We Used To Be Birds In A Cage Together When We Thought We Wanted To Live There

I am laying in the tall grass On a cloudy afternoon The air is still, The grass does not blow In the wind or on a breeze

It is quiet, the birds are quiet There is an ant crawling On my arm, there is a Cottontail munching on Nearby dandelions

The gray clouds are peaceful They don't promise rain Now there is also a Small beetle on my shirt They are claiming me, these bugs

They are accepting me into their World of the tall grass Where the rabbits and moles live Where life is slower I will go inside later

You were there Maybe you didn't know You weren't aware

But was it fair Of me to ask you if you knew That you were there

To come back unannounced Just in the air around you

Well I was there When a storm came crashing down And soaked your hair

I was unprepared So startled when I woke From that nightmare

To find your hand on my heart Starting to repair

When it's dark And it's too quiet It all feels like too much to bear

But then you're there Even when I worry That you don't care

You know I worry too much Maybe it wears you down

And when I don't declare My presence Still I think you know

You knew I wasn't going anywhere Because you still know me

Next time we're there Let's go back to the meadow Where we put flowers in our hair

The people walking past Won't see us Sitting in our chairs

I said your name You turned your head It was just a whisper in the air

You knew it wasn't just the weather You can't see the wind

That's how I know That all this time you've known That I was there

I would live here in my mind if I could If the earthly world did not always snatch me away With its incessant needing and needing Earth, why are you so attached to me?

I am in my mind today, like most days Don't say it is not a place because you can't walk there When your thoughts wander Is it through a desert? A forest? Do you swim?

Everything that has died is alive here Here is my dead friend that I used to kiss, looking well Here is the art I gave up on in frustration Here are the words you said to me in anger The dreams we dreamed together, still breathing

I walk up creaking steps from my stomach to my head The body is such a desperate thing sometimes Always needing validation and hand holding So I would live up here tucked away in the ethereal

One day the wind blew All the leaves down off the trees And they were bare I saw the birds just sitting there Preening their new winter feathers Two sitting on a branch together

Their nests were empty Broken and falling down Sticks and bits all on the ground Babies all long flown away On that branch they said goodbye Now they huddle side by side

I wonder why they stick around When all the others go Maybe they just like the snow Something I will never know I watch them sleeping in that tree A little rest and finally some peace

I learned how to sing So I could talk to the birds They always listen to me Even if they don't know the words

I learned how to bark So I could talk to the trees They know all about you All about you and me

I've learned to be quiet To be still in my mind To feel the earth turn As the world was designed

"Be gentle with me" I say to myself, or to my thoughts I want to detach myself from them Thought and I Are not one in the same

Thoughts can be cruel tricksters Jokers and bandits They reside within me at times But they do not speak in my voice They snicker when I do not

"Be forgiving" I say to myself, in spite of my thoughts No one is as savage as they are Intruders, there is a "No Loitering" sign You can enter but you cannot stay

She caught me watching her As she woke from sleep Hair messy on the pillow Naked under the sheets

"My little poet" she said "Write something for me" She smiled with her Unnaturally white teeth

Closed lipped I smiled back And grabbed some paper She stared at me as I grasped At anything to say for her

I jotted down lines Inspired by someone else She kissed me so deep So pleased with herself

I couldn't stand her lips And left her in bed Maybe she never wondered Who I wrote for instead

I speak to you inside my mind My inner world a sanctuary A holy place just for myself I would have you sit here with me

Watch the water as it flows My river of thoughts and words Walk with me through wet grass Full of insects and hunting birds

Do you feel safe here with me? There's a soft and misty glow In the sunrise of my imagination I hope you feel at home

I am not embarrassed or afraid I am messy and flawed and bare In a open field of chamomile flowers I am myself with you and that's rare

Maybe I laugh a little too much Like a part of me is ashamed But I opened this world to you Our fears laid out to be reclaimed

I feel you move inside my head Move me with all that you are You're as real as anything we feel As the light from a newborn star

He said I wasn't the center Of the universe but I was a star He never orbited around me And I was strong but never asked

I was no galaxy I had no planets

But he was an asteroid that Got caught up in my pull He could never look at me Or be close enough to touch

I was too bright I was too hot

And I could not be cold or dull I was a wildfire untamed So I was just one burning star Among the infinite others

Ashes to ashes I'll get your ashes next week And hold you as dust