Reblog If Reading Someone Else’s Fanfiction Has Helped You Get Through A Hard Day

update on the band situation

IMMA BE A LITTLE DRUMMER BOY

What is this 3 chapter in the space of a few days I haven’t done that in a while

Chapter 27

Word count :3169

Mentions: em thinking about it the mentions for this one would have to be , mention of drugs and addiction , coming out , inclination of suicidal tendencies and inclination to smut

Also a Cliff hanger

3 days later.....

Mattys POV

I stayed at Ross' for the weekend, so he could keep an eye on me, he said that's not what he was doing but I couldn't help but notice the side glances every-time I got a little jumpy or how he'd freak out if I was out of his eye sight for longer than five minutes. Despite being under close watch I enjoyed being here. I feel like I've eaten enough food to sustain me for like the next two years. Slept a lot and just basically chilled out. Ross hadn’t let me have a joint just incase and I'm totally itching for one at this point, Ross met George, we've all stayed up playing FIFA and GTA , Ross thinks he's quite great to be honest. I haven't really had time alone with George to speak to him alone to tell him what happened but I will when I go home. Ross' mum said that she'd told Denise some of what had happened over the last few days but I spoke with her and told her that I'd tell my mum myself about all of it. Which is we're we start I'm waiting for my mum to come and pick me up because as much as I love being here , Ross needs to actually get some sleep as we've got last week of school to finish then we're on Study leave and he's been awake the whole weekend keeping an eye on me. I'm sat with Ross in his doorstep just having a cigarette waiting for my mum to pull up.

"I'm shitting it Ross, how's she going to react?" , the smoke of the cigarettes is floating around us making Ross look like a damn god sent to save me.

"I think it's your dad you have to worry about mate , you're your dads boy" , that sends a small shiver down my back because he's right, I hate upsetting my dad. My dads my best friend honestly and I hate letting him down.

"Don't...I can't tell him"

"It'll be okay man trust me they love you and they'll help you so much you know that", We both spot my mum coming down the road, we drop our cigarettes on the floor and stamp on them as we stand up and Ross tackles me into a hug "I love you bro, don't think about it to much okay , just be honest they'll understand"

I hug him back tightly and whisper into her ear "love you too man" , I say goodbye again and then jump into my Mums car as she waves to Ross and drives away, I start to feel immediately anxious as I get comfortable in the seat and strap myself in "hiya ma"

"Hiya love , did you have a good time?"

"Yup", I can already sense it's going to be an awkward conversation to have, I know Ross' mum told my Mum that I'd need to talk to her.

"Sooo , what's going on with you then love , Lisa said you'd need to talk"

"Mhm", my hand flies straight to my hair wracking my hand through it like always when I'm nervous, trying to find the right words to help me through this. "Where do you want me to start"

The car ride back from Ross' really didn't take much time since he's just down the road so we're already at ours sitting in the drive way, My mums looking at me but I can't really tell how she's feeling so in turn I can't really gauge what she's going to say which makes me kind of uneasy "maybe first off, how did you end up at Ross' and not back home like you said"

She didn't ask like she was annoyed but I still feel bad for not coming home like I said I would. "I really did plan on coming home , but then I just figured I needed Ross, he would be my best port of call in the moment"

"I thought you were just going on a walk to clear your head Matthew" , I really don't want to tell her everything is going to go to shit and I'm scared but maybe just , maybe, it'll make everything better if I do. But my hands are twitchy again and I'm nervous. Ross telling me "to just be honest" is running through my head on repeat.

"I need to be honest here, eh...I did go for a walk ...but um...it was for unlterior motives" , I take a moment to breath through and get myself together so I don't cry AGAIN , Jesus so much crying "I ....I...I went to get um ...went to get high"

"You smoke all the time Matthew , why did you have to leave for that , we know about that"

"Not that mum, I wish it was just that....but it wasn't just smokes, I think I have a drug problem" , I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes teetering on the edge of falling onto my face but I blink a few times to stop them. " I uh , I'm scared Mum , it's like I'm stood at the edge of a cliff and there's nothing there pulling me back to sanity until someone gives me something, I know it's bad but I'll take anything anyone gives me. It keeps me sane for a while until it dies and I slowly just feel the edge calling me back and i can't run from my thoughts and I'm not the person I want to be again, I swear I didn't mean for it to get this bad but it's just destroying me....." before I can finish my rant my mum is pulling me into a tight hug mumbling into my shoulder that's "she's going to get me help" and "that she wished she'd known sooner" and "that she's sorry" , the tears that I was holding start falling and I can't stop them and I hug her back. "You don't have to be sorry Mum , you did nothing wrong, Im scared and everything just sucks"

"Matthew love why didn't you tell anyone before , how do you feel , like really feel before you feel like you need to use again, try to be as honest as you can because this is very important and very serious"

"I can't tell you that Mum , I don't want to upset you" , I pull her closer to me to let her know that I'm not going anywhere and that I love her but I can't be that honest just yet.

"I'll never be angry at you love , you know that no matter what you tell me"

"I can't Mum , I wish I could but I can't, I just need help to feel better , feel sane, I don't wanna become that friend of a friend that people once knew you knew" , we were both just sobbing messes in the car but I really needed to tell her what happened last night so I can at least be prepared enough to tell George "but uh last night , I went out and got some stuff from a guy I know , we smoked and drank a little and we had some other stuff, but I think I took to much or something I'm not sure but...I had like a bad reaction to it I think....everything hurt and I had a really bad panic attack and I called Ross so I wasn't alone....I thought my brain was going to explode...I was so scared"

"Why didn’t you call me or your dad?"

"I thought you'd be angry at me and I couldn't deal with that in the moment , Ross helped and looked after me, I would have came home the next day but he really wanted to keep an eye on me"

"We'll I'll be keeping a closer eye on your from now on and I think, don't take this as me being angry at you but I will be grounding you but while we're home I would very much appreciate it if you talk to me more and tell me exactly what's going on in that overactive brain of yours alright"

"Yes Mum, I need to go lie down though my heads killing me still, We might need to get that seen to because I've had a headache for like a week now and it's not subsiding"

"We can get it checked for now just go in get some water and watch something on the TV, does that sound okay?" , we both get out of the car as my mum goes to the living room to set up the tv, I make my way to the kitchen to get a glass of water and at this I finally text George from my phone rather than through Ross or while playing games

Matty: hiya darlin , I know we've spoken a lot through Ross this weekend and I'm so sorry about that but I'm home now , I miss you loads though

Then make my way back down to sit on the sofa next to my mum "what we watching"

"Whatever you'd like love"

"Uh lord of the rings maybe" ,  I'm a massive nerd, I would never tell someone that I like this film on purpose but it really does bring me comfort.

"Alrighty", she sticks it on and we snuggle up to each other , as we're watching I feel like right now might be a good time to give my mum some good news about me rather than all the mess she's had to deal with over the past few days so I might just tell her about George

"Hey mum , can I tell you something, it's good don't worry" , she pulls me closer to her and we cuddle up on the sofa and I can feel her slightly nodding against my head. "I'm talking to someone, and there so lovely , they make me feel good and calm me down, and there so gorgeous, I also know that I shouldn't be with someone just cuz they make me feel good but I think I really like them and I'm really interested in them", I pause for a moment because I know my mum and I can sense when she's going to say something.

"Any reason we are avoiding name or pronouns ??" , I know she won't mind that hes a male because my grandad is a drag queen and all my family are very close with LGBT People. "Do they happen to be a boy by any chance love ?"

"They might be ", saying it out loud makes me smile and the hairs on my neck stand up and it gives me goosebumps. "Actually yes, he's a boy and his names George and I really really like him, he's so

handsome"

"I've never heard of a George before, what does he look like love ?", I pull out my phone as I search through my phone to find the picture I got of him while we were on call and when I find it I give her my phone to look. "He is very handsome love? , does he go to your school"

I shake my head a little "nah he lives in London , I met him on my game, and he's really helping me through some stuff , please don't go all mum on me though, I get your concern about meeting people online but I really trust him okay ?"

"That's okay love it's okay, if you trust him , I trust your decision, how old is he"

"He's 16, he's in year ten , so I'd assume he's nearly 17 but I'm not sure but that's okay right , I'm not 18 myself yet but it should be alright , right ?"

"It's alright my love, more than alright , he should come visit in the summer if you'd like ?" , this made me sit up right and look directly at my mum , my mouth slightly agape.

"Really?, would that be okay?"

"If you'd like that then of course he can"

"Oh my god thank you so much Mum , your the best" , I pull her into another tight hug and then we both get caught up in the film.

It was around 3 o'clock when the first film had finished, my mum got up and asked if I wanted anything to eat , I wasn't the hungry as I said earlier I feel like I'd eaten enough at Ross' that could last a century but I have to try so I asked for some soup while my mum was preparing lunch I pulled my phone out again

George: Hi love , it's okay you don't have to worry , Ross is a sound lad and he's your friend I'm glad he looks out for you , I miss you so damn much, how are you doing today though xx

Matty: I'm not doing too bad I think , Mums making lunch also you'll never guess what xx

George : that's amazing we'll done

George : what love ???

Matty: I told Mum about you and she said you can visit in the summer if you'd like? Would you like that?

George: omg no way , of course I'd love that.

I then got a Snapchat message through it's a picture of George and by Christ was I not ready for it, he's fresh out of the shower , just a picture of him in underwear water drops still adorning his chest and shoulder , he's so fit omg. I send him a text back

Matty : I'm going to be sat with my mum all day you can't be sending me that right now 🥵

George : whoops sorry 😉 , can't say you didn't like it though ay

Matty: you know I did, you know I like it when you get all flirty like that 😉

George: you gunna make me stop?

With that my mum enters the room and stops at the door slightly chuckling at me "what?"

"Is that him by any chance"

"How could you tell?"

"You face is the colour of a cherry and your nearly splitting your face in half with that smile"

"Oh , yeh that's him" , I chuckle a bit and turn my phone faced down on the sofa as she hands me the bowl full of chicken soup and I tuck in as we get the next film set up, just an afternoon of lord of the rings  and good company that's all I need.

"So, I was thinking I’ll book an appointment for Dr Adrian tomorrow and we can tell him about EVERYTHING and then we can see what he says yeh ?”

“So long as I don’t have to go to some stupid like , I don’t know rehab then yeh we can do that”

“He’ll just give us some advice on how to help you stop and we can get some general advice on how to help you , in anything not just the drugs my love and we can see where to go from there”

“Okay , can I go to my room after this is finished , I’m okay right now I promise, I just have to get some studying done”

“After this I’m sure that’ll be fine”

3 hours later the film was done the soup was discarded, I’d eaten most of it but it got cold so I couldn’t finish it , I’d gone to the bathroom as well and now I’m upstairs in my room looking over my history work while messaging George

Matty: nope I’d never ask you too stop that would just be crazy

George: that’s my boy, did you like what you saw then??

Matty: I very much did yes

George: what exactly did you like about it huh?

Flirty George was new for me and I found my self really liking it and it made me adjust myself in my seat because I suddenly felt really warm

Matty: I don’t know specifically, your just fit int’ ya

George: fit am I! , says you , what would you do if I was there right now

Matty : what’s gotten into you and what have you done with baby George 😂😂

Matty : also I don’t think you’d wanna know what I’d do

I got up from my seat and closed my door over making sure it was properly closed and flop down on my bed because I can feel this conversation taking a very sudden turn

George : Oh I would love to know , I really would, that’s why I asked

Matty: we’ll I guess you’ll never know cuz I ain’t saying.

The minute I see that George has seen the message the caller icon appears on my screen and he’s calling me so I swipe to answer and bring the phone to my ear, smiling.

“Nah man you can’t leave me like that” , he sounds a little flustered but I can tell he’s happy. Even at the sound of his voice I am immediately happy too.

“Hello to you too”

“Hi , but no seriously I wanna know what you’d do”, he chuckling a little on his end and it makes my heart melt

“Like the serious answer or the jokey one”

“Serious if your willing”

“We’ll first thing I’d do if you where here right at this minute is probably cry because you know what I’m like”, we both laugh at that because it’s honestly quite funny. “And then I’d kiss you, and I’d then ask you if it was to take your shirt off cuz I just have to see the body of yours and I’d then probably spend like ten minutes just admitting you , leaving marks on you so everyone knows your mine and yeh”

“Wow !, I’d very much into that, uh , what are you doing right now?”

“Why ?, is someone a little occupied ?”

“I just wanna …try something new…if it’s okay with you of course …I don’t wanna feel like a perv”

“Yeh?, what is it you’d like to try darlin”, I could just about tell where this was going and you know what I was so ready for it, I really wanted to do it, it might be a little weird for both of us but I’m nothing but eager.

“Uh…have you ever …ever uh…had phone sex or like done anything…while on the phone?”

“I can’t say I have no but there’s a first for everything”

“Would you like too….with me I mean?”

“Yes , I jolly well think I would”

“Jolly well , what are you 80?” , we both start laughing again because honestly sometimes with the words I use and people at school not understanding sometimes I feel like I am 80.

“Sorry go ahead, take it away?”

“Okay , are you lying down”, with that I lay down properly on my bed making sure I’m comfy and ready to start this .

“Yes I am , are you ?”, I can hear some rustling from his end but after a couple of seconds he then tells me that he is in fact also lying down .

SORRY CLIFF HANGER IM GOING TO PUT THE SMUT IN THE NEXT ONE !!!!!!

This CANNOT just be on my TikTok , I actually wanna sob , it’s all my faves

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeLFBTyB/

you know when you insanely head over heels for someone who you know you don’t even have a chance with and never will have. but every moment you spend with them you’re just like “Wow they are incredible”

that’s my mood today wbu ? 😂😂

JUST REMINISCING (CUZ I FOUND AN OLD ALBUM THAT I USED TO LISTEN TO LIKE DAILY WHEN I WAS LIKE 15😂)

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME HOW I USED TO FIND THIS SO FUCKIN HOT AND NOW I LIKE MATTY AND G ,

HAVE I MATURED OR NOT 😂😂

(DAPPY)

(THE OBVS MATTY AND G)

Sorry but why is baby Matty Healy , Eric from Mr Magoriums WonderEmporiam (can’t spell it)

#thecamoiseverything

my heart actually just fucking stopped

Going to be posting the videos and pictures of what I got to far from transmt

My friend is sending them over so there all taking a while 😂

that’s baby girl right there

Chapter 29

This chapter is so bad I swear but I wanted to get it done for people and I hope you like it..

Comments are most appreiciated

George's POV

A few hours after we had done what we'd done we were both sat with each other quietly just studying our own stuff with each other's company, it was peaceful and it really helped me having him there just the extra person to give you comfort, studying in my own got really boring and it was really starting to drive me insane but while he was there with me it helped a lot , every now and then I'd catch him mumbling little things to himself like "nah man your an idiot", or simple sums trying to work out his maths problems a few times I did notice him get a little frustrated and upset so I helped him through a couple of solutions on how to fix them because I know maths can be challenging and he's told me before that it was something he didn't like, but in turn he'd helped me through my English literature paper which I am eternally grateful for. Even though I was enjoying the peace and we were both getting work done there was still a little problem itching at the back of my brain that I needed to ask about. I was just scared to ask incase it wasn't my place too, but I think he could tell because in the last fifteen minutes all I'd done was stare into space or directly at him and he'd caught me a few times

"Hey my love , can I ask you something"

"If it's about maths darlin, it should be me asking you?" , I know for a fact he knows what I'm going to ask him so he's just trying to make light of the situation before it gets a little deeper

"No my love , I need to ask you about the other night" , I visibly saw him tense at the question and he dropped his pen in the desk and scrubbed his face over with his hands

"What about it gorgeous?"

"Can you tell me what happened"

"Nothing happened really , it was just a bad day", At this he picked up his pen and tried to concentrate on his work again but I could tell he was a little nervous, stressed out maybe and I don't want to be the person that causes that for him but I also don't want him to feel like he can't tell me how he's feeling. I don't want to push it I know he'll tell me in his own time but I'm worried for him. For now I just let him concentrate on his work it'll keep him focused for now but I know I'm going to worry about him. Getting back to my own work will be a challenge. I try I really do but it's hard and I can't seem to focus on it and I know he's watching me "George"

"Yeh?"

"I'm sorry, I know you worry about me but it's just if I tell you, you'll just worry more and I can't do that to you"

"My love , I understand it's difficult for you but I need you to hear me out here, we're talking and we like each other right , you would be worried if I was in the same position as you right ...", I pause for a second to let him answer which he does with a small nod. "You'd want me to tell you what was going on yeh ?" , he nods again slightly looking more sheepish and shy. "We'll then you understand that if I'm asking how things were it's because I need to know and of course I'm going to worry but it's important I know so I can help"

"I know you wanna help , it's just complicated Georgie, and I would tell you but I don't really understand why it happened , other than I was really deep in my own head"

"We'll we can start there , what were you thinking about , what was going on your head"

"There's just always so much going on my head all the time , I can't shut it up you know, it's so hard to feel comfortable when you can hear everything that's going on and theres just so much pressure in my head and it feels like I'm going to explode if I don't shut it up, and if I do explode I just get angry at everyone and I hate that , drugs or alcohol are the only way I know that makes it quiet for a little while , I can lose myself and feel like I'm not actually in my own body for a while" , Matty had shoved his books out of the way and was resting his face in his hands while his elbows dug into the desk that he was working at.

"What did you take?, it's okay if you don't want to say", I think I probably know the answer since it was only a few days ago when it happened last but if I can be more knowledgeable about how to help him when he's on a come down then it'll make things a little easier for him.

He looks a little uncomfortable, fidgeting in his seat "Coke, but I drank a bit too and I think my body just kind of shut down, because one minute I was okay and the next I felt like I was dying and that's never happened before , like you know the panic just over took me and I couldn't breath, I just thought we'll this is it , for a second I didn't mind which is the scary part"

"You...you don't ....you don't really wanna die do you"

"Not right now I don't no, but in the moment I didn't mind for just a second, I'm not going anywhere though darling I promise , I just find it hard sometimes"

"How does it feel when your on a come down , from what I know about drugs there's always a come down" I'd moved over to my bed at this point my work completely forgotten about, the bed being more comfortable.

"I either get really clingy to people cuz I'm in pain or I'm just angry and I hate that. It usually happens a couple hours after , Ross is really good at dealing with me he's been doing it a long time loads more times than he should really, I mean I'm always clingy so I'd understand that he can deal with that but when I'm angry he deals with it so we'll I couldn't ask for anyone better"

I know Ross is his best friend but I still couldn't help but resent him a little, it's maybe even jealousy that he gets to be with Matty as much as he wants he can just go see him anytime he likes, sees him at his best and can help him through his worse. Ross is amazing from what I've seen over the weekend he's a wonderful guy and I'm glad that Matty had someone but I'm just envy him a little. I must be thinking about it harder than I thought I was because Matty pulls me out of my thoughts "Georgie ??"

"Mmm?"

"What're you thinking about darling? , you were very deep in thought just then"

"I just wish I could be there , wish I could be the one you could rely on when your feeling like that"

"Trust me if you knew how it was really , you wouldn't want to even be near me, it just makes everyone around me upset and it's so bleak and dark for ages" I can see his eyes have begun to look glassy and I really don't want him to cry right now because it'll break my heart.

"My love trust me , I wanna help no matter how dark it gets . I'm here okay, We can talk about something else if you like" , I notice him shrug but only minutely if I wasn't paying close attention I wouldn't have noticed at all.

"No it's okay , I'm seeing my doctor on Monday so I'm going to have to figure out how to talk about it"

"We can do something else for a while though if you need , watch a movie or something take your mind off of it , maybe watch some more game of thrones I know we liked that " I watch him look up from where he'd been boaring a whole into the floor and faintly smiles at me "would you like that love ?" , Matty nodes calmly and wanders off to his bed and brings me with him as he settles

I let him get comfortable as he pulls his duvet around him even though it's only 3pm and cuddles up with his cozy cardigan again then I set up the show for us so he doesn't have too and can just stay settled up in his own little world "you look so cosy my love ", he just smile at me sweetly and nods to me as the show begins , the theme tune breaking through my room brings me a lot of joys , I know I've only just watched a few episodes with him but this feels like our thing and it makes me happy as well as the fact I can see it makes him happy aswell , he's so cute just softly bobbing his head along to it the episode plays as we both lay there basking in the events of the show , stealing glances every so often like we usually do. As the next episode begins I can see his eyes start to drift closed as he grip on the cardigan looks to be getting tighter. It makes me smile to no end watching him lose himself to sleep and not fighting it.

"George", I wasn't expecting him to speak as I thought he was half asleep and looked to far gone to even acknowledge that I was still there

"Yea my love?", I was also not expecting the next words to fall out of his mouth.

"I'm scared" , hearing that leave his lips as he drifts of to sleep makes me pause the show and sit up a little straighter. So I can concentrate on him and him only.

"Of what my love?"

" my brain", this comes out as more of a sigh mumbled as if he's not even aware he's speaking, sleep talking maybe but I still have to check if he really knows that he's talking

" why?"

Matty rolls over to lay on his back still gripping his cardigan his hair slowly falling over his face as he shuffles around to get comfortable. He must have been sleep talking as I don't get a reply, my first instinct was to text Ross to see if he's knows if Matty talks in his sleep. So I take out my phone and find him on instagram

George : You bro , does Matty talk in his sleep by any chance

I busy myself doing more work and cleaning my room while I wait for Ross' message, I pick up the pile of dirty clothes and bring it down to the kitchen leaving it in front of the washer as I'm not finished taking things down. Next to come down is the dirty coffee cups and a few plates that I haven't brung down. I bring the hoover upstairs with me when I go back up, I put my side of the call onto mute so as to not wake Matty then begin to hoover up my room it's such a mess up here. I never usually let it get this bad but I've been so preoccupied lately , after hoovering up my floor I take the nozzle off and hoover up the dust , ash and nicotine from my windowsill (rank I know I'm sorry ), when I've finished hoovering I take my laptop back downstairs with me to begin the washing and dishes .after loading the washing machine it takes me like ten minutes to wash my dishes leaving them on the drying rack to drip dry, my phone vibrates in my pocket

Ross : I don't know a time the lad doesn't talk, why ? Whats up ?

George : it's alright don't worry, I just couldn't tell if what he was saying meant something or not but it's okay don't worry

I slide my phone back into my pocket and turn the washing machine on, I check the dryer to see if there's clothes in there , there is so I get on with folding them into piles. Matty stirs after a little while, while I'm still folding and he sits up bolt right rubbing his eyes "huh?" , I move over swiftly to my laptop and unmute myself

"Hey hey hey , what is it?"

"G..G....G...George?"

"I'm here Matty , I'm here , what's wrong"

He's still rubbing at his eyes quite roughly , and coughing a little bit. "I think I was having a nightmare but....I don't...I don't remember...falling asleep"

"You fell asleep like 30 minutes ago my love, what we're you dreaming about?"

"It was like I was alive but like also dead and I was just walking around and like when I tried to speak to someone I either couldn't speak or if I could they weren't hearing me or they were just choosing to ignore me , not that scary I understand but it just freaked me out"

"Maybe it's because you struggle to talk to people and you brains just trying to show you how scary it can get"

"Maybe , what are you doing ?" , I know he's just trying to change the subject so he doesn't have to talk for now I'll let him out of talking. I bring my laptop over to the middle island in the kitchen and set it up so he can see that I'm cleaning up and I get back to folding the clothes.

"I just finished cleaning my room, but now I'm just cleaning up for mum"

"Awww mummies boy are we ?"

"Are you not?", the smile he gives back in response , goofy and lopsided like he's a puppy trying to understand humans. "What's that face for ?"

"You really are, aren't you?"

"Am what?"

"Mr Perfect"