Just Me, Her, (the Aliens) And The Moon

Insult names to use instead of "idiot,"

None of these are actually meant to be hateful, if any of these have truely offensive meanings (such as the r word) that I was unaware of, please tell me so I can remove it! Tried to avoid cursing, but it contains some!

Jerk

Ass-hat

Dumb-dumb

Dummy

Doofus

Dork

Stupid

Moron

Fool

Nincompoop

Oaf

Ninny

Blockhead

Dunce

Imbecile

Jack-ass

Dope

Nit-wit

Numbskull

Simpleton

Twit

Birdbrain

Bonehead

Buffoon

Dullard

Half-wit

Knucklehead

Ignoramus

Dingbat

Dumbbell

Loser

Addlepate

Muttonhead

Cretin

Goon

Pea Brain

Dull Pencil

Mole Rat

Turd

“Someone you haven’t even met yet is wondering what it’d be like to know someone like you.”

— Iain Thomas

Three months ago I pitched an idea for a party game. Today, ‘WHAT THE PLOT?!™’ is a real game and available for pre-order! I am so excited. Thank you everyone for your support!

People really loved my Chef Rodan, so I give you…

Chef Rodan Ramsay!

*PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY ART*

(I had to watch some Gordon Ramsay videos to find all the references… man, I really love him!)

i've seen a lot of different ideas in fics where morpheus has innate knowledge of when hob is dreaming about him, or where he can always see the dreams, or where he's automatically summoned to dreams about himself, etc

but i think i prefer the idea of some poor long-suffering low-level schmuck of a dream who's been forced to take on the appearance of morpheus over and over again for the last 600 years because apparently that's what this particular human wants to dream about (and fuck humans don't typically live this long do they?) and they're too aggrieved and mortified to ever think of telling their literal king about it

Humans are weird “Tears for Everything”

Hey all. Didn’t think I would get this sort of response, but since I have. I have decided to do at least one of these “Humans are Weird or Humans are Space Orcs” every day. If you have any ideas you’d like to see me write, I’d be thankful for suggestions. 

Alien: *walks in to mess hall sees human sitting at a table crying*

Alien “Human, what is wrong. Why is your face leaking.”

*human looks up wiping eyes* 

Human: *Sorry, I’m just really upset. This is what happens when humans are upset, we cry….. There was a bombing back home, none of my family is answering.”

Alien: *walks back in later, human still crying*

Alien: “Oh no, human, are you ok? What is wrong?”

*human looks up wipes eyes again*

Human: “Oh sorry.” grins “my family just called back and they’re ok.”

Alien: *in confusion* “Why are you upset about that?”

Human: “Oh no, you misunderstand. Humans also cry when we’re happy or relieved 

Alien *rolls eyes but doesn’t question. Humans are weird after all 

Alien *returns later to see the humans in s big circle, all of them are crying so hard they are almost bent double. They have to be upset.*

Alien: “What’s wrong now?”

human: *regains breath and wipes tears from eyes, “Nothing, nothing, Jim just told a really funny joke. Laughed so hard I cried.”

Alien: *annoyed now. Walks away shaking his head*

Alien: *walks in to lab and is nearly hit by a metal trey flying towards the wall*

human: *screams in anger tears rolling down their face*

Alien: *tentatively peeks out from behind shelf* “are you alright, human?

Human: “NO I’M NOT ALRIGHT. I’M PISSED OFF!” *turns away wiping eyes*

Alien: *hurried from the room to scared to be annoyed*

human: *sneezes*

Alien: *turns around to find human’s face leaking again, exasperated* “What NOW? Why can you possibly be upset, happy, or angry NOW?”

Human: *looking confused* “I’m not any of those, my allergies are just really bad right now.”

Alien: *Sputtering in exasperation*

*out on a mission, the planet is freezing cold*

Alien: *looks at human*

Human *dribbling from the eyes and nose. this Cannot be laughter or allergies, they have to be upset*

Alien: “What’s wrong human?”

Human: *wipes nose* “Nothing, just cold.”

Alien: “You’re ****ing kidding me.”

*Human yawns. wipes eyes*

Alien “What now! What now. How can you possibly be doing this now. Are you hungry, horny or frustrated WHAT! WHAT IS THIS RIDDLE!”

*human: holds up hands wiping eyes* “nothing just tired is all”

Alien *screams in frustration*

Alien: *glares at human as human wipes their eyes*

Human: *Sees the look* “Sorry, eyes are burning. don’t know why”

Alien: *stands up* “Don’t know why. Don’t know why. Of course you don’t know why” *storms out. Opens human behavior log. scribbles our years of dedicated note taking. Writes In big bold letters*

WE KNOW NOTHING