I Feel Like I Am The Only One Worried About This

thinking about how Jeremy knows that Jean is afraid of water but not necessarily that he was waterboarded at evermore.

thinking about how Jean knows that Jeremy got clean off coke but not necessarily that he spent 5 weeks in rehab.

thinking about how Jeremy takes the stairs with Jean because Jean is claustrophobic but he doesn’t know Jean was locked in a box.

thinking about how Jean lets Jeremy nap instead of practicing because he’s tired but doesn’t know he’s fallen asleep driving.

thinking about how Jeremy knows Jean had feelings for Kevin but not how deep the pain of Kevin’s betrayal truly goes.

thinking about how Jean has no idea that Jeremy was left high and dry by the first man that was more than just a hookup to him.

thinking about how Jeremy doesn’t know Jean cried so hard he almost vomited after Grayson’s attacks back in the Nest.

thinking about how Jean doesn’t know that Bryson has threatened to plant drugs if Jeremy doesn’t fail the LSAT.

thinking about how Jeremy doesn’t know that Jean has had his life sworn away to a man who can and will use him as an income.

thinking about how Jean doesn’t know that Jeremy’s entire life and future are locked away somewhere that Jeremy doesn’t even know.

thinking about how Jeremy doesn’t know that Jean wouldn’t have lived in any other life.

thinking about how Jean doesn’t know that Jeremy would’ve been waiting forever for him.

just thinking about them and what they don’t know about each other.

also on a lighter note:

thinking about how Jeremy doesn’t know that Jean crushed hard on his photos.

thinking about how Jean doesn’t know that he is undeniably Jeremy’s exact type.

thinking about how Jeremy doesn’t know that Jean’s favorite color is brown because of his eyes.

thinking about how Jean doesn’t know that Jeremy saw gold peonies reflected in his eyes during the fireworks.

Some of my fav out of context quotes for my current WIP :

"I'm convinced your last brain cell is a ping pong ball and I'm pretty sure it had a hole in it."

"You hate me." [He says lovingly]

She smiles. (This one is significant for trans reasons 🥲)

"Your father could never hate you, mine could never love me"

"I don't think its often that 'foul' and 'beautiful' are used to discribe the same thing." (This pleases her)

"Mr. Jones has had to put up with you two brain-dead gentlemen for fifteen years..."

"Never anger. Jealousy, but never anger."

"I never meant to love you" (this one was devastating to write)

"...that coffin is where he belongs and I'm grateful that he is gone." (Get his ass!)

"You shouldn't, 'good' is a word I would never use to describe myself."

"Have you ever dug a grave?" (Hehehehe [menacing])

Something I always tell myself, "You can not have beauty without imperfections." Im not sure where I originally heard this or if its my own, but I do know for certain it helps me on projects, it could be anywhere from painting to writing, all forms of art are simply beautiful in their mistakes.

Okay, I'm supposed to be sleeping but I need to make this or I'll die.

We're all talking about how this is the only universe where Jean lives, but the same applies to Jeremy. Throughout TSC and TGR there are multiple references of how Jeremy views his 5th year as his "last year". The most damming is this:

I think it's fair to say that Jeremy was planning to kill himself after he finished college. He'd be forced to do the LSAT, and it doesn't matter if he succeedes or not, Mathilda would never allow him to pursuit a career on professional Exy. Even without Jean, the Trojans would surely win this year Championships, and Jeremy would have the taste of the life he can't have. He'd be forced to abandon the only thing that brings him purpose and joy; the only thing that allows him to be himself without expectations; and do something he hates for the rest of his life. He'd reach his breaking point.

We know Jeremy is very close to the edge. It may not appear, mainly because of how hard he avoids dealing with his crumbling mental state. He's like this big, beautiful and lush tree that's completely hollowed out and rotten on the inside. It looks healthy and strong, but one strong wind and it topples like a piece of paper. Jeremy is on his last strings. He may not kill himself in every timeline, but he'd be like Andrew without Neil: joyless.

The only thing that brings him away from the edge is Jean. Jean is the one who gives Jeremy strength to confront his family. Beacuse Jean makes his life worth fighting for. The same way Jeremy makes Jean's life worth living.

They are truly meant for the other. They are soulmates in the purest, most literal form, for one cannot live without the other. Jean is destined to die without his Sun. Jeremy is destined to snuff out without his Moon.

This is exactly what I meant when I said crash out

Let him be violent!! Yes, all of the ideas of doing pottery and biking are amazing, but those are sources of happiness, he still needs a rage outlet. I love the idea of him finding happiness in mundane things and I truly hope we get some of that, but I don't think he is going to be able to heal until he actually feels and processes his anger, because he truly is a raging inferno of hatred, let him burn things so something new can grow in the ashes.

"Jean considered biting the fingers that slipped pills between his lips" tsc p11

"Jean felt the tendrils of an old and ugly rage stir, and he knotted a bruised hand in the sheets like he could somehow hold it at bay through sheer force alone." p22-23

"'If you tell me to follow his lead, I will cut your throat open with my teeth', Jean said." p26

"The urge to tear Nathaniel's face open was so fierce he could barely breathe." p28

"It was the only way this worked: if Jean signed something that said he had to behave to be allowed to stay on the lineup, he could bite his tongue and stay his fists. It'd piss him off beyond the telling, but he could follow orders if it meant surviving another day. Without that black-and-white command his nature would get the better of him sooner or later, and then there'd be no saving him." p65-66

"Finding out he was little more than Riko's dog outside of practices had him lashing out with all the youthful rage he could muster." p79

"He was furious at Abby for implying he'd never tried to fight [...] 'Fuck you,' Jean said quietly, then louder: 'Fuck you.'" p79

"Jean couldn't explain that restless rage" p90

"'Yes,' he said, and if he didn't sound sure, he at least sounded angry. 'Let them all burn. I hope none of them survive.'" p142

"He wanted to throw Jeremy into a wall just to prove he could" p242

"Jean was a starving dog on a short chain who'd learned years ago not to bite back." p252

Things I want to happen school bus graveyard

• Aiden to lose it and go apeshit one someone (phantom or a person)

• for Ashlyn to be genuinely happy for more than one panel 🥲

• Ben to say something (whispering or yelling, maybe sometime happens and he no longer cares what he sounds like/ how bad it hurts)

• ( specifically in the facility ) one of them to get fatally hurt and the others all desperatly trying to break out of their rooms/break the lock ( I dont really want anyone to die but I think it would make for a great scene for them to use like the dresser drawers or something to bust out)

• For Taylor to save the day via mechanical skills (escape car?)

• For the parents (specifically Jessica 😠) to finally understand the extent of what their kids have gone through

Jeremy Knox in an Underwear ad

I just had this idea of him getting offered a magazine ad after a game and it being for a sports company with a new underwear line. (also just a practice for anatomy because I'm not great at it)

zoomed in ones under the cut.

Jean, Cat and Laila would definitely go with him, the girls would be taking videos of the awkward set ups and him messing up while Jean is hanging on for dear life.

I meant to add a quote of him saying "Do I get to keep these?" but I forgot. Oopies

There are too mamy itches in my brain. Andreil. Its a peaceful Saturday morning and they're sleeping in, sun just barely filtering through the window as they cuddle together. Neil's pressed against Andrews side and Andrew has an arm around him laying on his back. The phone rings waking them both and Andrew goes to turn it off but its a call from Aaron, a FaceTime. So he answers, groggy and half asleep. He wakes up more after noticing that Aarons been crying.

"You're still in bed" chuckles from the other end of the phone

"Its the weekend, you're crying?" Andrew cuts the small talk and Neil peaks open an eye out of curiosity.

"We have some news" Katelyn wiggles her way onto the screen standing behind Aaron. "We're pregnant" she give a small happy dance. Andrew stares blankly for a moment.

"Youre going to be an uncle." Aaron says, clearly a bit nervous but mostly proud.

"How long?" Is the only response he can think of.

"I'm currently eight weeks, so give or take another 32 weeks, but theres more."

"More?" Andrew sits up a bit dragging Neil with him.

"Twins" Aaron finishes. Neil muffles a laugh into Andrew's shoulder.

"Good luck with that. If they are anything like you, your hands will be full."

"Shut up" Andrew and Aaron say in sync. Neil just laughs again with a shrug.

"You're not saying much." Aaron presses, fiddling with a pen.

"He's excited" Neil says, looking up at him. Andrew scoff and pushes his face away "he's got that look in his eyes, he happy" Andrew shoves Neil off of him.

"If you ever need anything," Andrew mumbles grumpily to which Aaron nods.

"We will be posting updates on our socials, but we wanted you to know first" katelyn says before disappearing off screen.

"Yeah okay." They talk a bit more before hanging up. Andrew stares at the black screen, processing everything.

"Whats on your mind?" Neil whispers crawling back over to him.

"I'm going to be an uncle. He wants me to be apart of it. Of their lives."

"Of course he does, you're his brother."

"A year ago, I would have never gotten that phone call." He drops the phone on his chest, letting it lay face down. Neil lets him be lost in thought for a moment, then reaches out and brushes the hair from his face.

"You two fixed your relationship. Of course he wants you to know his kids."

"Have you ever thought about it?" Andrew picks at his nails, not looking at Neil.

"About what? Drew, what are you asking?"

"Kids. Have you thought about it?"

"I think I'd make a terrible father. I didn't think you were the type to want kids"

"We dont have to be parents. We could foster. Its just an idea, i dont know." Andrew sits up, tossing his legs over the bed. "I don't even think kids would like me." Neil sits up too, watching Andrew's back.

"Do you want to foster children?" Andrew just shrugs at the question, not facing him.

"We could, it would be one more good house in all of the bad ones. Kids might not like us but theyd have their own room. A warm bed and a safe place to be." His words are quiet, contemplating. "Its just a thought."

"We can always look into it. I wouldn't mind."

"An uncle. He wants me to be an uncle." Andrews thoughts go full circle and Neil cant help but smile. Their future seems bright, and possibly filled with young laughter and toys. Neil inches his way to him and whispers "yes or no" a mumbled yes and Neil trails little kisses down Andrews neck, hugging his back to him.

"This also technically makes me an uncle, think Aarons upset about that yet?" Andrew rolls his eyes at him, earning another laugh.

Been working on my OC's some more, finally got around to attempting to do Annaliese 😅 I fear she is too pretty for my level of talent

Mostly just bored sketches that I did while not paying attention

Hc that Neil Josten has an insanely high pain tolerance yet says 'ow' to everything. Bumped his knee on the coffee table? Chirps out a little 'ow' subconsciously. Knocks over his water bottle with his foot? Instinctively says 'ow' as he leans over to pick it up, nevermind the fact it barely taped his shoe. Andrew watches him do this at least a dozen times before he has to say something when Neil drops something that doesnt even touch him but he still mutters an 'ow shit' before scooping it up.

"That didnt hurt." Andrew deadpans

"What do you mean?"

"You said 'ow', it didnt even touch you."

"Did I?"

"Yes, you do it every time."

"Never noticed"

*deadpan flabbergasted*