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"Burnt Waffles" -Malleus Draconia

"FOR SEVENS SAKE-"

Well that wasn't something you wanted to hear at 3 in the am. Especially not when it was a weekend and all you wanted to do was sleep in for once. But alas, it seems trouble has a knack for finding you at any hour of the day, no matter how atrocious that hour may be.

Slipping out of bed you trudged down the stairs to the kitchen, where the unclaimed angry shout had made its debut. Was it a good idea to walk towards unknown voices in the middle of the night, no. However this was far from the oddest thing to happen to you, and 9 times out of 10 whatever happened was the result of a ghost.

What you didn't expect however was to find a familiar mop of black hair by the kitchen counter, adorned with an even more familiar set of horns. What was even more unexpected (and much more concerning) was the cloud of smoke that was slowly filling the room.

"Malleus, wha-"

"I don't know what you want from me but release my pastry from your iron constraints this instant you infernal thing!"

You had to hold back a fit of laughter, watching the fae on your kitchen continue to hurl insults at the machine in front of him. Malleus Draconia, the prince of briar valley and one of the top mages of the world, had been thwarted by your waffle maker.

"Malleus, what are you doing." You giggled, alerting him of your presence behind him.

"Oh, good morning child of man." Malleus said, turning his head away from the torched waffle to look at you. "I would have thought you would sleep in more this morning."

"Well I might have, however the verbal assault on the waffle maker were to hard to ignore." Malleus's ears flushed a bright red, joining the embarrassed flush on his cheeks.

"Nothing it doesn't deserve I assure you." He said indignantly, crossing his arms to emphasize his point, "No matter what I do to it, it refuses to cooperate with me!"

You strode over to stand next to him, sidestepping the mysterious ingredient spills on the tiled floor.

"You have to turn it first before you try opening it." Demonstrating, you gripped the handle and effortlessly opened the maker, cringing slightly at the intense burnt smell that hit your nose.

"Oh, I see." He said quietly, watching you pry the black brick out and throw it into the garbage.

"You want to try making another one, now that you know how to use this properly?" You asked, looking up at him with a small smile on your face.

The fae let out a hum, feeling a smile of his own tug at his lips.

"I would enjoy that very much."

You were later told the reason he had been in your kitchen so early was because he wanted to surprise you with breakfast, and had actually been there much earlier just trying to get a batter together (He had been nearly defeated earlier by trying to crack the eggs into the bowl without sending it into the wall.)

As much as you valued your sleep, there was little you would trade for the time you spent making waffles together with Malleus that morning, watching the sunlight stream through the windows as you shared the plate of waffles in the lobby and leaving the mess in the kitchen for a later time.

*at a housewarden meeting*

Vil: Kalim, your being banished to your room until you stop suggesting such outlandish things!

Kalim: Oh come on! Why don't you send Idia to his room when he suggests outlandish things!?

Vil: Idia doesn't come out of his room. If we were really going to punish him we'd send him out to socialize with people.

Idia: *from the other side of his tablet* oh sevens no...

MC: I used to wonder why Rook was so good at finding people

MC: Now that I know how he does it I live wondering if I'm being tracked

*Rook standing in a tree not to far away*

Rook: :]

When Fae Sleep on the Ceiling

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Word Count: 1.1k

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland

Genre: Crack

Warnings: None

Character: Lilia Vanrouge

Headcanon: He has slept upside down in the hallway and scared the shit out of a Diasomnia student, on more than one occasion. It may have been on purpose the second time.

A/N: first in my series of writing headcannons and short stories :>

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Silence settled over Diasomnia, the only sounds coming from the crackling of the dim green torches and the clocks ticking away. Moonlight filtered in through the tall windows, casting soft shadows across the floor and grazing the faces of the students in their beds. Yes, 3 am in the dorm was as peaceful as it had always been-

“AAAAAAAAAGH.” Okay, maybe not. The frantic footsteps of a student echoed down the hallway, the student in question turning the corner at an alarming speed which sent them crashing into a corner table. Lilia watched incredolously as the boy picked himself up and continued his panicked sprint down the next hallway. The scream and flee-the-large-bat-thing routine didn’t come as much of a shock to him, this had happened several times before to a variety of jittery first years who were still adjusting to the spookyness of the dorm. It was the fact that they had sent the corner table into the afterlife in their attempt to get away from the sentient black lump hanging from the hallway ceiling that surprised him.

“Father, what are you doing.” Lilia turned his head and came face to face with a weary looking Silver. The cacophony of noises must have woken him up, an impressive feat. He would have to give kudos to that student later.

“Sleeping of course. What else would I be doing.” he chirped innocently. He gave the boy an upside down grin, which in turn received a suspicious look.

“Then why did I hear such a profound screech of terror?”

“Ah yes, that.” Lilia released an arm from his cape to make a wide gesture to the smashed corner table. “Evidently the mention of fae potentially sleeping in the hallway was missed during orientation again. Unfortunately this time an innocent life was taken.” Silver blinked at the pile of wood in surprise.

“Such a shame really. That corner table had so much life left to live.” Lilia raised a hand to his forehead, feigning a pained expression. “Alas, it met an untimely end this fair morning. We must grieve.”

“It is too early in the morning to be grieving for a table father.” Silver grumbled, exhaustion starting to creep up on him once again. “There are few people that would actually grieve a table in the first place-”

“NOOOOOOOO! TABLE-SAMA ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?” Insert jumping five feet in the air out of surprise. If the voice hadn’t already confirmed who was now very loudly mourning the table, the bright green hair sure did.

“WHO DID THIS TO YOU!? TABLE-SAMA ANSWER ME!”

“Sebek it is 3:10 in the morning tone it down!” Silver hissed, glaring down at the underclassman who was currently trying to sooth the pile of very much inanimate wood.

“I know its such a tragedy that the table had to leave us so soon.” Lilia piped up, adding to the hysterics that wracked the first year.

“WE MUST FIND WHO DID THIS TO THEM! THE TABLE WILL BE AVENGED!” Sebek cried. Both his arms shot into the air in anger holding seperate halves of one of the broken table legs. Silver groaned, softly facepalming while Lilia cackled loudly behind him. The commotion over the now pile of shards was so great that it drew the attention of more and more of the sleeping (was sleeping) students.

“Lilia, what is the meaning of all this noise.” Malleus questioned, letting out a yawn while striding closer to the crime scene. Lilia was wheezing so hard with laughter he couldn’t directly answer the horned fae, only pointing a shaking finger towards the hysterical man on the floor before falling back into uncontrollable laughter.

“I’m sorry Malleus I didn’t think this would get so out of hand-” Silver started, but was once again interrupted by a booming screech.

“TABLE-SAMA HAS BEEN KILLEEDDDDD!” Sebek cried, tears rolling down his face while he gestured his shaking hands to the broken table in front of him.

“Oh dear, it seems the vase on the table broke as well.” Malleus noted, crouching down to pick up some of the shattered white porcelain that littered the floor. “What a shame, I quite liked that vase.”

“Can we leave this matter for the morning, please.” Silver said exasperated, “We’re waking up the entirety of the dorm with this nonsense.” He gestured the hand not currently facepalming down the hallway, towards the several doors that had revealed confused and exhausted students staring directly at them.

“Ah yes, many apologies fellow students. Please go back to bed.” Malleus said, turning his head to address the growing crowd. The students turned back into their dorm rooms, grumbling about being woken up at such an ungodly hour of the morning before closing the door behind them. The fae turned back towards the wreckage, raising a hand towards it. Green magic rolled off his fingers like mist, curling around the pieces of the table and melding them together. Malleus watched as the vase put itself back together as well, setting itself down on the now fixed table with a thump.

“There, the matter has been dealt with.” He said, standing and brushing the remaining dust off of his nightclothes. “We shall find the student and have a talk with him about furniture etiquette first thing in the morning. I will be going back to bed now. Sleep well.” He offered a small smile towards the other three before turning to go back towards his room. Lilia was still trying to recover from his laughing fit, giggles still escaping him as he curled into himself.

“*sniff* Table-sama has been fixed! We must celebrate!”

“In the morning Sebek.”

“Yes I know that Silver.” Sebek snapped, wiping any remaining tears from his face. “Who in their right mind would celebrate a table being fixed at such early hours. Right then, see you in the morning.” Sebek shot up from his seated position on the floor, offering a curt nod and walking off like a solider in a marching band. It was as if he hadn’t just spent the better part of five minutes crying on the floor over a dismembered table.

“I will be heading to bed as well.” Silver yawned. “Please refrain from scaring more students tonight. We don’t need more broken furniture.”

“No promises.” Lilia wheezed, “If someone else gets scared I’ll warn them against smashing the table again.” Being too tired to respond, Silver opened the door to his room and walked inside.

“Good night father.” The door shut behind him, leaving the fae to his own devices. The rest of the night was relatively peaceful, the silence only being broken by the occasional giggling of the vice dormleader hanging from the ceiling. He was no doubt plotting who to 'accidentally' scare next, and if he was lucky, maybe he could get the unlucky victim to break something else.

More Pokemon tea party sketches:

Cinccino in a teapot, Litten in a sugar bowl, and New bringing the snacks

*idias tablet floating down the hallway

*Cheka appears out of thin air* Cheka: You got games on your tablet? Idia tablet: A CHILD-

Jamil looks sad 😔 Reblog to give him a forehead kiss / headpat

Yesssss >:)

We must all become master chefs and live under hats guiding people to cook properly. At the very least aspire to find a way to make dreams come true if cooking don't work well for you XD

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