Know Your Roots

And one day.... She'll take it all back.

JW. Blood of The Raven King

The Naboo Royal Handmaidens are a group of young women handpicked to aid the Queen of Naboo. On the surface, it appears as if the handmaidens only assist with the Queen’s gowns, hairstyles, and makeup. However, they are all trained in self-defense and remain vigilant against any threats to their sovereign. In fact, during times of turmoil, a handmaiden actually poses as the Queen. The Naboo Royal Handmaidens have been selected for their various talents as well as for their resemblance to the Queen, which is useful if a decoy is required. After being invited to join the Queen’s entourage, each handmaiden was trained in self defense and marksmanship. They often carry small, concealable blasters.

Judeth Clayton: Queen, Disrupted

Don’t Tear Away From Me

I Need You to Hold On To

How Can This Mean Anything To Me?

When All You Do Is Keep Bleeding Through

|||

My history is written in Blood & Gold

I am Judeth Clayton; Queen, Interrupted

I am Judeth Clayton; Queen, Disrupted

{{[[ @f0rtis-fortuna-adiuvat   ||  @lalienna-dementriento ]]}}

Tea Sets | Teapots, Cups and Saucers | Fresh Biscuits | Strawberry Jam | Fresh cut flowers | A friend's laughter | Long train rides | Glittering lavender afternoons | Wagging Dog tails | Hot tea on a cold morning

Dishonored

Keanu Reeves as Corvo Attano - Riccardo Scamarcio as The Outsider 

A behind-the-scenes look at Keanu Reeves’s GQ cover

God he was bitter. Blood boiling, red anger. Ares had texted him as he was sorting his bags, ready to leave, take his car to the air port. Unfinished business in Vienna. He left on a "family medical emergency" but they wouldn't hold her papers forever. It had been three weeks now, he had to go back. Even if he did want to slap her face. he pulled out his phone and read the message: 'Boss... you're being a fuck. Her real dad is here. The bastard that left her and her mother to die. He's actually come right into the hotel and he's downstairs with her now. Hector and Chris are guarding. But she's fucked over. And she's aching for you. You gotta let this go, Tino. It's not fair.'

He texted her back. He shouldn't have. But he'd finally had enough of her constant digging. Her and his entire Guard. He couldn't free himself from any of them. Christov, Marcus, Tony, Hector, Curtis.... Ares just added to the fire. So he gave in. Jabbing at his screen. His eyes stinging with unshed tears. And his shoulder burned where he'd be shot last week. Grazed by a bullet because he'd been careless on the field thinking of her in the middle of a hit job in Whitechapel that didn't go down according to plan. She was doing this to him. Making him lose focus. Lose control. 'She fucked another woman.' He pressed Send. Threw the phone on the bed and went to get his jacket out of the wardrobe. His arms had just slipped through when his phone went off again. He picked it up...Though he didn't want to. Unlocked the screen. And read Ares' reply. 'Marissa Conti Mark 2. Your call Boss.'

That cut him. He turned and with a roar he threw the phone into his bedroom mirror with such force the glass exploded in the antique gilded frame sending shards smashing out into all directions. The sound of glass cracking and giving way to impact. Like his heart was. Like his torn soul. Chaos... pain and chaos... Her father was here? Her biological father?   Really? He checked his holster. Four magazines, his beloved Baretta 92S, loaded and ready to go off. He flicked his thumb over the safety, releasing it. Fuck hotel rules. Fuck this stranger in his head. In his heart. He wanted to kill her. That's why he took to the streets and got reckless. Coming home shot up and bleeding over Sable's counter. "Rough night, Mr. D'Antonio?" The concierge asked. "Sempre duro, ultimamente." (Always rough, lately.) He'd answered.

He left the room behind. In the ruins of a broken mirror. His phone on the ground... the words appearing on the spiderweb of cracked glass that made up his broken screen. 'Marissa Conti Mark 2. Your call Boss.'

Ares sent the whole crew an SOS text. 'Guys... I think Tino's coming downstairs. He's going to be pissed off at us, big time. I just learned why he's been so salty this month. Lali's fucked another girl! No wonder! Guys, I mentioned Marissa again... I'm fucked right?'

Curtis responded. Marcus responded. 'We'll make your funeral arrangements babe. What colour you want your casket?' 'I'll go get a priest. Last Rites in Latin. Riposa in pace, Ares Vanguard.'

Sir Sable greeted the Italian crime boss with a bow of his head. "Good afternoon, Mr. D'Antonio. Your car is awaiting collection out front. Is there anything else I can do to ease you into your flight?" Santino's eyes were hard. He'd lost his smile a month ago and walked like a man ready for war. "Mr. DeMentriento, Lalienna's father is here?" "In the drawing rooms, Sir. With Miss DeMentriento. And she appears extremely distressed." "How much to make you lift house rules?" The question was fired as a bullet. He came at the counter now and looked Sable dead in the eyes. The two men glared daggers at each other. Sable was furious. Murder? In his house?! Unthinkable! "Can you really afford Excommunication, Mr. D'Antonio?" A growl, through gritted teeth. Sable reared like a wolf. He asked without flinching. He meant it. He'd make the call to Jeremy. "Can you? Prince of Rome?"

He won. Santino backed away. A smile that didn't reach his eyes played about his features. "No." He stepped away from the counter. Away from Sable whose hand was on the phone. And he stalked the lobby. Ares appeared from the gardens. And Marcus from the stairwell. The pair flanked him. Silent. They were tense. Tight. Militant. Marching two paces behind the Italian prince. The doors of the drawing room were opened back for the trio. There she was.... This was the first time he'd laid eyes on her in a month. And there was a man beside her... in front of her. Talking. Chistov eyed down his employer. Anger and pity upon his face. Fucking Ares.... she'd told them everything, hadn't she? Did they read the text? Did they now know the truth? Why he was angry?

Hector was appeared now, tense and aggravated. He’d gotten the text. He read everything. Christov signed to him: ‘Dude, you were supposed to hold him up? Distraction!’

Hector replied with quick hands: ‘Bad timing. This could get ugly. Watch for his guns. Protect Lali.’

"Lalienna. Santino stopped his march just inside the room. Waiting  for her to turn. To face him. He wanted to see the damage. The ruins he'd dragged her through. Was that her father? That man right there? He breathed in... a shuddering breath. Breathed out. Stepped forward. Extended his hand. This was his lover's father. He'd pay his respects. Even if he did want to put a bullet in his fucking brain. "Signore.... I'm your daughter's intended. Santino D'Antonio, how do you do?"

Tears formed in her jade eyes, lip quivering slightly. She held back a sob, taking a breath.

“You...you never wanted me?” It felt as though her heart was breaking. Literally. The strings of her cardiac muscles were snapping, leaving her in the worst pain she’s ever felt... and she’s felt a lot of shit. She’s been through the worst, through hell. But this...this was worse. She couldn’t catch her breath. Her lungs wouldn’t produce the oxygen needed to stay alive. God, make it stop. Stop it! She couldn’t handle it. She clutched her heart, squeezing the fabric of her shirt in her fists. Her eyes broke. They relayed how she felt. So so so so ruined. So torn. So...worthless. Thrown away.

————

@f0rtis-fortuna-adiuvat // here is your angst. Do with it what you will. ;) have fun, my angel of sadness.

"Fuck... daddy!"

Mmh.

Yeah.

He liked that.

That felt good.

The way she rubbed herself against him. Touched him, kissed him. It was erotic. Hot. He knew deep down he shouldn't touch her. This was the bosses' girl. But she was so... Hungry? Yeah, she made him hard. He caught himself staring. Those heels, those legs, those hips, that ass. Damn. Boss is a lucky man. He wanted a piece of that action. But Nah man. His brothers elbowed his ribs. Shook there heads. Look but don't touch they said. Okay. So he tried to not satisfy himself remembering the night he watched his boss eat that pussy down the length of a scope.

That made him cum hard. Way harder than was prudent. And he'd gotten hot with his boss before. Been a daddy then too. The Prince came home, pissed off, hurt after a bad fight in the streets. So he got him cleaned up, got him a drink. Lit him a smoke. Rubbed him down like a lathering horse. Right there, between his legs. Great big Italian cock. Felt good in his hands. Both boys got... Experimental. Good night. Really good night. He was on guard duties a lot more after that. But this!? The bosses' dancer. Yeah, he made her dance. Deep. Against his tongue. Made her watch as he sucked her deep into his mouth and roll under pleasure. He didn't make her beg. Just focused on getting her there. Three times.

Mmh. Now he understood what Tino tasted in her. Sweet. Lusty. He liked performing for her. And yeah, he even had a tattoo on the underside of his cock in a calligraphic script that read the words ' Until it hurts'. He liked cumming for her. Moaning and grinding his hips. He almost asked her to get on. He was a big boy but he knew she'd adjust. Girls always did. He wanted to know what she felt like on the inside. But he didn't ask. Touching himself under her eyes was enough. He loved being her attack dog. In the morning. No regrets. He cleaned her up. Fed and kissed her. Sent her back to her Papi. ‘Cos Tino was a stud. He deserved to be tapping that. He'll, he almost did. But he made her promise. No calls, no texts. No marks on her body. Just a knock on his door. Late. After work. Glass of wine. Good meal. He'd go hungry just to eat her. Fuck. He was addicted to this rush.

"Wanna touch it, baby?" His body. Her fingers over the words. He wanted to purr for her.

Until it hurts.

{[ @lalienna-dementriento @f0rtis-fortuna-adiuvat   || You aren’t the only one that did a thing. I did it too. And we are taking this too far. Right to the end of the line. It’s sinfully delicious, the mess this Camorra crew are capable of getting themselves into when it comes to love. ]}

Daddy. Not Papi

@laserglassspider - @f0rtis-fortuna-adiuvat // I uh...did a thing...and uhm...yeah.

———

“I can’t sleep. Hector is with someone...Ares is with Santino...tony and Marcus and I aren’t that close. Can I-“

She didn’t even have to finish. Christov let his door swing open completely, allowing her entrance. She thanked him softly, stepping past him. She left her shoes neatly by the door, noticing now that her coworker wore only loose fitted pants. She had never seen all of his tattoos. Her eyes trailed down his chest, the bear on his abdomen baring it’s fangs at her. She smiled slightly, making her way around him to his back. He stayed still, allowing her to check him out. Like a cat stalking something. Or a wolf. Seeing if he was a friend or foe.

“I was your last choice? Ouch.” His hand went to his check in mock hurt. His voice was husked from sleep, the gravel of his tone making her stomach flip. She laughed slightly, backing off from him, distracting her eyes by taking in his rooms.

“No, I just...didn’t want to annoy you or bother you. You may have company.” She suggested with a dark tone, a smirk on her lips. She never saw the women he was with. He was discrete. Shuffled them in and out quickly. Never staying overnight. She didn’t know what his type was. He chuckled, shaking his head.

“Just missed them.” He teased. “Come on, babygirl. You know you can always come to me, right? How long have you been up?” It was past four am. She debated just getting ready for the day. Still, she wore shorts and a thin strapped tank top, eyes tired and dark under her eyes.

“I haven’t gone to sleep yet...” she admitted.

“God, woman! Let’s go. Bed. Now.” He pointed, directing her to his bedroom. His tone threw her off, swallowing thickly as a slight arousal washed over her. No, no. She was tired and missing her papi. Her papi... she missed him. So so much. That was all. She wasn’t fighting a slight shaking of her thighs as he commanded her...

She obeyed his commands, biting her lip. The bed was messed as he had been sleeping. A half finished wine glass sat atop the bedside table. She looked to him, a suggestive smile, cheeky. He took care of his women.

“Long day.” He corrected. “Earlier was a joke. There were no guests over tonight beside you. You may rest easy knowing the sheets are virgin of a woman’s touch.

She blushed, turning her head. She crawled onto the mattress, the crisp white sheets smelling of him. He took residence on the other side, yawning deeply.

“Sorry to wake you. Thank you.” She met his eyes.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. Get some sleep. I’ll protect you.” His eyes shimmered with something...she couldn’t place what it was. Her eyes traveled down his ink, awed at the dark marks. A smile appeared on his face, laying on his back so she could see better.

“Wanna touch em?”

“Can I?” She asked, slightly afraid to. He nodded, amusement on his features.

“I’m not gonna hurt you.im you’re attack dog, babygirl. Promise I don’t bite...that hard.”

“I do.” She mumbled without much thought, smiling sheepishly as she realized what she said. She avoided his dark gaze, instead looking at his shoulder. She reached out, running her fingers down his arm, tracing a head of a cobra. It’s tongue was frozen on its lower lip, fangs tearing up at her. He seemed to have a whole zoo on his arm. A flower bloomed on his forearm. On his elbow was a spider web.

“Do they have meanings?” She asked like a bewildered child. She was entranced by their beauty, the sexiness. She liked the pain when she was given her coat of arms. It was erotic and sensual. She fed from it. Did he like the pain as well?

“Some. A lot are drunken night when I was younger.” Christov answered, blinking slowly, wanting to capture this moment forever. Goosebumps rose where her fingers landed. She brushed over his strong hands, veins prominent. She nearly moaned, imagining his grip around her throat. Tattoos everywhere, even on his fingers.

“What’s...this one from?” She pointed to a bird on his wrist, pulling his hand closer to her to examine it.

“That was in Vienna. Maybe three years ago. I saw a bird while on the job and I liked it. I got the guy to draw it pretty exact.”

She met his eyes, nodding slightly.

“Pretty. Or...whatever you’re supposed to call men’s tattoos. Handsome?” She asked herself, laughing. “It’s sexy.” She decided finally. Next she went to his neck, tracing tentacles along his skin. Some type of octopus. They went all along his neck, to the back of it and spreading to his shoulders. She grunted slightly, motioning for him to turn. He did, lying now on his stomach. She straddled his back, licking her lips.

“This okay?” She asked. He chuckled. She could feel him underneath her...

“Yeah, baby.” God, his voice...

She prayed he couldn’t feel her arousal through her shorts, hating herself for feeling this way. She wasn’t his. He wasn’t hers. They worked together. Co workers. He acted as her protector... like a brother. But she didn’t want him as a brother right now... his boss was her boyfriend. Yet, she stayed as she was, moving up his back, scratching her nails gently back down. He sighed, eyes shutting as he relaxed. The day had worn him out. Running errands for his boss like a slave all day even though he was in another country. Leaving his Spanish flower alone...unattended....horny...it was almost as though he was asking for her to get fucked. Maybe that’s why he took ares. Because he knew they were frisky. He probably didn’t think that Lalienna would try anything with his other men. Hector was an obvious no. They were close siblings. Hector was her brother by association. It would be weird. She never thought of him that way. She didn’t really notice Christov either...she knew he was handsome. Sexy. But she hadn’t become aroused by him. Not until tonight. Tattoos...his tattoos against his flesh. The way his muscles contracted and expanded as he moved. Breathed. She was a mess.

Lalienna didn’t know what came over her. Whether she was possessed or simply went insane, but she bent down and kissed the back of his neck, tracing the ink with her finger. That was fine. It was a chaste kiss...but she didn’t stop there. Oh no... she kept going.

Her tongue then traced the tentacle under his hairline, clawing at his shoulder slightly. Maybe that was a bit risqué...but it could be fine. If she had stopped....

Kissing to the crook of his neck, hands roaming his back... she bared her fangs like the snake on his arm, sinking her teeth into the flesh above his shoulder blade. And she had moaned, rolling her hips involuntary against him. His eyes opened, moving his neck to allow better access for her lips. She was given permission, not denied this pleasure. Her lips ghosted his ear, whispering darkly.

“You’re my attack dog? Then attack.” Her sultry tone, her lips against his skin, her hands, her hips grinding against him drove him insane. He was quick to move, her falling against the mattress barely having enough time to react as he pinned her down, holding her chin. Those eyes. Boring into her, ripping her heart out, lighting a fire inside of her flower. She burned with passion and arousal, biting her lip suggestively, writhing underneath him slightly.

‘Do something....please.’ She eyed him. He growled huskily; it drove her mad, arching her back off the mattress to feel him...his erection. She shivered in delight knowing he was enjoying this as much as she was.

“You’re not my papi. But you can be my daddy for the night.” She whispered in his ear, tugging on his lobe as she brought her head back against the sheets. Another growl.

Papi was passionate. It was personal. An emotional name she had given Santino. Her caregiver.

Daddy held no meaning. Simply someone she wanted in the moment. Christov had been called daddy many times before by many women. He held that aura. He was powerful, strong, a daddy. He enjoyed it. It was a turn on. Maybe a fetish. And now...this young Spanish maiden was begging for him.

“Santino would kill me. And you...you know this, babygirl.” He said in a semi defeated tone. She shrugged, giggling.

“Yes, if we fucked.”

His eyebrow raised, catching her hint. Sex...what was the textbook definition? A male penetrating a female with his manhood... so...that meant that head and oral weren’t sex by definition...

That also meant that when his thumb found her erect nipple from under her shirt that...it wasn’t sex. It was fine. And, when but at her neck, that it was okay. She pushed him slightly though, shaking her head.

“No marks. No hickeys. Okay?” She grabbed his face, narrowing her eyes.

“Yes ma’am.” He answered, dipping his lower half of his body against hers. Her legs spread for him, wrapping around his waist. She rolled her eyes, laughing.

“You’re older than me, daddy.” She watched as his eyes darkened, lust washing over him. She smiled, nipping at his lower lip. She found the waistband of his pants, palming his arousal through the fabric. He groaned hotly, attacking her lips as he pushed her flat against the mattress. His hand snakes up her shirt, squeezing her breast over her bra. She thanked her past self for dressing in purple lace tonight. He was careful as his lips trailed down her body to her stomach to not mark her. She watched with intense curiosity as his tattooed hands ran up her thighs, up her shorts. She whimpered, shivering in ecstasy. She throbbed against his touch.

“Daddy...Christov...”

she had said his name before, sure. When’s he greeted him or wanted his attention. But never like this...the breathy pleasurable sigh. Like a prayer fleeting from her lips. He craved it.

She pushed herself up in her elbows, pulling him into a passionate kiss, her tongue dancing with his.

“Lay down.” She whispered hurriedly, lifting the tank top from her body, placing it to the side. She resisted the urge to fold it, shaking herself from the thought. She’d be fine.... no, she wouldn’t. She folded it, shimmying out of her shorts as well and folding them, returning to her dark lover of tonight. She adored his ink, kissing up his arms while she straddled his abdomen, his hands on her hips and pushing his groin up against her ass. The thin fabric of his pants and her underwear did little to interrupt grinding his manhood along her skin. She gasped, gripping his shoulders, biting her lip to suppress a moan.

“I want to hear you, princess.”

“We’re going to get a noise complaint, daddy. Besides, do you really think it’s a good idea to be loud when tony is not five doors down?” She now moved between his legs, but not before he pushed her down against his chest, grabbing her barely covered butt, bringing her heat hard against him. She moaned then, hiding her face in his chest as she sighed and groaned, nipping at his flesh in a frenzy.

“Fuck, daddy....”

her eyes traveled up to his as she kissed just above the fabric, licking her lips in anticipation. She wanted to taste him. Intended to. But he was faster, flipping them once more, tsking.

“No, baby. You’re the one who can’t sleep. Let me wear you out.” A dirty smirk on his lips. He dipped his head to lick up her flower above the fabric teasingly.

“Daddy!” She whined, gripping the sheets. He chuckled against her, nose rubbing against her bundle of nerves. Finally he ripped the fabric from her body, tearing the fibers. She gasped, panting in need. His tongue lapped at her opening, demanding her eyes. He would fuck her with his tongue and make her keep eye contact. Again and again he sucked, licked, teasing her with his mouth. Anytime she shut her eyes or moved them from his gaze, he would stop, waiting for her attention once more. She hated him for this, but quickly learned to keep contact, needing his attention on her needy core. She came hard against his tongue, nearly screaming his name along with a string of Spanish curses, gripping his hair. All while looking into those eyes. Christov licked her clean like a dog devouring a meal, moaning softly against her flower. She tried to protest against him continuing, wanting to repay him. He simply shushed her with a gentle nibble against her clit. That shut her up quickly, falling apart quickly after. She came three times before passing out from exhaustion, mumbling a Thanks as christov tucked her in, kissing her forehead. He held a sly grin on his lips, stroking himself slowly till he got off, the memory of her moans and taste still on his tongue being enough to send him over the edge. He fell back against the mattress, and Lalienna curled herself into him, sleeping soundly.

“All you gotta do is ask, babygirl. I’ll take care of you.” He mumbled into her hair, eyes becoming heavy as he too fell into a slumber.

Part Two

It wasn't right.

His thoughts screamed it. Even though his body rejected his mind's reasoning. Even though she was overwhelming him with her touch. Leaving him aching, raw. There was something... something about her. He couldn't put his finger on it. It was slipping. It just wasn't right.

And he adored the way she kissed him. Deep, hungry. Chasing his tongue. Cheeky minx. He purred against her lips. Sighing, giving over. Laughing happily against the kiss. His thoughts again interfered, he should have  been ashamed of himself. Tainting her passion when his kiss had just been shared amongst the nerve undulating high of cocaine and inside Christov's mouth. He should have at least brushed his teeth to spare her tasting the remnants of the other man's saliva. That was... illicit. Dirty. He wondered about how she felt, witnessing that scene downstairs. It had been intense. Fuelled by aggravation that started extremely sincere, but when he realized the absolute ridiculous nature of the insult he spat, whatever he was angry about just.. disappeared into the ether. And he was unable to keep a straight face. Nor could Christov. That was wrong. Really wrong. She shouldn't have been subjected to that. Here he was a mere month prior lecturing her, snapping like a dog against her about her indiscretion and infidelity with another woman and he had committed virtually the same sin directly in front of her.

Was she too high to realize what was going on?

He wondered if he'd have to explain himself in time.

He couldn't believe it. This is really what consumed his thoughts even as his lover was lacing her tongue against his throat. Lower.. along his chest. His hands found her back, her silken hair...

"Yeah... yeah that's it baby... more...Uh... yes..." She had him. His nipple in her mouth. Fuck.... fuck he loved it when she did that. He arched off the bed, desperate for contact. His body raging between his thighs. The ache in his manhood becoming blinding. All encompassing. It had been ages since he fucked a woman while high on coke. He loved doing it. Every sensation just heightened a thousand fold. She was edging him beautifully. He was whimpering mess of red desire beneath her lips.

Christov flooded his thoughts again. They'd both been high that night in Singapore. Deep in the underground where they shouldn't have been. They'd escaped by the skin of their teeth. And those possessing drugs of any kind were sentenced to almost imidiate execution without trial. The nation had little respect for foreigners and aliens bringing their filthy narcotics into their clean land. They had both been bleeding. Christov was a dog. He'd begun by wiping the blood from Tino's lips first with his fingers, apologizing for not having served better. Then with his kiss. What came over the two men in that backstreet industrial alleyway was inexplicable. They tore at each other's clothes. Pushed each other against the slightly greasy brickwork and kissed. Not the cordial, respectful, chaste kisses of brothers. No. This had gotten deeper. Darker. They confessed things to each other without saying a word. Just with their eyes. That they wanted to fuck. To break the rules. Because there were some lines that you didn't cross in the Camorra. That honor and family was the most sanctimonious. You just didn't do it. Confused business with pleasured. Blurred the line between colleagues and lovers.

But they did... They did.

That line was crossed.

And they both got off on it with reckless abandon.

They'd never say a word. They'd take this secret to their graves. No one would have to know. But they did. Even though they never said a word to the rest of the guard, they seemed to intrinsically figure it out for themselves. And they weren't angry about it. Why? Because he was their employer, maybe. Because they were wearing his money and riding on his coat tails? Perhaps. Because they were Italian and bisexuality was as normal as the air you breathed. Also a strong possibility. Because they reasoned that his heart wasn't in it entirely. Because his primary focus had always been on women. True. True.

Whatever it was, they relaxed about him. And in the privacy of his estate he relaxed the rules on them as well. He'd know for a while that Curtis and Tony were going likely going steady. Even though they never talked about it and sought to take women as their partners. Mostly for show. Because it was better if Lorenzo didn't have to think too hard about what his High Guard was really like.

He'd been married for almost thirty years. He wouldn't understand anyway. Not without explosive repercussions. They didn't need that.

So Christov never let it go. That one night in Singapore. When they were strung out on cocaine and drunk on fear and pain and pressure. Running from their enemies, running from the law. Running from themselves.

They accepted each other a lot more readily than they should have. But it had felt good.

Ridiculous. He pushed the thoughts of the other man away. Lalienna was working his skin. Descending his abs and stripping him of his will to fight her. Her kisses were hot, burning. He could hear himself begging. But he sounded as though it was coming from somewhere else in the room. It was the coke. He wasn't fighting the high. He was rolling with it. He wanted it... His cock in her mouth... Those deep, decadent strokes. Fuck it. He'd bend her over the bed and take her from behind. He was wild with the desire to see his body covered in her blood. It was a fantasy. A filthy illusion that suggested he'd taken her virginity. She was bleeding for him. She always bled for him.

The scar... healing at her throat that alluded to his initial. He pulled her hair back just so he could see the 'S'. Hear her whimper.

"You high right now, baby?" He needed to know... She didn't feel right. She didn't look or sound right all night since she came downstairs.

"Lali... Tesoro, sei alto?" (Treasure, are you high?) She lapped at his groin, teasing him with her tongue before looking up at him from her knees. Her eyes unfocused. She looked pale. Weakening. She wasn't there. And he knew what that was liked. He'd fucked strung out whores before that made offers to do things that were inhumane just so long as they got enough cash to make it for the next hit.

"Mm? Sort of Papi... painkillers." He nodded shifting back from her. Teasing her. She giggled at his resistance. His gentle fingertips caressed her jaw.

"Do you feel good right now?" He whispered hotly. Praying for an answer.

"Sure... sure I'm okay, Papi... really... Just, let me love you. I've been so bad-"

"You haven't, amore, you've been human. That's no sin."

"I don't deserve-"

"Yes you do... You do angel, you deserve my love. Don't contest it. Now, get up... Up... off your knees. I've changed my mind about what I want."

She hesitated. It was visible and direct and stiff. Unable to hide herself. He tensed. Leaning back against the bed. His fingers working the zip to his fly.

"Non dovremmo farlo quando sei in questa condizione." (We shouldn't do this when you're in this condition.) He swung his legs around her, got off the bed. Fuck... Everything hurt. He'd denied himself her touch for a month. They'd barely been afforded a moment's privacy together and now that they had the perfect opportunity his fucking conscience got in the way.

She huffed angrily. Dejected. He never refused her. This was a first. She wasn't accustomed to his lack of submission. She'd been good at making him fold to her will. Making him submit. Making him cum. And he wanted to. Now more than ever, but he couldn't. This wasn't right.

"Papi, come on... don't be like that... Come back to bed. I wanna make your feel good."

"And I want you to... more than anything, bella mia... but this.. I can't. You're a mess. Have you seen yourself in a mirror?"

"You're fucking high, Papi... " She laughed at him, indignant in disbelief. She was on her feet and following him around the room.

"Have you looked at yourself? You don't look crash hot either."

"Don't deflect on me, Lalienna.. we're talking about you here."

"Words... too hard.. Just.. feel." She was touching him, his bare chest. His arms. He was weak for her. He wanted her. He raked his hands through his hair and pulled away though it killed him to do it.

"Why aren't you eating?"

"Wha?"

"I said, why aren't you eating, Lalienna? Hmm? I know you haven't touched a plate in over 24 hours. Ares told me you keep refusing food. We've talked about this, we're not going down this road. I've been there, done that. Bulimia, eating disorders. You're not going there, amore. I won't let you."

"It's not like that, Papi... I just.. get into moods, 'kay? I don't feel like food right now."

"But will you?"

"I'm gaining weight... it's gross.." She was rambling, dejected. Her eyes unfocused.

"In your imagination, maybe. Not on your body. Have you seen yourself? You're a walking supermodel, baby girl. You've practically got the body of a prepubescent boy were it not for your hips and breasts. You and Ares could be confused for each other, from behind."

She pushed at him, hard. Knocking him off balance so that he landed on the ottoman at the foot of the bed.

"You're killing the mood, Papi... this isn't sexy anymore."

"No, it isn't. But you are. Even if you're fucked up. I still want you. Need you. I wanna do things to you that I've been holding back for too long. Gentle... loving. Nothing hard. Nothing dangerous, nothing that pulls you out of your comfort zone."

She purred his name. Sinking back to her knees between his legs. And he opened them for her. Inviting her. He took her hand then, and pressed it right atop his pulsing heat. Hard for her still as it strained against his grey trousers.

"Feel that? Hmm? That there.. baby girl... It's all for you. I'm yours. Every inch belongs to your heart and soul and body."

"Papi's big." She giggled, mischievous eyes. Hungry... but not.. Something still wasn't right. So he pushed her.

"Lali... what's going on? Between us? Right now?" Her eyes changed in response. She pushed away. He knew it. He fucking knew it.

"Cosa non mi stai dicendo?" (What aren't you telling me?)

"I don't know what I want anymore! I'm scared okay? I'm scared of us.. of you! I'm scared of myself." Tears, her eyes filled and began to drain for the second time that night. He hated this. Seeing her cry like this. It was killing him.

He got up, lifting her from her knees and then arranging her in his arms. He plucked her bodily off the floor. She weighed little that was of any consequence. And she didn't resist him. So he carried her back to the bed and laid her down gently. Taking off his shirt that she wore beautifully. Wanting to take off her underwear. But she whimpered and refused him. He didn't care if she bled through the sheets. He had a mattress protector anyway.  Everything was washable. But she didn't want her lace removed. So he respected that and left her a moment to strip himself naked. His clothes joining hers on the floor... No, he thought better of it. He didn't want her to suffer. So he picked them up. Shook them out and hung them neatly on the back of his dressing chair before striding back to take residence atop the bed with her.

He was tired after all. And the building urge for release was stripping him of his will to think clearly. It didn't matter. He'd be happy to deny himself now that he had her. She'd love him when she was better. They had all the time in the world together. She was his Mistress now. They'd make this up to each other.

He told her so as he covered them over under the rich sheets and elegant black quilt. He hugged her to him. Listened to her, for moments as she cried in his arms. Burying her face against his neck. His shoulder wet with her tears. He shushed her lovingly. Gently. His tender hands at her back. Caressing circles on her skin.

"It's okay...baby girl... It's okay... It's like the phase of the moon... the tides of the sea. Today you'll feel impossible. Run down... Worn out. Tomorrow... it will pass. It will always pass. We don't have to rush things anymore. You're safe now that you're with me. I won't.... I fuck this up for us. We're both not at our best right now. It's been a long week and its only just begun. Sleep, baby. Just sleep. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow when you wake I'll have a new gift for you. A surprise. Something that will make you forget about everything you're going through. Everything you've suffered. Sleep. Heal. Sleep."

God... he thought to himself. She was an angel. He'd torn off her wings when he forced himself within her. Again when he cut her. And she was bleeding out the moment he laid eyes on her. Now she was bleeding again and he could almost taste it. No wonder he was offending her. He almost wanted to attend the bathroom, to shower and brush his teeth and make himself presentable for her. But, her weight was heavy against him. The bed was soft and sleep was calling . Like a siren.

He closed his eyes a moment.

"I love you, Lalienna...."

He drifted on that empty ocean.

He wasn't alone this time.

She was beside him.