Smaethegae - Untitled

So Bruce now has several adult children that could very easily take up the cowl (and already have in some cases) but he doesn't seem to be retiring any time soon. So let's say he gets injured in the field, like Bane back-breaking stuff, and he is forced to retire. He wants one of his kids to take up the mantle. Not necessarily pretending to be him, but as the new Batman (like Terry McGinnus in Batman Beyond).

Issue is he doesn't know who the cowl should go to, so he calls a meeting. Everyone is sitting at a long table in the manor when Bruce discusses his sudden, but overdue, retirement.

Bruce: So now we come to the splitting of assets.

He places the cowl on the table in front of him.

Bruce: Figure it out yourself.

He gets up and leaves.

Expecting a fight to break out, he waits to listen at the door in case things get out of hand, lord knows he doesn't want a physical brawl over the cowl. He doesn't expect what happens next.

*silence*

Stephanie: Not it!

Tim: No way!

Dick: Been there, done that.

Damian: No.

Cass: no.

Babs: Already got a job.

Duke: Uh, I think I'm busy that day.

The only person who hasn't said anything is Jason

Dick: Looks like it's you Jay.

Jason: Fuck no, I figured killing people made me exempt already.

Bruce happily sheds a tear, knowing his raised his kids so that none of them want to follow in his footsteps.

After an all nighter where the kids argue over who should take the role

(notable points include:

Tim: I thought you were the 'Blood Son's Dames, it's your 'birthright' and all.

Damian: I plan to donate blood tomorrow.

Jason: Dick, you're the oldest, you take it.

Dick: No! Have you seen how good my ass looks in my current suit? A cape is gonna ruin that silhouette!

Stephanie: Why don't you want it Tim, you're already CEO of WE, why not become full Bruce?

Tim: *shudders* Ra's already is obsessed with me, if I become Batman, he won't leave me the fuck alone.

Eventually they call Bruce back in, having come to a decision. Bruce walks in, not sure who has taken it, but his bets are on either Cass, Dick or Damian. He looks up at the table to see:

Sitting at the head of the table, with the cowl over their face...

Bruce: Um... Alfred?

Dick: Yeah! He has the most experience out of all of us!

Duke: This also means we can keep doing our own things as well.

Jason can't stop laughing at Bruce's face.

Bruce: You're really playing along with this Alfred?

Alfred: I am the night Master Bruce.

Bruce: Real fun-

Alfred: I think you'll find that I am vengeance sir.

Bruce: Okay, I ge-

Alfred: I, young Master, Am Batman.

Bruce phones Kate who laughs in his face.

Guys I'm actually so normal and chill-

*Finds stuff in the books that I can interpret as Severitus*

MY SHAYLAAAA

They're off to fight and solve crimes like Batman and Robin.

Hawks Headcanon #4

So this actually relates/parallels to my Dabi headcanon with the sandwiches being a comfort to him.

I imagine that Keigo likes chicken so much, despite being salty and everything, is because it’s something he was never allowed to have as a child. It’s a freedom he didn’t earn until adulthood.

While I don’t know how much chicken is in Japan, I’d imagine it can be expensive with inflation, compared to beans, crackers, water, and bread, which is most likely what Hawks had when living with his criminal father while he was in hiding, because it was easy, simple, and cheap, and money would be tight in hiding.

It could also be why he’s not the biggest fan of salty foods and prefers sweet and savoury food, because it’s something he didn’t have as a child, he never had that comfort.

He was forced to eat salty crackers and stale bread with a bit of bean because it was all he could afford.

So chicken to him was a luxury he never got until he was an adult; it made the bird part of him preen at the fact he was eating something that was natural as a hawk.

Chicken is a comfort to Keigo because it shows how he can make his own small choices, and it shows how he’s free from the shitty childhood he had, being able to eat things his father never would have allowed him to.

So, while sandwiches are a comfort to Dabi because they were the only stability he had when growing up, chicken is a comfort to Keigo because it shows how he’s relatively free from the hand he was given when he was younger, a stability that he’s more free than he was as a child.

me @ my mutuals

LMAO

I just realized that, as we all grow older, we no longer ask "childish" questions, which is kind of sad, in all honesty. Why don't we ask what our favourite food is anymore? Why don't we ask what superpower you'd have? Why don't we ask any questions like that anymore? So. What's your favourite colour? Mine is intrinsic grey!

I love them so much it hurts

They both act like the same and have the same reaction

Cat roaming around

Bruce has a strict 'no metas/powers (except duke) allowed in Gotham' policy in place but it has a clause, BYOR (Bring Your Own Robin)

No one is allowed entry untill and unless they can produce their very own certified robin-shaped identity card

Whenever someone with even a hint of supernatural powers in them arrives at Gotham, they're first met with Bruce standing at the city border with a notepad in hand

Bruce: State your name and purpose.

Kon: Kon-el, here to hangout!

Bruce: Your Robin?

Kon, flourishing Tim from behind him: Ta-Da!

Tim, waves: Hey Bruce

Bruce: Approved, you may enter

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Name and purpose?

Hal: Here to investigate a case, Hal Jordan

Bruce: Your Robin?

Hal: I.... don't have one?

Bruce: Denied

Hal: What?! But-

Bruce: Denied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Yes, Wally, where's your robin?

Wally: Oh shit lemme just- *zaps away and returns with Dick, who was in the midst of brushing his teeth, in a bridal carry*- Here!

Bruce, grumbling a little: Fine. Approved.

Dick: You gotta stop using me as a key already, man

Wally: Blame Bruce.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Name and purpose?

Clark: Clark Kent, here for our monthly barbecue

Bruce: Robin?

Clark, producing an actual robin bird: Does this count?

Bruce:.....yes