Did You Lay Me Down Or Let Me Go? From Fear Or Mercy I Don't Know And You Are With Me Even So

The time I spend alone Is so precious and Soul filling, it is needed

My time away is a Haven, a grove A quiet reserve I call home

And my heart is so full Of myself, known, I Am satisfied, quenched

I am far from her now That longing, if it's there, To be near her is rare

This goodbye is so Conflicting I am heartbroken I am torn It is so difficult To think of you Leaving my life And yet it's so easy To wish you well

The winter cardinals Have finished their work Of raising wobbly chicks Into fierce and steady Juveniles, ready to Graze the sky with the Tips of their wings And soar off gracefully Away on their own breeze A fresh, solo journey

The parents are not Left behind, they are Quietly content, free To fly wherever they please The male a radiant scarlet And she such prominent earth Tones, the blazing yellow Of their beaks like Flames flying by on the Biting morning winds

The serene songbirds Mated for life, they fly Side by side, sharing One current of frigid air Wings spread out together As they glide in sync With nothing more to be Done, they settle in their Empty nest and sleep freely And warmly with each other

What are your dreams? They say What do you mean? I say

Don't you have goals? They ask Nope I laugh

How can you not? They say I guess I'm a sloth I play

You must have a job They say Certainly not I say

Contribute to society! They exclaim I have anxiety I explain

So what do you do? They question I write and I muse I tell them

But what about money? They implore I have enough to be free I retort

What makes you this way? They ask why I'm content all my days I reply

Such wasted life They dismay My world is bright I say

It's just hair Sometimes I am Covered in it Sometimes it Isn't there It doesn't matter Much to me Whether I am Blanked or bare I thought That it defined me Or that one way Made you want me I don't know Why I cared But you shaved Above my lip What I thought You wanted there So I still think It's why you left me That it was just Because of hair

Seagulls swarm the sky The Adirondack chair Sits empty on the deck The boats in their docks Sway in the lapping water The sun sets over shops Dinner lights come on In the seafood restaurant At home along the Atlantic This is a seaside painting A watercolor ocean A moment caught forever In the blue of a brushstroke

Did you think that I would change? That my eyes and nose And lips would rearrange? Did you worry that my kiss Would taste different Or just wouldn't feel the same?

Did you worry I would smell wrong? Like I was new Like you didn't know My pheromones? That my scent wouldn't be as It had been all along?

Did you hear my voice a new way? Did it feel foreign on your ears Like you hadn't heard it Every day? Did the notes in songs I sang Sound cracked and frayed?

Did you think my hands would feel new? That they wouldn't be the ones That knew you? Or you wouldn't want to hold them Maybe you were afraid So you refused to

I would have loved you just the same The way I used my body Wouldn't have changed Unless you wanted me to That same softness would remain I'm still carrying your name I hold our torch And I'm forever carrying our flame

I slip into my skin Like slipping into A favorite sweater I am the nurturer Inside my own body A home and hearth Tranquil and secure My body is a warmth I am warm here I am so very warm

I thought we were art The kind that could heal Your paintings abstract My writing surreal Pieces that where honest And made us both feel But I wanted concrete And you've been ideal I look at you and see More than sex appeal Maybe you don't want art Or anything real I'm just another secret Someone new to conceal

We are all down to earth here Even the birds in the sky Especially the beetles and bees and flies All as one on our mystical sphere We are all down to earth here

We are all part of the dust If we piled it up, what would it be? Would we create a new being entirely? The magic of our world is hushed We are all part of the dust