The Caledonians Expanded Through The Galaxy Thanks To Their Logic And Discipline, Always Following The

Your mom sent you through the forest to bring a cake and a pot of butter to grandma. She warned you about the big bad wolf. You’ve just met the wolf, he’s thinking about calling CPS on your mom for leaving you alone in the dark woods.

Everyone can do magic. Everyone except you, that is. Your aunt and uncle have always made fun of you for not being able to do magic, until one day you received a letter inviting you to a school of “science”, and you discovered a secret society of people who make great things without magic.

Steve: i’m by section

Steve: i’m buy

Steve: i’m bicentennial

Sam: it’s okay, take your time

Steve:

Steve: bucky

Humans Are Weird - Musical Memes

“Attention everyone, this is Captain Xy’lar speaking. I have a very important message from the Earth president for all human crew members which I will now play.”

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna…

The whole (human) crew erupted into loud groans, a few started singing along but most people looked annoyed.

The non-human crew did not understand the significance of this song and why the Earth President felt the need to send this message.

Weird Humans: Supression of basic needs in face of greater goals.

Humans have a history of denying themselves basic needs in face of a greater goals. Some humans become so consumed by their set task that needs such as sleep, food, hydration, and safety are put aside. At The Gathering, one of the largest gaming conventions in Europe, a part of the volunteer crew is tasked with making rounds to check that people are following up on their basic needs for sustenance, sleep, and movement. Certain athlethes will abstain from physical contact, paeticularly sexual contact, to improve their focus before an event. Artists, office workers, soldiers, nurses - allmost every group of humans can bring forth a story, either from personal experience, or heresay, to underline the human ability to repress basic needs for a period to accomplish something.

And then you have the optimized aliens who have seen the light and have structured everything so that they have every need met at mostly any given time. Now, take this alien and put them in a group project with other humans. Who are of a mind to finish everything quickly and then slack for the rest of the allocated time. Because humans are experts at using external stimulants, such as caffeine and nicotine, to supress being tired or hunger. Because college is no joke and humans are good at riding the bullshit wave.

Imagine some haggard student introducing his alien friend to the great Student God: Bullshitticus, and his two lovely muses Thesaurata and Caffeinata. Alien never studied human religious practices and gets awed about the fact that there is a human deity dedicated to writing papers, and his muses are the personifications of a vocabulary and an external stimulant used to forcefully keep people awake. Of course human student is full of caffeine and running on spite and pizza, so they forget to mention that this god is an old tumblr meme (and aliens have actually made courses that study memes) so this Alien edits the Horrendous Human Handbook ™. The knowledge spreads and aliens are baffled. The humans familiar with this old meme will quietly laugh and pretend nothing is wrong, because humans are also masters of waiting to see if shit hits the fan in a hillarious manner.

Spotted a UFO

Everyone is going to die so no-one is left to care