Thank You For The Information. HC Actually Means Head Cannon Or A Ship That Is Not In The Official Fandom.

You and Me.

We're in this together now.

We will make it through somehow.

The cost of war

Prompt: “if you’re going to let me down, let me down gently.”

Requested: @laserglassspider

*rubs hands together maniacally,* fuck my sad mood. Time to turn this into something GREAT. Judeth...John....good luck....

As always, enjoy 💋

——————

After everything....

this is what takes the powerful couple down? The high table? No... John refused to allow this to happen. He had bled and cried and fought for this. For her. He would not relent now. No matter his hatred for the table. She was still Judeth Clayton. His Judeth Clayton.

The tower was quiet. She stood frozen in the throne room. So much had happened. Lalienna, years and years ago was tried and banished. Countless balls and parties were thrown in these hallowed rooms. And then finally, she had ended it. Ended Athena. Cut off the bastard queens head. Helen has quieted the Baba Yaga in this room. Judeth could still feel a presence of Helen. She needed her...she needed her angelic strength to endure the christening of her reign. She shuddered deeply at the thought. It was behind her...she had survived. And now...now she wondered if she wanted to. For John was angry with her. Well, not so much her, but the table. She was a part of the table now. And she had to play the part of the queen. She had to make decisions she didn’t want to. And John, her lover, her black angel, tried to see through it. He knew it was for an act. He knew her intentions were pure. But it still hurt. It stung deep, slashing him new each day. He laid beside her each night and held her. But she felt distant. She felt-she felt cold. The table was wearing her down. Hell, the table was wearing him down as well. His punishment had only begun when he was beaten that day during his trial. Now she was their dog. Their slave. He had to run and bow with each beckon and call. He had to obey, for he sold his soul for his life. Just to live the rest of his days...with her.

Judeth Clayton.

Now she was afraid. She felt she was losing him. She had nearly gone insane when Lalienna showed up. The jealousy she felt. Hers and Helen combined were eating her alive! She was so angry. She snapped. In her irrationality, she pulled a gun on her long lost daughter. John was her ‘husband’. Lali was her daughter.

Incest.

It wasn’t incest. But it was. To her, it was. She was ready to pull the trigger...she almost did. She would have if John hadn’t intervened.

Tears stung hotly against her cheeks. She was truly falling into a deep pit of psychosis. Helen had relented her hold on her, but she still held the guilt of all she had done. She couldn’t handle Helens love and devotion to John. Hell hath no fury of a jealous woman.... how could she compete? They had grew up together. They were each others first love. And then Helen was his latest. He loved her with the fire of a thousand suns. She felt shadowed by Helen. She was a goddess. How could Judeth stand by johns side and sleep in his bed when she was not Helen.

That night was only a brick to the tower of doubt. And now she stood in that crumbling tower, metaphorically and literally. She didn’t have to turn around to know who was walking into the room. His shoes sounding his forthcoming, her nerves lighting up like fireworks on the Fourth of July.

“John...” a crack in her voice showed her emotion. She didn’t turn around to face him. He stood behind her then, feet apart. There was silence between them so thick you could cut it with a knife. She felt ready to collapse; and though she wished to embrace him, she kept her stance. Finally, she spoke.

“If you’re going to let me down...let me down gently...please” she whispered barely audible. Again there was silence. More tears fell silently. This was torture. Pure, awful torture.

“Judeth, look at me.” Not a command, a request. A sharp cry emptied from her throat as she heard his voice just as broken as hers. God, they were inevitable. They were doomed. But they were impossible to separate. They knew this. They couldn’t leave each other. No matter their insecurities and problems, they belonged together. They were in this...together. Two hearts becoming one.

She turned, swallowing her pride. What little pride she had left.

“I swear to you-“ she choked. “I swore to you all those nights ago that I was yours. Completely. I pledged myself. I made it clear that I want nothing of the high table. It is my duty, just as it is yours to serve them. Please, Jonathan. I can’t take this anymore. You’re killing me. I am yours. Completely. Wholly. You’re blood, Your ring in my veins. I am yours.” She gel to her knees, clutching her chest. Her heart- she was afraid it might literally break. She had never felt this way. Gregory, she did not love. That was not a marriage. That was a job. A punishment. Abuse. But John...she loved him. She wanted him so much it ached. “I swear to you...once more my love, that I have no intention, no want or need to rule. I would throw away this fucking crown if I could. I hate it. I despise it. I-I-“ She could no longer speak. She just heaved, almost vomiting. He was on his knees as well, pulling her into him. She shushed her gently, rocking her. This wasn’t the first time they held each other in this room. After Athena’s death. After Helen broke the Baba Yaga. They embraced. Now was no different. They both sat broken in each others touch, clutching to their lover for dear life. They feared each other. But they could not live without each other.

“I know. I know. Forgive me.” He mumbled in her hair, choking on his own tears.

They sat there. And they consoled each other with their words, touch, and kisses. They were broken lovers. But slowly, achingly slow, the shatters in their hearts began to mend. Almost reluctantly, the scar tissue began to cover the wounds of their hearts, healing. Together.

Together they fell. Together they would rise.

Star Wars Aesthetics: 10/∞ → Darth Maul

‹‹ At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge. ››

THE HORRIFIC INTIMACY OF SURGERY AND DISSECTION.

Wishbone - Richard Siken // Surgery to remove the breast and dress the wound, c.1841, wellcome library // Jan Josef Horemans, Interior with a surgeon and his apprentice attending to a patient, c.1722 // Wishbone //  John Bell, IV Book II, Engravings of the Bones, Muscles, and Joints Illustrating the First Volume of the Anatomy of the Human Body, c.1794 // Andreas Vesalius, man presenting his flayed abdomen, de humani corporis fabrica, c.1543 // Jenny Holzer // Rembrandt, the anatomy lesson of Dr. Deijman,c.1656 // found in: Richard Barnett - Crucial Interventions.

Ambiance in Melody

When you love till it hurts....

It hurt to leave her...

Her body in his arms. He cried tears into her hair, needing her touch. Feeling somewhat whole again because she refused to let go of him as much as he refused to let go of her. They were fated together. Bound by destinies than entwined. He couldn't resist her if he tried.

Why did he fight with her so desperately? Why did he separate himself when he needed her like the air he breathed? How long had he slept alone in his bed, his hand feeling for the warmth of her body that wasn't there. Wouldn't come.

And a thousand times he thought to himself; 'I should go see her. I should tell her I'm sorry. For hurting her. For cutting her.'

He thought it yes, but then he thought of the sin. The betrayal. That woman... Devina... He could have done it if he wanted to. Put a contract on her head. A million pounds sterling for the first man in England that executed Devina Dentent. And her fucking husband. She'd committed two fold adultery. Once against her husband. And once against his Mistress. And she was his Mistress still. He toyed with the idea of making her his fiancé. Gianna had told him to, soon after her initiation To make an honest woman of Lalienna. What if he had? What if he's proposed on his knee to her, given her the ring, begged her hand in marriage just a few weeks sooner? Would she still have betrayed him?

He didn't want to know.

He just didn't want to know.

It was best to keep things in the shallow end. Because he'd never quite learned how to swim.

And he saw the smoke when he left that morning before this mess ever came to pass. When he kissed her as he rose from their bed and sighed his love in her ear.

Something deep in him begged him to turn around. Leave the airport. Go back and get her. He was rushing things with the Austrians. This could wait couldn't it? He'd not even taken her home to Rome yet. Why was he so obsessed with securing her international passage across the border lines of different countries?

Because he wanted to establish a safe haven for her. There was no Continental in Vienna. Not yet.  But he wanted her secure in a safe country. Where she could escape the world. Her own villa, her own car. She wanted a dog. He liked dogs, he wanted her to have one. He wanted to personally go to the shelter and pick a tender pup that she could raise and love. Because she was a child still. And children needed puppies. Something to look after and grow with. To learn responsibility and love and loyalty.

Loyalty.

She had it in droves... But she drank... She got bored. An old friend from the Tower. An old lover, in spite of his best intentions, for the sake of playing nice as a guest to Athena's land. He hated those women for what they'd done to her. He hated her father. He hated her mother. He hated everything and everyone around her right now, including his High Guard that protected her like savage, snapping dogs. Because that's what he'd trained them to do. That's what Gianna wanted. That's what Lorenzo demanded.

He hated leaving her.

He promised as Christov picked up his fallen coat and bags, that he would come back. That he'd make this right. Again.

He'd fucked it up gloriously.

He always managed to fuck it up and there she was with her tender eyes and powerful embrace telling him it was alright. Because it was flesh for flesh. Blood for blood. He never did call that contract open on Devina.

He knew deep down he never would because a woman that she bedded obviously meant something, even if it was in one drunken fit of passion.

He couldn't understand it though. He'd never done these sorts of things. Cheating on lovers. It was against his ethics. Even in all his whoring, he didn't cheat of them if he was in a serious relationship. If it wasn't working, he broke it off clean and spent the night in another woman's bed. That's why he stayed single. Unattached. Evading his father's demands he marry and clean up his life and stop acting like a spoilt brat. And fucking woman like a whore. He was a disgrace.

 But Marissa changed him. For the better he thought. He wanted to marry her too. He actually bought Marissa the ring. He gave it to her.. in front of Gianna, in front of Lorenzo. Down on one knee he looked Marissa in the eye and begged her hand in marriage. To prove a point to himself more than anything. That he could do this. He could survive without a hundred flowers so long as he had one that would control him. And he craved that. To be controlled.

It didn't turn out the way he wanted it to.

None of this turned out the way he wanted it.

 So he bowed his head, shook Hector's hand and wiped at his tears, flustered and feeling extremely insignificant. Entirely small. He needed a drink. He needed to lay down a few hours. He needed to be with Lalienna and just hold her to him.

Why did the world make so much sense in the cold light of the day?

Why did it hurt so much when Christov pulled him away?

"Come on, Tino... You need to give the lady some space. You heard her, she's forgiven you. It's over now. You're both going to be okay. But you have a flight to catch. You worked hard last month trying to secure her papers, if you don't get her residency tied up you're going to piss all that hard work away. "

 He left the Continental under a single Guard. He couldn't face the others anymore. Ares, Hector, Marcus, Curtis, Tony. He felt as if he was the brunt of some big joke and no one was going to make any moves to let him in on it. He got this feeling, as Hector had said Lalienna wasn't permitted to drink... that something was going on outside his knowledge. They were professionals after all. Discreet. They knew things. And they knew how to keep him out of the loop.

He was quiet most of the drive up to the London Air Port.

"Thank you." He conceded at last.  

"Oh yeah? What for?" Chistov asked, not turning to face him. Keeping his eyes on the road.

"For helping me see the light. After so long. I was beginning to lose sense of myself."

"You never could see the forest from the trees, Tino. That's why you have a family like us. Many pairs of eyes decipher the puzzle one cannot see."

"Wise words, my friend." Santino returned. Settling back into his seat and lighting a smoke. Blowing the plume out the car window.

"I'm not sorry though. For what I said to you. About you being a pig sometimes. With girls. Why'd you cut her man? I mean really? What did you think you'd get out of it? Watching her cry? Watching her bleed? Fuck...man, seriously. I mean... What if she was carrying your baby? Would you have still fucked her up like that?"

 Santino leaned back into his seat. Covering his face with his hands. Dragging on his cigarette nervously as if the harder he smoked it the faster the answers would come.  

"No... I don't think so... I'm not that deranged. I-I don't know, please, Chris, stop pushing me. I can't take anymore. You and the crew have been at me like this for years."

"Marssia?"

"Yes, fucking Marissa! I'm sorry... I'm sorry. I told you I meant it, I'm sorry. I told her I was sorry. She still walked out on me, there was nothing more I could do to stop her. She didn't want the ring, she threw it in my face. God! Won't you ever let me live that chapter of my fucking life down?" Santino begged. The tears he was choking back on started to threaten again.

Christov was quiet for a moment. They were in the Air Port car park now, in the International Terminal. He was moments away from pulling up at the drop-off rank. He spoke again though, as they slowed in the traffic. Giving other cars way.

"She left you.. because you broke your own promise, Tino. You didn't use your head. You didn't apply the breaks even though you knew you should have. You can't do that to girls, amigo mio. You just can't. That wasn't safe, sane or consensual. You tied her up. You cut the pads off her fingers, off her toes. You whipped her like she was cattle in a field. You bled her, tortured her. Then you raped her. Even when she told you she was carrying your baby... She would have given her life if it meant to please you. She let you do those wicked things to her willingly. Because you got dark... you got depraved. She lost the child because of you, Tino. It wasn't the blood, it wasn't the sex, the knives, the whippings. It was you. She couldn't stand a world where someone as violent and twisted as that would actually be a father."

"There's no proof the baby was mine. That night, I caught her with another man in my bed. I was going to marry her.... I was going to marry her.... and she was fucking another guy. FUCK!!" He couldn't breathe. His vision was blurring. He felt the bile rise to the back of his throat and swallowed thickly. Ashamed of himself. He thought he'd buried these emotions and memories under concrete four years ago. Why was Christov tormenting him like this?

 "It was your baby dude... The other guy... Before we killed him. He confessed... To everything. That he was having a tryst with her, yes. But he always wore protection. He never came inside her. But you did... She miscarried the child after the beating you gave her. It was only six weeks old but it was still a baby, Tino. Your baby. Isn't that what all guys want eventually? To be fathers?"

 "No." He said at last. Getting out of the car as they pulled up to the curb. He picked up his coat and leather bags from the boot. He looked Chris over one last time. He was going to Vienna alone. He didn't need a guard with him. There was no danger. He was a danger to himself more than anything else.

"You saw that man today... Marquis... That man was her Lalienna's father. He wasn't ready to take responsibility for his daughter. He left her in the hands of a drunken addict so he wouldn't have to believe the child was real. Maybe he had his reasons for walking out on them. Even if they were degenerate and selfish. Everything in this life happens for a reason. I wasn't ready for marriage. I wasn't ready for children. I wasn't ready for Marissa Conti. Marissa Conti wasn't ready for me. But times have changed, Christov.... I've changed. I've come further than you give me credit for. I took responsibility for my actions today."

"Because we backed you into a corner, Tino. Otherwise you would have dragged this stalemate out and until she was driven insane. And would have sat back and enjoyed it. Because that's the kind of man you are today."

"You're wrong, Chris. I won't accept it. This half informed judgment you're piling upon me. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. Lalienna betrayed me with another woman. That's the fact here. She got drunk, she knew the consequences, and rather than call me and tell me she was in the mood... she took her friend to my bed... and fucked her. And she wouldn't have told me about it either if it wasn't for the photos she'd sent me where I saw the bite marks on her neck. If I didn't come home... If I didn't punish her the way I did... She would have kept doing it, behind my back. Even if I did buy her that ring. And first it's a girl from the Tower. Then it's another old friend with history.... Then it's John fucking Wick. And where would that leave me? On the side-lines, with a wife that's an adulteress. Following her lusts like I used to. I bled Lalienna because I saw myself reflected in her eyes. I cut my initial into her throat to remind myself I was wrong. Even though I was insane with rage. And I'll remember my sin now every time I kiss her neck. That I wasn't the first one to love her. I won't be the last."

 "You really love her, eh?" Chris asked quietly.

"Yeah. I love her. But I'm not ready to be a father either. Not until I have time to work myself out." Santino admitted. Defeated, broken down.

 "Then get your shit done fast... come back. Pick her up and take her to Rome. That's where she needs to be now. Away from these distractions. Away from temptations and indiscretions. She did what she did because she's afraid of losing you. Your her Papi now. So act like it. If you can't be a father, at least be a man." Chrisov admonished.

 "I'm trying." Was all he said. He turned away. With his coat and his bags. He entered the international terminal and waited in the lounge until the next flight could take him back to Vienna. Where he had every intention of buying Lalienna a house... and a car. Where she had a new alliance with people that would protect her if she ever decided to walk out on him. Because he wouldn't...couldn't repeat the trauma of Marissa Conti.

He understood then, what Marquis had said... to his own daughter 21 years later.

That he wasn't ready to be a father.

Tears formed in her jade eyes, lip quivering slightly. She held back a sob, taking a breath.

“You…you never wanted me?” It felt as though her heart was breaking. Literally. The strings of her cardiac muscles were snapping, leaving her in the worst pain she’s ever felt… and she’s felt a lot of shit. She’s been through the worst, through hell. But this…this was worse. She couldn’t catch her breath. Her lungs wouldn’t produce the oxygen needed to stay alive. God, make it stop. Stop it! She couldn’t handle it. She clutched her heart, squeezing the fabric of her shirt in her fists. Her eyes broke. They relayed how she felt. So so so so ruined. So torn. So…worthless. Thrown away.

————

@f0rtis-fortuna-adiuvat // here is your angst. Do with it what you will. ;) have fun, my angel of sadness.

Help Save Coco - Now Fully Funded

Friends,

 With a harrowing start to the new year, Coco’s (mis)adventures took a dramatic turn on New Years Eve 2020. Right down to the wire the final hours of the year we found that Coco had wiggled out of his E-Collar and scratched open a portion of the stitches from his shoulder wound. This prompted an immediate trip down to the 24 hour Emergency Animal Referral Hospital, where Coco’s heavily draining shoulder was clean and stapled after a massive waiting period that lasted from approximately 8PM New Years Eve to just over 3AM New Years Day.

Yesterday Coco’s campaign became fully funded with tremendous thanks to a whole host of generous, compassionate and big-hearted people leaving us in hysterical fits of happy tears. Overwhelmed with relief and gratitude, we are humbled by the power of people to help those whom at that moment are unable to help themselves. 

Full detailed updates can be found on the Official Go Fund Me page for Coco:

So please visit: The GoFundMe Help Save Coco page Here

And to everyone that helped by sharing and donating to this campaign, we hope the Gods preserve you and your families. Thank you a million times over. Thank you!

The Incredible Marble Bar, Sydney, Australia. Iconic, heritage listed, dated 1893. - Photographed 5th September 2019, Spring

By Yaroslav Lotsmanov #starwars #thedarkside #sith #darthmaul #maul #apprentice #fanmade #fanart #MoonsithIG https://www.instagram.com/p/BrI8_D2H4L-/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=2okdrpuqoqs8