... Don’t Even Ask XD

We are currently (re)watching Hannibal, and Boulet launched his avatar generator. This happened. From top left to bottom right: Hannibal, Will, their daughter (XD), unhappy Jack, badass Beverly, Freddie Lounds, and The Psychiatrist OvO

April’s fool swap!

Here’s my contribution to the April’s fool swap mentionned in this post!

Flufy made one too!

(English isn’t our first language, we did our best)

                                                     COMFORT

It’s a beautiful day.

After so much mist, so much water, so much smoke and mirrors and snow, he cannot feel the morning sun kiss on his face and think otherwise.

Kakashi is recovering, (so is he, actually), so they are to remain in this town for now. He hates to be stuck there, without his scrolls and books and unable to train. So much time to think, he usually welcomes it. It allows him to steel himself, to refocus himself over and over on his resolutions and to hold on tight onto his memories.

He doesn’t welcome it just now, when his mind betrays him even more than his body.

Yesterday, he almost died.

Today, when he opened his eyes, an unusual feeling sat heavy on his chest, where a stripe of sunlight fell from the window. What is the sun for ? he thinks. What is warmth for ? Why does it have to be bright, clear and so painfully comforting ? Comfort has always been but a weakness, to him. No, that isn’t the truth. There was a time when he was self-indulgent. Comfort, then, was something he allowed himself to have aplenty, something that was but distantly tainted by a sense of guilt that bore the face of his father, spoke with the voice of his father.

He almost died yesterday.

The problem doesn’t lie with the « dying » part of the sentence ; death, he knows about, he has seen its heartless work and felt its cold clutch. Death, for him, has been woved into the fabric of his very existence since he was 8. The problem lies with the « almost ». If he had either died for good or not thrown  himself in front of any lethal needles altogether… If only, he thinks in a young and small inner voice, if only he had just died. He would have been free from it all. From the pain, the memories, the hate and the thirst for revenge.

Free from the exquisite, unbearable kiss of the sun.

Naruto is being loud and cheerful, and obviously believes he does a good job at pretending everything is alright. The fool. Casual observation makes him revise his judgement, though. Yes, Naruto is a fool, but all the others are even bigger fools for not seeing through his gesticulations.

And I, the biggest fool of all, he thinks.

What is unnerving is that, having survived, he now has to deal with the implications of his (attempted) grand sacrifice. He couldn’t even die for someone properly. (He was always the disappointing one, after all.) The implications are thus : he was supposed to live and die for his objective. Not find himself so violently shaken off his intended path as to throw it all to the wind in order to save someone else’s life.

Someone else.

Naruto’s eyes dart his way for the uptenth time since the battle on the bridge settled down. Eyes a bit like Sakura’s, that weight on him. Eyes like his own mind, full of unsaid, unspeakable things that he will never aknowledge beyond mild annoyance. Yes, he’s alive, so if they could both get over it already. His eyes sure don’t keep coming back to the usuratonkachi like he was some kind of magnet, do they ? It’s not that hard, damn it. If he can just avoid looking at him directly for some time…

Actually, cross that : his eyes just met the idiot’s. As with the few previous times it has happened since the day before, it sends his brain into panick mode and he automatically makes a sour face, mirrored instantly on the usuratonkachi’s features, and they both look away. From the corner of his eye, he can see that Sakura, who apparently deals with his resurrection by sticking close to him at all times, has noticed. But there is only so much he can feel miserable about, so. Let her ponder. He’s already at his maximum, what with feigning indifference.

His controls are in shambles. This is so bad. And the day is so bright. He would glare at the sun were it not an idea so stupid even the idiot would ridicule him for it. Still, the bizarre temptation remains. He cannot glare at his preferred target for obvious reasons, and the sun would be the next best thing. He settles for closing his eyes and regrets it as soon as, instead of blood under a full moon and a room full of pain, appears a teary face with a wide, trembling grin – sunshine through rainy clouds – as if burned against his eyelids.

He heaves a silent sigh. Whatever. This isn’t the first time the usuratonkachi has puzzled him to the point of getting under his skin, and it certainly won’t be the last. (This time, though, whispers a treacherous voice that he doesn’t manage to ignore as well as Sakura’s or Kakashi’s, this time it is not about what Naruto did, like kiss him out of the blue in front of the entire class, no, this time he was the one to do something that he can’t make any sense of, like give up his life and purpose so that Naruto would keep on breathing, and keep on dreaming – but such irrelevant details are to be carefully swept aside. There is no sense in dwelling on things like emotions, bodies that move on their own, or comfort that ruthlessly takes apart the frozen cores of loneliness.)

He is grateful for the fact that the hoarseness resulting from his neck injuries gives him an excuse to be even more taciturn than usual, as it gives him time to recover from this blow on his mental balance. Small mercies. Who would want to talk on such a beautiful day, anuway ? Naruto does, of course. Naruto wouldn’t understand (though he comes the closest) and Naruto has him own way of dealing with pain.

The deadly boy, soft-spoken, and swift, and so startingly innocent : of course that idiot had to go and befriend him when he was their ennemy, right before they had to fight him – right before he had to die. This is why Naruto is a fool and Sasuke cannot understand him : how he hopes still, how he has so much to give when he received nothing but hatred and rejection. He cannot understand how He-Who-Has-Lonely-Eyes can have encountered real violence for the first time yesterday, and crack as many bad jokes and blinding smiles today.

Of course it was nothing like his own witnessing of the death of his entire clan and family. But still. This boy feels so much, he knows (he knows, perhaps, better than anyone). And he may seem shallow but he is anything but (this, also, he knows intimately).

(He so wishes he hadn’t been put on the same team as this particular boy, he so wishes it mattered as little as he lets on, as little as he initially thought it would. He so wished the mere sight of him didn’t rouse a dull ache in the pit of his stomach, right where you would steal an opponent’s breath from him; and he so wishes that none of this was so sickeningly akin to all that he tries his damnedest to kill in himself. He so wishes he was well past wishful thinking.)

He realizes that, for once, he kind of welcomes Sakura’s fussing, for she, at least, is safe to be around. It’s easy to feel a companionship with her that provides a measure of relief without threatening the very foundations upon which he built himself.

That is how he knows how very bad this is. Because even this relief shouldn’t be indulged in, and yet it feels immeasurably safer than what Naruto does to him. Even worse : he has noticed all this a long time ago, and still let it happen, this… melting of sorts.

(Naked truth : Sasuke is shaken. Badly. Shocked and furious at himself. How did he allow this to happen ? How come he cares so little about what he almost did ? As if given the chance to second-guess himself, to consider what he was about to do, he would have shielded Naruto just the same ? But hush. Hush. Such thoughts, flaring and burning, they don’t belong with him. Hush.)

Yes, he finds all of this quite unnerving. How the day is so sunny, how some people smile and brag and bounce around, how some people, cheerfully and with pugnacity, build bridges against all odds.

Yeah.

How long before this annoying awkwardness between him and the usuratonkachi dies down and is forgotten and never talked about again ? In the meantime, they’ll keep passing it off as hostility, and that will be comfortably far from anything like comfort. In theory.

If only it wasn’t such a beautiful day.

- Smuty -

Tagged by: @justatraveller (Sorry we just noticed. Thanks for tagging us =D)

Age: Flufy 24 and  Smuty 25

Biggest fear: Flufy: Not being able to be independant / Smuty : being a burden and disappointment

Current time: 13:46

Drank last: water? Soup? O.O

Every day starts with: Flufy: me waking up xD/ Smuty:  me falling back asleep XD XD XD

Favourite song: Flufy: That’s a hard one x)... but my “by default” song is My favourite things (from the Sound of Music) / Smuty: to quote Sherlock on this “too many too many TOO MANY”. I love weird stuff. And pop stuff too. Idk. Too many XD

Ghosts, are they real? Flufy: yes./ Smuty: yes.

Hometown: ... That’s complicated xD. We’re from Reunion Island... which is a tropical french island. But currently we live in Paris

Jealous of: Flufy:... That giiirrrlll *low growling* / Smuty: healthy people? Yeah.

Killed someone: Flufy: ... Whaaaaa? O_o / Smuty: Seriously, if someone had, they wouldn’t tell here XD (a girl doesn’t kill and tell trololol)

Last time I cried: Flufy: I gueeess... some weeks ago? For a boy x) / Smuty: I... think it was a couple weeks ago or more? I was feeling depressed and had zero self-confidence left XD

Middle name: Flufy: Marie Jeanne (like in “marijuana”... My parents have a sense of humor ^^” ) / Smuty: Julie. I don’t like it.

Number of siblings: Flufy: Threeeee =D / Me : Four. Some of them are half-siblings but that doesn’t change anything x)

One wish: Flufy: I wish I was with that boy *sigh*/ Smuty: yeah you guessed it, Flufy is pretty smitten right now XD Me it would be hapiness (it would include those around me because it makes me sad when others are)

Person called last: Flufy: My mom I guess... We had to talk about Christmas (yay! 3 days before I see my family again! I can’t wait x) )/ Smuty: My sister and I can’t remember why, just the usual shit I guess XD

Question always asked: Flufy: to me “Did you find a job?” (meeeeeeeeh =.=)... What I ask “How is life, family and children?” (including to people who don’t have children)/ Smuty : to myself “why do I always do that?’ (cf “bad habits” XD) to others: “how are you?” (and I mean it)

Reason to smile: Flufy: ... That boy I cried for some weeks ago >>. Obviously my friends, my geek a cappela choir =D, CHRISTMAS MUAHAHA!!/ Smuty: lots of reasons... My OTPs? My friends being affectionate? A GOOD BOOK (*cough*orfanfiction*cough*)?? Inappropriate thoughts at inappropriate times? When I witness something kind and/or amazing.

Song you last sang: Flufy: “Il n’y a pas d’amour heureux” (translated as: “There is no happy love”)/ Smuty: “Le tourbillon de la vie” (the Uzumaki whirl of life)

Time woke up: Flufy: 11am / Smuty : 11ish/12pm.... *cough*

Ugly faces, can you make them? Flufy: Of course... My favourite face is Sam Winchester XD / Smuty: don’t listen to her, she’s still beautiful as Sam (when she does her “ERMEHGERD” face on the other hand...) And yes. Yes I can. XD

Vacation destination: Flufy: If you mean “my next vacation” (which is now), it’s Montpellier... And generally speaking... I’d like to go to Iceland... yeah/ Smuty: Iceland first comes to mind too. On vacation in a few days I’m going to Annecy. But otherwise, wow, don’t make me chose, I want to go almost everyfuckingwhere.

Worst habit: Flufy: me lacking of self confidence... and procrastination >>/ Smuty: procrastination, curse of my life since forever

Favourite food: Flufy: Avocado. And sushis. / Smuty: depends on the moment and the season but I mainly love vegetables and fruits and brown rice and NUTS and chocolate and coconut and raspberries and berries in general and brocolis and avocado and chestnut oil and GARLIC and olive oil andoaghaoriz (I love food yes). AND BREAD.

Zodiac: Flufy: Capricorn (They are the best v.v) / Smuty: (no they are the WORST) Gemini (we are kinda the worst also but we’re awesomely cool okay?)

I tag: @surfacage @eternity-of-moon-and-sun @tomoe-au

i never know what to do with the body when i do these so here’s one of those things with arms™

Headcanon in which they got curious after that first kiss and there was quite a lot of a follow up on it….

- Smuty -

New avatar!! WOOHOO! - Smuty -

Happy birthday Flufy! Hope you have a great one!

Aw thank you so much ❤️It was indeed a great day ! - Flufy -

I think this is the last of the series! ^.^ Here have some scared Sasuke with a sassy crow =D

-Flufy-

Another Draw the squad I did like, a month ago, and totally forgot to post x)

- Flufy -

Here is (one of) my contribution for the Johnlock fandom

- Flufy -