I Just Want My Cat To Lie On My Chest Smother My Fears With His Weight Trap Me Under His Sleeping Sprawl

There are Monarchs in Mexico Where kings and queens still reign Lording over salvia and milkweed In their glorious campaign

Yet nomadic in their nature In summer fleeing their domain The Monarchs journey ever north Old royal kingdoms to reclaim

The dynasty will carry backwards An intricate floating train Resting upon their paladin trees The ruling of Monarchs ever arcane

December is the month In which I first read your words The month in which I first struggled to understand You, the first time I was Puzzled by your language Which made such little sense Still I devoured every Letter you wrote to me

A dozen Decembers later I still find myself lost By your accidentally strategic Wording, the way in which You hide bits of yourself In silly metaphors In carefree excitement In your strongest convictions

December is the month In which I knew the depths Of your emotions, your thoughts Before I knew your voice Before I knew your face or Your touch felt with skin Before I knew your name or story Before I knew I could break You as I myself was breaking

A dozen Decembers passed And we are both healing We are the steady stream of Lovers light, of rain rivers Flowing down the sides of the Mountains we've formed over So many years of crashing plates Stand with me at the peak In our breathless altitude

It is December again My favorite month, it's when You came into my life so Unexpectedly, like a night Blizzard, I awoke to an enchanted World, and with each new year As each holiday I have with you Passes, we have our history And our memories, we have a Bond that strengthens our Relationship, wild and tender

I am a wave The one you felt On the shore I crashed over you And became water Once more

You are the sand The earth That I long for When I am Out in the ocean With no oar

We are the gulls Look how far They soar Floating on the wind The whole sky To explore

I am always asking questions I am a hypothetical idea I am a torrent of branching thoughts Meanings are occasionally sought

I am a half circle above a dot I am a rumination I am the one planting a seed No rain or sunshine guaranteed

I am the roots that are growing Down into the depths of the earth Reaching and probing so much deeper But I am also axiom's keeper

River, you ran through me I, the earth, the soil Quiet and soft

So were you, you brought Your herons and their Nests, you brought your Guiding bends, The frogs that peeped Like a lullaby into dark sky

I made room for you In places I had been dry And steep, I let you in, You helped me heal, you made Waterfalls, or rather,

We made the waterfalls, And you made it safe for water To splash down, unharmed

River, when you touch sand You will meet the sea You will go where I cannot But you brought life to me,

Where there were rough cracks There are now reeds and moss And dragonflies

Leave me like a brook, Clearly, slowly, on rocks Glittering under the sun, I, the earth, am changed, Come twilight I will hear you River, flowing into the ocean

But there's a spring now, Fresh water will come And you have helped me trust it

I am just the winter air Freezing a downy bed I'm a thousand snowflake pairs Crushed beneath a sled

Sometimes I'm a bitter chill That nips atop a balding hill I am more than winter air I'm dark days ahead

This dreary morning January rain Falling onto icy snow Makes my eyes feel Heavy and tired

Roads caked with slush Cars splash through Brownish gray waves And I fall Down into the sludge

I sink like this month This month of melancholy I am crumbling Into these dirty waters Let me sleep in them

Let me sleep until This downpour lets up Until then I am fatigued These rains Beat me into submission

He said I wasn't the center Of the universe but I was a star He never orbited around me And I was strong but never asked

I was no galaxy I had no planets

But he was an asteroid that Got caught up in my pull He could never look at me Or be close enough to touch

I was too bright I was too hot

And I could not be cold or dull I was a wildfire untamed So I was just one burning star Among the infinite others

You say goodnight to me As though singing a song Against my earlobe Whispering a melodic prayer Beating against my eardrum The rhythm of your words A steady lullaby kiss Melting on my lips as you Fade with me into a dream

I can't stand the smell Of Clorox disinfectant wipes They remind me of all The times I used them To scrub your blood Out of the sheets on my bed And how many nights I Fell asleep to their scent While worrying about you

I can't stand the smell Because I used those wipes To disinfect the stuffed cat I cuddle with now for comfort The stuffed cat that smelled For days of your final weeks The stuffed cat I adore That doesn't smell like your Death or Clorox anymore