I Feel Far From You For The First Time The First Time The Oceans Have Mattered The First Time The World

I am laying in the tall grass On a cloudy afternoon The air is still, The grass does not blow In the wind or on a breeze

It is quiet, the birds are quiet There is an ant crawling On my arm, there is a Cottontail munching on Nearby dandelions

The gray clouds are peaceful They don't promise rain Now there is also a Small beetle on my shirt They are claiming me, these bugs

They are accepting me into their World of the tall grass Where the rabbits and moles live Where life is slower I will go inside later

I can't wish you happy birthday Because we are ghosts now Ghosts who do not linger On the same plane of existence

How abruptly we became memories While our lives were still Flourishing and so full How quickly the two of us vanished

I send you messages into the void Into the echo chamber of my heart Bouncing around in the dark I miss you, miss you, miss you

Sometimes I think I can see you Your face unchanged and wild But you are a wild dream That ripples away at my touch

Can you feel me reaching out Now that we live only in my mind? So many years since you disappeared The two of us remain only in me

Now my eyes watch moths And spiders, crickets in the night, Infinity's glowing diamonds, The darkest skies alight.

I keep company in blades of grass That were browned by the sun. An eternity of passions passed, If asked, I'll say it's done.

Belong do I to the moon And what it does to all the sea. It cycles through all I have left, We're bound, the moon and me.

The winter cardinals Have finished their work Of raising wobbly chicks Into fierce and steady Juveniles, ready to Graze the sky with the Tips of their wings And soar off gracefully Away on their own breeze A fresh, solo journey

The parents are not Left behind, they are Quietly content, free To fly wherever they please The male a radiant scarlet And she such prominent earth Tones, the blazing yellow Of their beaks like Flames flying by on the Biting morning winds

The serene songbirds Mated for life, they fly Side by side, sharing One current of frigid air Wings spread out together As they glide in sync With nothing more to be Done, they settle in their Empty nest and sleep freely And warmly with each other

I do not care that When I speak passionately He smiles and his Eyes glaze over in confusion I do not care that He does not understand What I mean when I say The world inside me is glowing Or that the goldfinches Were singing to me in color

He is not meant to Understand my musings He is my rock on a crashing Shore that is always stormy My friend who sits By me and never asks for me To explain my layered words I care only that He is happy to share space And listen to me anyway

You said my eyes Were so intense Like they were piercing you As if yours didn't Strike my face Like yours weren't fierce too

They say I keep Too many secrets But you know all of them You are my only Buried treasure Sapphire mixed with obsidian

I said you're in my blood Like caffeine Keeping my mind energized I see all the words You never say Just from looking in your eyes

"Be gentle with me" I say to myself, or to my thoughts I want to detach myself from them Thought and I Are not one in the same

Thoughts can be cruel tricksters Jokers and bandits They reside within me at times But they do not speak in my voice They snicker when I do not

"Be forgiving" I say to myself, in spite of my thoughts No one is as savage as they are Intruders, there is a "No Loitering" sign You can enter but you cannot stay

He gathers pennies to spend at the store, Lowering his voice, he looks down at the floor And says, “If I tell you, you won’t love me anymore.”

It’s days like these that we don’t speak As much As we used to, Instead in a language of knees weak And such As lovers do.

He counts the change but hates the word. “So many pennies,” he remarks, “it’s absurd.” He speaks so that his thoughts go unheard.

At the end of the day he has my heart Still, Always, to keep. And I would carry him if he fell apart Until We went to sleep.

We’ve stayed like this for the better part of a year And he worries as the end of December draws near That he might blow away and we won’t be here.

I learned how to sing So I could talk to the birds They always listen to me Even if they don't know the words

I learned how to bark So I could talk to the trees They know all about you All about you and me

I've learned to be quiet To be still in my mind To feel the earth turn As the world was designed

Ocean, I have a confession to make. I am just a small bird, a very small bird, You are endless and vast, How can I tell you I love you?

I have fallen in love with you deeply, As deep as your floors, your trenches; But you are so grand and I, Well I am just a bird, would you wave me off?

I have this fragile, mortal body And I am jealous of your infinite waters. How could you ever love me back When I exist for just one of your moments?

I am standing, twig legged, at your shore, I am watching the clouds kiss your horizon And I have never felt smaller, yet I am drowning in my adoration of you.

Since we are being vulnerable, And my feelings are likely unrequited, May I ask, Ocean, who is it you love? For whom does your body ebb and flow?