirite? Oh, don't forget with mental health issues and an intellectual living in the shadow of a brother with MR. I'm half tempted to just grab my backpack and live in the forest somewhere. Or pull a Margaret Cho, and be my own relatable role model. But instead, I'm scared into shutting down and hiding in my hellscape of a mind.

I was trying to explain this to a friend the other day. I get these premonitions in dreams I can never recall, though I know I dreamt something. It doesn't come back to me until a split second before the event happens as deja vu. Then I dissociate and know exactly what's happening. It makes me believe in reliving a previous universe. That or I'm just batshit crazy. I'm just now coming into my diagnosis as well, but this has happened all my life.

Is it a common schizo thing to have really intense deja vu? I’m not talking like ‘hey I just saw a cat I’ve seen a cat on this street before wow’ but like,, intense “I’ve been here before this has happened before” type of thing? In this exact building doing this exact thing thinking the same thing with the same story/journey/how I got here/ leading up to it. I dunno insight would be wonderful

why do potatoes have more chromosomes than us, what do they need them for??????????

Why are Med students so depressed?

I’ve noticed many of the smartest people I know, mostly premeds and medical students, struggle with depression and have for years. I wouldn’t have guessed if they hadn’t mentioned it. It seems odd to me that they do well academically and seem to have everything under control, but they themselves don’t believe they do. Also, to me, depressed premeds and med students seem like the norm now since I’ve met so many of them…have you noticed something similar? And what do you think may be the cause? -mademoisellepremed

Chronic illness is so different from “regular illness.” No one is running medicine and soup over to your house when you say you don’t feel good. No one is running you to the hospital when you’re crumpled up in pain. Doctors don’t run around you ordering immediate tests and skipping lunch to go over your results. You’re not excused from anything. You’re just expected to go about your life with way less spoons than everyone else has. If you’re in pain, you hide it, because it’s not a rare occurrence. If you need a doctor’s appointment, well the next one’s in five weeks at a time/day that you need to cancel all your plans for. And if you can’t make that one, well the next ones in 3 months. Need some tests done? We’ll order one at a time, and they’ll take a few weeks to have a spot open for you. Then a few more weeks to get the results. Medicine?! You don’t need medicine. You get through school/work just fine. Not like we’d know what to prescribe you anyway. And not like it’d actually help. Have you tried some Advil? Tums? You’ve had this for how many years? You must be used to it. We need to focus on the people coming in with NEW pains. Pains we may actually have a diagnosis for, and not just a coverall name.

are u ever too stressed to do anything like ur literally so stressed that it has reduced u to someone who stares at the wall for two hours instead of doing the things u need to do that will make u unstressed